Hannah returns to New York to find Adam living in her old apartment with his new girlfriend. She is, of course, despondent. Because Shoshanna has nothing better to do, she comes over to console her friend. They watch a video of Adam’s new girlfriend being way smarter and prettier than Hannah and it sends Hannah into a deep sadness.

Jessa is also at Hannah’s old apartment, which is now Hannah’s new apartment, along with Adam and his new girlfriend, which makes Hannah Adam’s old girlfriend. Hannah is pissed because Jessa already knew about the new girlfriend but didn’t tell Hannah because Jessa was too busy not caring. Hannah punches Jessa, Jessa punches Hannah, and Hannah finishes the fight by flipping Jessa the bird.

Rather than face the horrors of the new girlfriend with her old boyfriend, Hannah holes up in her bedroom. She takes the quarantine very seriously and pees in a flowerpot-slash-magazine rack. When she eventually emerges from the bedroom (mind you, this is an extra bedroom, something that, much like herpes and a wardrobe constructed entirely of synthetic fabrics, every young person in New York has). Adam’s pregnant sister is on the couch receiving a foot rub from Laird. Absolutely nobody notices that not a single person, nor group of people, in this apartment can afford even a fraction of the rent, furnishings, or general decor.

They ought to just install a revolving door because now Ray is in the kitchen. Where are these people coming from? How do they have this much spare time to just wander around Brooklyn doing pop-ins? Food is being cooked, yet grocery shopping never happened. Hannah cuts her hand on bacon and Ray bandages it up like a doctor, or like someone who keeps bandages in their apartment as opposed to frantically running to Duane Reade. Then he duct tapes a rubber glove over Hannah’s hand and I feel much better about Millennials.

Oh good! Marni pops in to check on Hannah. They yell at each other so Hannah hides in the unrealistically enormous bathroom watching YoutTube videos of Adam’s new girlfriend, who I think might be a Miss America contestant from one of those square states. Marni bursts into the bathroom and explains to Hannah that Adam is with the new girlfriend because Hannah has no redeeming qualities.

With no hope left, Hannah packs her bag but Adam arrives before she can vacate the premises. He rebandages her hand because twenty-four-year-olds are known for keeping bacitracin and gauze in their medicine cabinets. He explains to Hannah that it wasn’t until she was gone that he realized just how intolerable it was to be around her all the time. She cries, begging him to take her back. “No.” He squirts some more ointment on her hand, and they part as friends.

Rather than stay with one of the many, many friends who wandered into her apartment that day, Hannah decides to live in a storage closet with the rest of her possessions.

El fin!

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Golden Globe loser and human rumpus room Lena Dunham is back with her fourth season of Girls. The theme of this season is brought to us by Frank Sinatra:

If I can make it there, I’m gonna make it anywhere.
And if I can’t, I’ll just go to grad school.

College is four years in the rearview mirror, and in that time Hannah has accomplished…nothing. Other than quitting all the jobs. So it’s off to grad school to delay adulthood for another few years. Her on-again boyfriend, Adam, sums it up by noting that Hannah is “taking a next step in a series of random steps.”

The other three yahoos aren’t faring much better. Marni’s having kitchen sex, and Shoshanna is finally getting her diploma from NYU. Wait — that’s [does math] eight years of college?! At $25,000 per semester in tuition (without even talking about room and board), that’s [more math] $400,000 to graduate with no discernible skills! Ugh, parents. Why do you enable? And that other one, Jessa. She’s getting the boot from the elderly artist’s daughter who is the only twenty-something in the confines of this television show with any sort of sense. Also, Jessa seems to have lost her accent. Can that happen?

Oh look, that musician who was screwing Marni in the kitchen is still dating the prettier girl. I can’t tell if everyone is gathered for a going away party for Hannah, or a concert by Marni. Hmm. There are balloons, so I’m going with party. Nope. It’s just the worst jazz brunch in the world. Marni storms off the stage when she realizes that people are paying more attention to their egg white omelets than her braying. Which pretty much sums up this generation.

TOTALLY UNREALISTIC APARTMENT MOMENT: Hannah is moving out of the very large two bedroom apartment she shares with Adam, so…he’s taking over the apartment. Because struggling actors are known for their square footage, and landlords are totally okay with tenants who have no steady income.

Anyway, Hannah’s parents arrive at what is now Adam’s apartment to drive Hannah to grad school. As if anyone thought Hannah could relocate on her own.

