Lana is in labor, and in handcuffs. Maybe Christian Slater knows how to deliver a baby? Oh wait, Archer is a certified doula, so all is good(-ish).

The CIA is invading San Marcos. Don’t bother asking why the CIA gave San Marcos weapons, that’s a minor detail that doesn’t really matter so much as monetizing cocaine, after all. And ISIS has been selling cocaine for the CIA. And… yes, Archer has been in on it the whole time.

For more TLana steals a machine gun and her contractions are nine minutes apart, so it’s time to put a rush on this whole rescue mission. For future reference, giving a machine gun to a woman in labor is not a good idea at all.

The CIA is bombing the Presidential palace where Cyril is finally in charge of something almost important. Mallory commands everyone to cram everything they can into a suitcase, including Pam who seems not coked up for the first time in too many episodes to count. Oh wait, no. She’s gnawing on coca leaves.

Archer needs to stop calling Lana “buddy” or she is going to put her bullets in his head. Then, Archer tells Cherlene to “look down there.” Apparently it’s mauve, and smooth. Good to know? Lana’s machine gun is out of ammo just as she tries to shoot Archer in the face for refusing her perfectly reasonable request for morphine.

Pam, Mallory, and Cyril are loaded up with goodies and dressed like palatial old timey folks. They choose a circa-1920-something getaway car and try to outrun the bombing. Their hats look charming. They almost crash into Ray and Cyril carrying very toxic materials which they rescued from a rocket headed straight for the Upper East Side. They arrive at the airport in time for Mallory to feed Lana a bottle of booze and Pam to birth Lana’s baby like a cow.

“It’s a girl! And whoever had a black guy, pay up!” And…is that television’s first breastfeeding cartoon? I think it is.

Mallory negotiates with the CIA. She’s got artwork for them, and they have the nerve gas for her. But, we all know what’s happening here, Mallory holds the whole shebang over their heads in exchange for getting ISIS on the sweet, sweet government payroll.

Lana explains to Archer something about his frozen sperm and…pretty sure that’s Archer’s baby. Obviously it only happened without the fun part.

“Sterling Archer, I’d like you to meet your daughter.”

Reprinted from RedesignRevolution.com