Hannah is late for a meeting with her e-book editor, David, and spills all of the contents of her pocketbook on the floor in the reception area, which is supposed to make her seem quirky but is something that never happens to women in real life. But it’s okay, because her book editor is late for the meeting, too. Because he’s dead.
Hannah is very freaked out about David’s death because death is scary. Jessa isn’t freaked out about death because her character is very cool with linear conceptions of time. Adam found a picture of Tom Hanks circa 1989 and that’s sort of like death, too. Oh but now we learn the real reason Hannah is all bent out of shape—nobody told her what’s going to happen to her e-book. Adam points out Hannah’s self-centeredness: Are you feeling anything? Beyond when your e-book is going to hit the stands? Silly Adam, it’s an e-book. There are no stands.
According to Gawker, David’s body was found face-down in the Hudson River. “Gawker? You’re getting your news from Gawker?” A fight breaks out between Hannah and Adam over whether it’s okay to get news from Gawker and Jezebel and…wait a second…is this a product placement for Gawker? That would explain why Gawker has been kissing Lena Dunham’s arse lately, despite being exactly the kind of star it normally takes particular glee ripping into a million little pieces.
Anyhoo, Jessa asks Shoshanna about death and Shoshanna rambles on about some friend who died, but then Shoshanna got to take her place in the friend group so it all worked out pretty well in the end. The cold, clammy end. Jessa lost a friend, too. She choked on vomit or something. Shoshanna encourages Jessa to call the friend’s mother as a way of working through the loss. Surprisingly, Jessa follows this sound advice. She awkwardly calls her dead friend’s mother and asks to visit the sarcophagus or tombstone or whatever it is, but the dead friend isn’t very dead at all. She just played dead so that she no longer had to hang out with Jessa because Jessa was a total junkie enabler. And now she lives in a gorgeous Brooklyn brownstone with a husband and a baby. Ouch.
Adam is scared of how Hannah would act if something happened to him, like “ooh I hope I can make rent.” Hannah claims that it would be “extremely sad” if Adam died, but that sound weak since if Hannah died, Adam wouldn’t know what a tree was anymore.
When Hannah gets to work, she upgrades David to a “close friend,” her editor and “collaborator.” It’s a reason to talk about how she feels, and an excuse to take the day off. Next she visits Laird to tell him that her friend died. Unfortunately for Hannah, Laird has lots of death in his life, including a turtle, so the conversation isn’t enough about Hannah. Adam’s sister shows up just in time and takes Hannah for a walk. They run and tumble through a graveyard like a kooky British comedy because it’s super fun to be carefree when people are mourning.
Marnie is working hard in the coffee shop when she hears her song. Ray is showing it to a coworker, who is having a good guffaw. Marnie flips out. “This place fucking sucks. No one wants to work here…fancy people want to work with me, so I’m going to go give them that pleasure.” And with that, she turns in her apron and is done with manual labor.
Jessa goes to the park. That’s it. She just goes to the park, hugs herself with some piano music playing in the background, and smiles. It probably means something.
Hannah meets Adam on their stoop and says that she was just shocked at how random? Life can be? “It always takes me a little while to process my emotions?” There’s more up-talking? Then Hannah tells Adam a sad story about a dead girl that is the same exact sad story about a dead girl Adam’s sister told her, like, twelve minutes ago, to prove that she has emotions.
Next week, Hannah’s book is deader than David.
Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.comby