Next week, Hannah drops wisdom bombs on her younger classmates.

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Hannah rips some mail that needed not to be ripped, and she tapes it back together before dong what I interpret as a happy dance. She visits Marnie to tell her the good news. “I got into Iowa Writer’s Workshop, which is graduate school.”

Jessa’s being a personal assistant to that artist, B.D. She wants Jessa to help her kill herself. She wakes up every day disappointed that she didn’t die in the night, and she hired Jessa because she thought that Jessa would understand how necessary it is to die.

Shoshanna is at a check-in for her cap and gown, but her name has been flagged. She’s missing a few credits because a sociology professor “decided to fail the shit out of me.” She goes home and tears apart her very expensive Soho apartment when Marnie arrives to fill her in on the whole sleeping with Ray thing. Shoshanna does not react well.

Hannah calls her parents to tell them her big news. Her mother encourages her to sort out the small stuff and do it, just dive into graduate school and “we’ll figure it out.” The question of how to pay for graduate school never comes up. Then, it’s time to tell Adam. So she barges in on him at work, again. She spins it that watching him thrive has made her want to thrive.

Ray, Hannah, Marnie, Shoshanna, and Elijah go to see him on Broadway. Marnie heads backstage to see her singing partner and give him an opening night present. It’s James Taylor’s guitar pick. Then, they make out a little. Or, a lot.

During intermission, Shoshanna wants to have it out with Ray, but all she can say is “I want you back.” Ray, however, wants none of it. She begs, it’s sad, intermission’s over. Anyway, Hannah falls asleep during the show because it’s not a show about her, there’s lots of applause, the crowd loves the performance, and Marnie runs into Clementine in the ladies’ room. She tells Marnie to cut the shit, that Marnie’s a sad, pathetic mess, and it’s not happening. Later that night, Marnie watches the guitar player guy fight with Clementine, and it makes her happy.

After the show, Adam blames his bad performance on Hannah telling him about Iowa right before he went on stage. He’s sick of trying to work it out, and nothing with Hannah is ever easy.

Jessa feeds the old lady, B.D., a glass of water and pills. Then, she demands Jessa call 911 because she doesn’t want to die.

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Hannah can’t really take the hint so she wanders over to Ray’s place to annoy Adam. She feels like Adam is leaving her in slow motion. But he can’t concentrate when she’s around because seeing her is playtime and he needs to think worktime. So he takes her home in a cab that I’m not sure how these two can afford and goes back to Ray’s apartment.

Marnie takes the job as the dim bulb’s assistant. When the dim bulb leaves, Marnie takes the opportunity to shmooze a famous photographer lady. There’s also an open mic thing that Marnie’s doing, but Elijah doesn’t want to go because “she sucks and she needs to stop.” Her performance style is “too stiff and too hopeful.” Hannah has to meet Patti LuPone again since she failed to get any useful material about bone density at their last interview. Hannah lets Elijah tag along because she is both unprofessional and unaware.

Jessa likes to dance. Shoshanna likes to talk as fast as Jessa dances. That is all.

Hannah and Elijah visit Patti LuPone. It gets awkward when Elijah speaks and implies that Patti LuPone was ever an underdog. I think maybe she’s been drinking just a tad.

So it’s not just the chicks, huh? Male millennials have no need for privacy, either? Ray shaves while Adam soaks in a tub and they complain about women.

At work, Hannah declares BS. They’re a squanderization of talent. You see, she’s a real writer. “Am I seriously the only one of us who prides herself on being a truly authentic person…I just expect more from life….” All of this in front of the boss. Guess who’s fired?!

Jessa wanders into the gallery where Marnie is assisting and gets a job as the famous artist’s archivist. Guess who’s fuming?!

Backstage at the performance thing, Marnie and Adam’s guitar-playing friend have a moment. “You know I have a girlfriend, right? That’s not a big issue, is it?” They play guitar and sing and Elijah hopes it’ll be a real mess. But it’s not. It’s very good Lilith Fair music. Shoshanna asks if Hannah’s okay because Adam’s about to be on Broadway and Marnie’s about to be a pop star and Hanna’s supposed to be the talented one but she’s not about to be anything. Then, the girlfriend intervenes and she’s like a hot version of Marnie, so…awkward? And it sends Marnie right back to Ray, her ultimate back-up plan.

