Where were we? Oh right, Cherlene’s country western career is booming, and Archer’s “blowing this jug” in his bathrobe and undies. Ugh. Mallory’s face mask is frightening. She suggests Lana get a wet nurse, and I just threw up, violently.
No cocaine doughnuts for Pam until they start bringing in money. But no worries, Krieger’s selling the cocaine online. It’s anonymous and risk free because it’s the internet. It’s like shopping online, only for cocaine.
Lana isn’t looking too good. “What’s up her gigantic, giant ass?” No one has even thought about throwing her a baby shower (or, as Cyril calls it, a bastard shower). That settles it, they’re throwing Lana a baby shower while they package the cocaine for next-day shipping. Item 1: paper to write a list on; Item 2: Woodhouse! Get in here! And, Archer and Pam are going to get Kenny Loggins to play Lana’s baby shower. Sigh.
Archer loves Kenny Loggins. Like, really loves Kenny Loggins. But first, they have to track him down. Luckily he’s in the hotel lobby. He autographs Archer’s suit and gets tasered, twice. “Holy shitzaps, are you okay?” Now Archer is obligated to murder Kenny Loggins. Oh, how things change.
Lana has a heart-to-not-quite-heart with Mallory. She has a lot of major expenses coming up, so Mallory suggest government programs, like the cheese they hand out to new mothers.
Archer disguises himself as a blond, and Pam is a brunette with a beehive and cocaine breath mints. Archer talks his way into Kenny Loggins’s room using the age-old “room service” technique. Except now he’s K-Log. There are guns to everybody’s heads because of something that happened in Caracas. Pam takes down the bodyguard, temporarily, and Archer is off to murder Kenny Loggins who definitely does not want “a beej” from Pam. K-Log is out of bullets and has a briefcase filled with shiny magenta. Oh, whoops!
Pam shot a hole in the glass swimming pool that was built on the roof against Cheryl’s better advice just as Kenny Loggins falls in the pool. Archer saves him and his briefcase filled with plutonium or a human soul and agrees to play Lana’s baby shower. The only good gift is from Mallory, and Baby Bergdorf’s. She used the money from Krieger’s online cocaine sales. Unfortunately, they were a sham. So there’s no money, and thanks to Pam, a dwindling supply of cocaine. And Archer’s big present is “Danger Zone.”