Katrina and Karena are off to Maui to film Beach Babe Number Two: The Legend of Poop. Katrina must wear a neck brace on camera because sadface. And if Katrina has to wear one, then Karena has to wear one, too. That’s how seriously they are taking this “injury.”

Their room at the Four Seasons is dark and dreary, just like all Hawaiian hotel rooms. They soak up the local flavor with a glass of chardonnay, and Katrina tries to wingwoman some men for Karena. They play “The Kissing Game,” where Katrina dares Karena to kiss someone. What it loses in subtly it makes up for in a lack of class. Yeah, they’re drunk.

Bikinis? Check. Sunglasses? Check. Yoga pants? Check check check. They need to sell thirty-thousand copies of the DVD in order to break even with their investment, which seems like an astonishing number of DVDs in the age of streaming video and video-on-demand. The girls change into bathing suit bottoms on the beach and Karena flashes her “flower.” Then they go paddle boarding (is that a sport, or did I just make it up?) before getting a good night’s sleep before their big shoot. Oh, ha! No. They get all dolled up to go out on the town for another night of drinking.

When they arrive at the restaurant slash bar, Brian is there to ruin the evening. After dinner, he goes to the girls’ room and it looks like someone trashed the place. Eew. Really, eew. These girls are slobs. Despite flying all the way to Hawaii to surprise his fiancée, she decides to spend the night with her girlfriend. Because they need to work on their routine. Mmm hmm.

The cover of the DVD is really, super important because it needs to stand out on the non-existent shelves of video stores circa 1993. So they must drive ten hours to a waterfall to get just the right shot, and they need to get there in time for a sunset. Somehow, they are lost on the island’s one road. I can tell this is “real real” lost and not “reality television real” lost because Karena and Katrina’s hair and makeup is a wreck. Anyway, they ran out of gas so they abandon Brian on the side of the road while they rush to the nearest waterfall to snap a picture.

With two hours until sunset, they arrive at the world’s windiest beach. Hair, makeup, tanning gel, beach, and action! Oh, this is sad. They’re just not models. Next, they need to do their “underwater marketing stills.” But the ocean is not cooperating, what with its waves and undertoes. “Yeah they need to swim out more.” Uh huh. Near those rocks. A little farther. No, a little farther….This was not a very well considered photo shoot. And, they are “way over budget.”

Next week, Day Two of their DVD shoot.

Reprinted from BiteSizeWellness.com