Archer: Smuggler’s Blues

Archer Vice Season 5 Episode 7 Smuggler's Blues (1)

More pounds of cocaine lost to Pam, but at least Lana got in some practice feeding a baby. Mallory gives Lana some real talk about how dreadful babies can be, and Cherlene clarifies that all babies should be drowned. Lana concludes that Archer has been trying to hard, but Mallory has a point. How hard is it to sell two thousand measly pounds of cocaine? Make that one thousand seven hundred and eighteen pounds of cocaine, thanks to Pam’s…appetite. Continue reading

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Archer Vice Season 5, Ep. 5: Southbound and Down

Archer Vice Southbound and Down (1)

Doctor Krieger uncripples Gillette, giving him the precious gift of legs. But more importantly, Cherlene is going on a television show, “Travis County Limits,” but has to get there without flying because she doesn’t do the tin-can-in-the-sky thing. They only have twenty-five hours to drive to Texas, and you know it’s going to be Smokey And The Bandit-style. Continue reading

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Archer Season 5, Episode 3: A Debt of Honor

Archer Season 5 Episode 3 Archer Vice (2)

Malory believes they are ruined because Archer received Monopoly money for his troubles, but they still have their cocaine. Or, at least the cocaine that Pam didn’t yet eat. They need a big ticket item like a big bag of cocaine, or a Cadillac, that they can purchase with their counterfeit money. Or, as Cyril suggests, guns. But until they make a real plan, Cyril has to lock up all of the money and cocaine in a Scrooge McDuckian vault. Continue reading

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Archer Season 5, Episode 2: A Kiss While Dying


Dr. Krieger is building some very loud robots while Archer whines that the government seized his penthouse. Malory was the only one smart enough to put her assets in someone else’s name, probably because she was the only one who knew that ISIS was not a legit secret governmental organization. Her plan is to move the entire stash of cocaine to Miami because they can’t just have a yard sale. This requires Lana, Archer, and Pam to transport the coke in a full-bodied cast worn by, well, yeah. Pam. If she can avoid absorbing the drugs through her sweat glands, she should be just fine. Continue reading

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