Malory believes they are ruined because Archer received Monopoly money for his troubles, but they still have their cocaine. Or, at least the cocaine that Pam didn’t yet eat. They need a big ticket item like a big bag of cocaine, or a Cadillac, that they can purchase with their counterfeit money. Or, as Cyril suggests, guns. But until they make a real plan, Cyril has to lock up all of the money and cocaine in a Scrooge McDuckian vault. Continue reading
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Hannah is late for a meeting with her e-book editor, David, and spills all of the contents of her pocketbook on the floor in the reception area, which is supposed to make her seem quirky but is something that never happens to women in real life. But it’s okay, because her book editor is late for the meeting, too. Because he’s dead. Continue reading
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It’s Superbowl Weekend, and Jimmy Pesto’s restaurant across the street is starting early. So is Gene, who is holding all of his bowel movements until halftime, at which point he will make a giant poop. Linda talks some truth to her son. “Gene, you can’t hold your poops in soon, you gotta set them free so they can go down the sewer and find their families and they’re happy!” Continue reading
by Ludo’s kitchen dominates as Nigella and Marcus fizzle. But the important thing to note is that my imaginary boyfriend Anthony Bourdain is going to his happy place with this week’s challenge. Street food. Continue reading
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Katrina and Karena are off to Maui to film Beach Babe Number Two: The Legend of Poop. Katrina must wear a neck brace on camera because sadface. And if Katrina has to wear one, then Karena has to wear one, too. That’s how seriously they are taking this “injury.” Continue reading
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A man strapped to stretcher is wheeled into a hospital. Ooh! Scary! He must have shrapnel removed, and even speaking with him scares the crap out of the nurse. He starts freaking out over glowing eyes, which means he sees wolves? Or…something else? The surgeon jokingly suggests letting him bleed out, and then some gross blob tumor explodes in the patient’s guts and I think it was filled with flies, and then the patient gets up and skeedaddles out of the hospital. Well, that ain’t normal. Continue reading
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Dr. Krieger is building some very loud robots while Archer whines that the government seized his penthouse. Malory was the only one smart enough to put her assets in someone else’s name, probably because she was the only one who knew that ISIS was not a legit secret governmental organization. Her plan is to move the entire stash of cocaine to Miami because they can’t just have a yard sale. This requires Lana, Archer, and Pam to transport the coke in a full-bodied cast worn by, well, yeah. Pam. If she can avoid absorbing the drugs through her sweat glands, she should be just fine. Continue reading
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