At the Broadway practice after party bar thing, Hannah’s bored as hell listening to the theater stories. “I got fired from my job today.” That’s kind of a downer. Adam carries a drunk Hannah back to Ray’s apartment, completely unaware that Ray is busy screwing Marnie. Hannah walks in on them because of that lack of boundaries I was talking about earlier. “Are you effing kidding me?!….You will never judge me again.”

Totally unrelated, but does it bother anyone else that it’s never winter on Girls, but it seems to always and forever be winter in New York?

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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Marnie visits her frenemy at her new gallery and is offered an assistant position. Assistant? Well, her best friend Jeremy is already gallery director, so, yeah. Assistant.

When Hannah gets home, she’s so so so so sorry, but Adam doesn’t seem to care. He’s more concerned with his wardrobe, which is so not Adam. Yup, her top’s off. Drink! Adam rejects her advances because he doesn’t want to get sticky before rehearsal, and now I’m really not hungry anymore.

Marnie is meeting with Adam’s costar and shows him her journal that she wrote on Ambien. He thinks it would work perfectly as a song and calls her a wordsmith. She’s wearing a knit hat and feeling all hipsterific, so she sings while he plays guitar. “There’s flowers in the attic, and I haven’t met Tom yeeeeet!” Then he sings to her. “I need you in my bed now…I’m dying of this thirst girl….” But he was singing it about his girlfriend, Clementine. She lives in Canada.

Oh hi, Jessa. You have the shakes. Must be nice to have such nice friends, who do nothing as you wander off into junkieville. Look! It’s Shoshanna, right there in the same room with headphones on so she doesn’t have to listen to the ramblings of Jessa and her coked up boyfriend. Just sitting there, not doing anything about it other than pretending like everything is normal.

Hannah pops in to check out rehearsals, but she gets kicked out because nobody watches rehearsals. So she hops into bed with Elijah and they eat their feelings.  Then, she calls Adam to plan a rendezvous. She puts on a ton of makeup and a blonde wig to spice things up, but his reaction is “what the…?” as he tries to figure out what on earth is up. Happy role playing! He gets a drink to the face and the show hits the sidewalk and a stranger hits Adam.

Oh thank goodness, Shoshanah plans an interventionish. She finds Jessa’s boyfriend’s daughter, Dottie. He tries to send her away while Jessa picks at her face. Dottie explains that her father is wonderful when he’s sober, so he’s worth saving. She wants her father to “get rid of her.” Dottie says Jessa doesn’t seem like a very nice girl, and hopes she can find the help that she needs.

Hannah takes Adam to Marnie’s apartment and the show goes on. It’s her husband’s apartment, a destroyed dildo, blah blah blah. Oh jeez, she takes off her top and there’s some sort of homemade knit bondage macramé. Adam gives her directions to eat fruit. “From now on the rule is you can’t just have part, you have to take the whole thing or nothing.” Ugh, these two. Then, they have sex. Then, they fight. “You have an old idea of who I am.” And then it happens. Adam has to focus on his part, so he’s going to stay with Ray for a while. It’s just like Patti LuPone said it would be.

Jessa is sad because her boyfriend chose his life and his daughter over her. And did Shoshanna stop by Cancun on her way over to Brooklyn, because that hair braid thing is…interesting.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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Because Hannah is uber awkward, she tracks down Ms. LuPone and asks for five minutes. And it’s all about Hannah and her byline, and how Ms. LuPone has to mention the bone density product they’re selling. They decide that Patti has had osteoporosis for five years. She fractured her ankle walking her imaginary French bulldog, and Hannah actually takes a call from Adam in the middle of the interview. Do not do that, ever. In fact, turn your phone off when you arrive at work and do not check it until you leave. Trust me, whatever else is going on is not in your job description! Patti warns Hannah that Adam is going to be a complete a**hole prepping for his role, during the run, and after it’s over. And she warns her that he’s going to sleep around, even though he’s funny looking. “The Elephant Man got laid a lot.”

Marnie runs into her old friend, Sue Jen, who is opening her own gallery in NoHo because she doesn’t give a fuck. And she’s dirt poor, except for all of her parents’ money that’s going to publicity and architects and blah blah blah where did my youth go? Marnie, on the other hand, is eating FroYo in sweatpants.

