Adrienne and one of their douchier guests. Ewwww! Cooties!
In my fantasy life, I win the lottery and proceed to an existence that is very Downton Abbey – with me in the Countess position, only younger and more empathetic of course. In our real 21st Century world, it would probably bear more resemblance to the guest roles on Below Deck. This is Bravo’s foray into the downstairs world of Upstairs, Downstairs and it is REAL. Continue reading
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According to the New York Post and, like, every other reputable publication, human dolphin Teresa Guidice and her charming canned ham, Joe Guidice, were indicted on thirty-nine counts of fraud in federal court in Newark, New Jersey today. The charges arise out of bankruptcy fraud, the submission of fraudulent mortgage and other loan documents, and the couples’ failure to file five years’ worth of tax returns. The happy couple face up to thirty years in the Real Jailhouse of New Jersey, and a fine of up to one million dollars that they sooooo don’t have.
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Ugh, this again? Teresa’s still dolphin-squeaking, Joe Gorga’s hair is still dripping down his forehead, and Doctor V. is still picking at a festering sore. That’s both a metaphor, and entirely literal. Continue reading
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Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com
An armored truck arrives on the runway, and two big burly security guards flank Heidi and the dreaded button bag. Jewels! Bling! Diamonds! The challenge is to design an outfit inspired by jewels. Before the challenge even gets going, Forest Nymph announces how much he hates diamonds because money is bad. Yeah whatever, kid. Get over it. Continue reading
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Reprinted with permission from www.healthywaytocook.com
It’s Top Chef Masters! And their sous chefs! Which means twice the number of cooks, and I’m already confused. So who are these chefs? Douglas Keane (Cyrus), Neal Fraser (Redbird), Sang Yoon (Lukshon), David Burke (no introduction required), Lynn Crawford (Ruby Watcho), Franklin Becker (The Little Beet), Bryan Voltaggio (Season 6 of Top Chef), Jenn Louis (Lincoln), Herb Wilson (Sushi Samba), and a half dozen other people who didn’t get introductory montages. And then in walk their sous chefs, totally muddling the television screen with white jackets. Continue reading
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Reprinted with permission from www.healthywaytocook.com
The eight remaining cooks have been dumped in the wilderness, forced to climb a hill and bond with nature. It’s time for them to show the judges that they can cook without the luxuries of the Master Chef kitchen. They must spend the night in the middle of nowhere and prepare a delicious camping knie flint cast iron skillet and a wooden spoon. Bri and Natasha are team captains. Red Team Bri selects James, Eddie, and Luca. Natasha Blue Team picks Jordan, Jessie, and Krissi. But Gordon is an ass and switches the team captains, causing automatic friction between Bri and Krissi. Bri chooses three rabbits as their protein, and Natasha’s team has pigeons. Continue reading
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Reprinted with permission from www.survivingcollege.com
Today’s Celebrity Buzz is all about All My Circuits, starring the late great Calculon. The celebrated robot actor killed himself on stage, and loyal fans, including Bender and Fry, pay tribute at his gravesite. The show just hasn’t been the same since Calculon’s death. When Farnsworth lets them know that they can bring Calculon back to death, if they have his physical remains, Bender digs up his grave on live TV, and heeeere’s corpsie! Continue reading
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Reprinted with permission from www.redesignrevolution.com
Jonathan Scott is a contractor and designer, and his twin brother, Drew Scott, is a real estate expert. Together, they are the Property Brothers. And now they are competing against each other by coaching two teams that will renovate homes in a nutty new reality competition show: Brother vs. Brother. Continue reading
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Reprinted with permission from www.redesignrevolution.com
HGTV Star’s final three – Jeribai, Brooks, and Tiffany – are off to Palm Springs to design fancy shmancy hotel suites at a resort that may be called Rancho Las Plamas, which is like Rancho Relaxo for the luxury audience. They have three days to design their suites, and will do a walk-through of their finished spaces for the Camera Challenge. David Bromstad will be on the panel for the judging, so the contestants will be provided with other help…in the form of returning losers. I mean designers. Well, both: Continue reading
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Last week ended with Joe Gorga using his head as a battering ram into Joe Giudice’s voluminous gut because Joe Gorga called Teresa “scum.” This week isn’t much better. “Teresa, help your brother!” Teresa runs out of the room yelling, “Call the cops!” Someone says, “He’s biting my nuts,” elbows are being thrown, for some reason Melissa rushes over to put Joe Gorga’s hat back on his thick head. Then, the women start shrieking at each other while team builders Steve and Stephanie silently circle the room, waiting for an opportunity to introduce trust exercises. Continue reading
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