Lana is in labor, and in handcuffs. Maybe Christian Slater knows how to deliver a baby? Oh wait, Archer is a certified doula, so all is good(-ish). Continue reading →

Why are the boys in their bathrobes, clutching bottles of booze while Pam does whippits in a leisure suit? Oh no, wait. She’s just eating the whipped cream. Cherlene is topless and working on an Astro Pop, and Mallory is presiding over the interrogation. IDIOTS!!! Continue reading →

More pounds of cocaine lost to Pam, but at least Lana got in some practice feeding a baby. Mallory gives Lana some real talk about how dreadful babies can be, and Cherlene clarifies that all babies should be drowned. Lana concludes that Archer has been trying to hard, but Mallory has a point. How hard is it to sell two thousand measly pounds of cocaine? Make that one thousand seven hundred and eighteen pounds of cocaine, thanks to Pam’s…appetite. Continue reading →

Where were we? Oh right, Cherlene’s country western career is booming, and Archer’s “blowing this jug” in his bathrobe and undies. Ugh. Mallory’s face mask is frightening. She suggests Lana get a wet nurse, and I just threw up, violently. Continue reading →

Doctor Krieger uncripples Gillette, giving him the precious gift of legs. But more importantly, Cherlene is going on a television show, “Travis County Limits,” but has to get there without flying because she doesn’t do the tin-can-in-the-sky thing. They only have twenty-five hours to drive to Texas, and you know it’s going to be Smokey And The Bandit-style. Continue reading →

Malory believes they are ruined because Archer received Monopoly money for his troubles, but they still have their cocaine. Or, at least the cocaine that Pam didn’t yet eat. They need a big ticket item like a big bag of cocaine, or a Cadillac, that they can purchase with their counterfeit money. Or, as Cyril suggests, guns. But until they make a real plan, Cyril has to lock up all of the money and cocaine in a Scrooge McDuckian vault. Continue reading →

Dr. Krieger is building some very loud robots while Archer whines that the government seized his penthouse. Malory was the only one smart enough to put her assets in someone else’s name, probably because she was the only one who knew that ISIS was not a legit secret governmental organization. Her plan is to move the entire stash of cocaine to Miami because they can’t just have a yard sale. This requires Lana, Archer, and Pam to transport the coke in a full-bodied cast worn by, well, yeah. Pam. If she can avoid absorbing the drugs through her sweat glands, she should be just fine. Continue reading →

It’s a beautiful morning at ISIS! Are those roses for me? Why thank you, Mr. Archer. Coffee? With a splash of brandy? Don’t mind if I do. The Penske file? Oh, don’t worry about th—kablammo! Continue reading →