Hannah needs to check into the Gramercy Park Hotel so that she can write sixteen reasons why we still love it. Then she gets her first weekly paycheck. After taxes, it’s way more than her rent. Okay, real talk. No, it’s not. Her weekly paycheck is not more than her rent, because she has a multiple bedroom apartment. Sure, it’s in Greenpoint, but still. She’d have to be well into the six figures before her weekly take-home pay approached her rent, which, as a writer of advertisements in magazines that people no longer read, she’s not. Also, to highlight how much Lena Dunham has never had a job and is therefore writing out of her ass, who the heck gets weekly paychecks? Twice a month, hon. And direct deposit. Real talk, over.

Instead of working for all of that money, Hannah blows off her deadlines and goes shopping. Meanwhile, Jessa is suffering from ennui when that crazy Brit from rehab tracks her down. “You’re a wild thing, you can’t be tamed! Come away with me, I know what you need!” That’s not going to end well.

Marnie eats pizza and yammers to Ray about her lousy day, but he can’t do it because it’s not real. “You can’t break up with me Ray, I don’t care about this.” She takes her pizza and leaves.

Hannah has a giant mega baller suite at the Gramercy Park Hotel and celebrates Adam’s part with Shoshanna, Elijah, and Adam’s new work buddy who apparently was on One Tree Hill. Marnie shows up while Adam’s buddy is monologuing about his visionquest to make it all about her. That’s going to be tough with all of that guitar playing and theater acting in the living room. Oh wait, is this a love connection with the actor buddy? Adam doesn’t really want to be a part of the Broadway scene, and Elijah warns, “Well don’t come crying to me when Kristin Chenoweth passes out because you forgot to feed her.”

Jessa arrives with the Brit, high as a kite. The best thing though? He talks at Shoshanna’s pace. It’s perfection. In a new low that I can’t believe no one stopped before it started (some friends, huh?) Jessa steals money from the clothing store. She ends up in a sh*tty hotel with the Brit doing lines of coke off of inferior barware.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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Oh! But it’s not the Hamptons, it’s the North Fork. Which is like the Brooklyn version of the Hamptons. And it’s Marnie’s mother’s friends’ house, so no worries. They’re just regular people whose social circles include luxuries like a pool, and pool noodles, and a rocky beach. Marnie is trying to prove to everyone via Instagram that they can still have fun as a group, so the weekend plans include doing face masks and writing their wishes on pieces of paper that will be burned in the fire pit.

So I wasn’t going to say anything about Hannah’s comically teeny bikini, except she’s the only one who wears one into town instead of putting on, oh, I don’t know, clothes. She runs into her currently gay former boyfriend, Elijah, whose friends are mocking her lack of an ensemble. He apologizes for everything that happened and blah blah blah, they miss each other. Hannah invites Elijah and his friends over even though it’s Marnie’s house, and Marnie’s weekend, and Marnie Marnie Marnie.

Never at any point during the day does Hannah put her clothes back on, despite everyone else being fully clothed. It’s sort of like that nightmare of showing up to high school in your underwear, only it’s real life, and it’s on purpose. And I kind of wish someone would walk up to Lena Dunham and say, “We get it. Hannah is comfortable with her body. The thing is, nobody cares so put some pants on already.”

Marnie tells Elijah about how Charlie dumped her, but it’s okay because his business went under and he’s probably working in a sneakers store. Many drinks later, Marnie has abandonment issues because of her father, but it’s all about Hannah and the space she can’t get from her parents. Finally, Hannah is not the only one in a bathing suit because everyone is in the pool. But then it’s dinnertime. Marnie only cooked enough duck breast for four. (Were you still wondering if you were just like these girls? Because she cooked duck breast.) But no matter, Hannah invites everyone to join them for dinner.

After a fun dance routine, Marnie confesses that she’s pissed that Hannah invited everyone to stay at her house. Oh! And Shoshanna calls Hannah a narcissist…which people have been calling her since she was three. And she calls everyone else “whiny nothings.” Pretty much nobody has fun together anymore, despite the super fun dance routine! Shoshanna is a cruel drunk, and Hannah calls her “not an intellectual.” In the end, Hannah expects Marnie to lower her expectations, but Marnie can’t lower them any further. Shoshanna is so sick of everyone, and Hannah wants her boyfriend who asks for nothing so she gives him everything. Also, Elijah asks his boyfriend to be more respectful towards him because Hannah told him to, and he loves him, but that doesn’t go over so good because it’s about sex, no love. Great weekend, Marnie.

Jessa wakes up the next morning in The Hate House and starts cleaning up from the night before. And cleaning brings all of the girls together, even still-pantsless Hannah. Plus they have the common bond of a dance routine.

