Malory believes they are ruined because Archer received Monopoly money for his troubles, but they still have their cocaine. Or, at least the cocaine that Pam didn’t yet eat. They need a big ticket item like a big bag of cocaine, or a Cadillac, that they can purchase with their counterfeit money. Or, as Cyril suggests, guns. But until they make a real plan, Cyril has to lock up all of the money and cocaine in a Scrooge McDuckian vault.
Because there’s no Scrooge McDucky vault, Cyril locks it up in the kitchen pantry. But not locked up enough for Pam, who used the “money” to buy amphetamines. And the yakuza bad guys she bought them from know where she lives because a few of them have been to her apartment, which makes Archer mind vomit.
Moto, the head of the yakuza crime syndicate, is at the front door looking for Pam. He’s not happy and wants his drugs back, so the former ISIS team considers the possibility of asking for its counterfeit money back. Except for Lana, who just wants to not die. But Pam knows that Moto doesn’t just wants the pills, he also wants Pam’s head. And not metaphorically speaking. Cheryl tries to negotiate with them but instead yells, “fine, be more gross and Chinesey!” Turns out it’s a debt of honor that can only be paid with Pam’s blood. And she can’t write a genre-defining country song with their whining, they should go out there and kill the yakuza.
Everyone grabs a pre-World War One gun and takes a window. Archer goes “Josh Randall on these dicks,” but can’t actually shoot anyone because the police will never understand the drugs and counterfeit bills. So the yakuza start shooting, and they start with Ron Cadillac.
Cheryl remembers all of the underground tunnels in the mansion, which is a good way to get Ron to a hospital. There’s a map, and a route up to Lenox Hill Hospital. While everyone is taking Ron to the hospital, Archer will wear his even blacker black suit to go about his own plan, and Lana needs to shut her “dick trap” about his probably needing rescuing.
But Archer’s plan goes pretty good. He sneaks out of the mansion and into Moto’s car, with an olde timey gun. The debt can only be forgiven if blood has been shed, and Ron is bleeding out, so…maybe? In exchange for a trunk full of cocaine. And that’s what they call a win-win-win.
Reprinted from RedesignRevolution.com