Next week, Hannah realizes that she either makes too much money, or too little money. Why she didn’t sort that out before taking the job I’ll never know, but free snacks!

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Hannah is working in the coffee shop, screwing up orders and quitting her job. Someone saw something that she wrote and gave her a staff writing gig at GQ magazine. Ray knows that nobody would ever hire her to write a real article, so it must be an advertorial. Which it is, because it’s sponsored by Neiman Marcus. Also, newsflash! Writing one (sponsored) article per issue does not pay the bills such that a person who is a writer anywhere other than the television can quit their day job. Or their second day job. And it definitely does not get you a cubicle in an office at a magazine. In reality, it’s a freelance writing gig and it pays reasonably well, if you bang out enough of them per month. But whatever.

Ray calls Marnie to “check in” with her and make sure none of the sex stuff ruins their non-friendship. She is aloof and demands that he put on a show of actually caring about her, which he does because he’s the last good guy on the planet.

Hannah doesn’t know what to do in her new cubicle, so she sits around doing not much of anything until an oddly dressed young man stops by to show her the ropes. She learns that advertorial writers are not the same as editorial writers, which burst her bubble…until she hears about the snack room, which is filled with delicious free food. Here’s another reality check—the advertorial writing “staff” (which, as discussed above, does not exist) does not get free food. Ever. If you’re lucky, the publication you work at has a decent cafeteria with reasonably priced soup. But what they don’t have are free Sun Chips, Slim Jims, and Orangina. Yeah. The water fountain is around the corner and to your left, toots.

One day into her new job and Hannah is already neck deep in office politics, with one coworker hating her and the other trying to get her to be his wingwoman. When she gets home, she shows Adam the bag full of snacks she “acquired” from the office and asks how his day went. He blew an acting audition because he doesn’t want an acting job so much as the challenge of reading emotional cues from strangers under a high-pressure situation. I think Hannah just realized he’s a loser.

Ray stops by Marnie’s apartment with vegan muffins to watch some shitty television and get to know her a little bit better. Welcome to the Real Housewives Of Shoot My Brains Outville, Ray. Then, they have very awkward sex followed by a very awkward lunch. These two just do not mesh at all, but neither one of them have anyone else to have lunch with so more dumplings, please!

The next day, Hannah’s coworker Kevin (the one who hates her), tells her that it’s her face he doesn’t like. She then insults the remainder of her coworkers by telling them that she’s a writer-writer, and not whatever it is they are, and that doesn’t go over so good because they’re all writer-writers. And they no longer write-write because they have cushy corporate gigs. She goes into the bathroom and sticks her head under the faucet. Then, she meets with her new boss, Janice. “I don’t want to be here in ten years?” And…she’s fired. And…five seconds later she asks for her job back. And…either work to pay the bills, or work to one day hope to maybe possibly pay the bills if only someone would take the time to actually read the manuscript you sent them instead of tossing it in the “bad” pile. You know, the one that sits there on the desk until the assistant carts it away and returns it to you with a form letter? That pile.

Anyway, Adam gets a callback for an audition because he totally didn’t care about getting the part. Apparently Hannah doesn’t care either, because she falls asleep on the couch while Adam celebrates his very small victory.

Next week, the girls go to a summer house. Sure, why not.

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Since the Super Bowl is on Sunday night and there is a lot, and I mean a lot, of overlap between people who watch sports and people who watch “Girls,” the television Gods decided to air a new episode of “Girls” on Saturday to avoid an inevitable plunge in viewership deeper than a starlet’s neckline at the Oscars.

Hannah goes stargazing at David’s funeral and is introduced to David’s wife, who gushes over how much David spoke about Hannah and really loved her and how she overcame her Tourettes and obesity and…yeah, that wasn’t Hannah. It was another writer. Faux pas, but her husband is dead so she gets a pass.

After the service, the wife apologizes to Hannah and starts rambling about how she is also a writer and was also working on a book with David, but since the publishing house dropped all of David’s projects, it will likely never see the light of day. Hannah presses for more information about whether or not that means her book is dead, too. Oh, and do you happen to know another publisher? And can I maybe use your name? The wife asks if Hannah would “get the fuck out of here” if she gave her a publisher’s name. Yes, yes she would.

Oh good, Hanna’s topless again. Drink! She takes a call from her new publisher contact and sets up a meeting. Meanwhile, Adam and his sister Caroline are fighting in the kitchen. Adam feels that Caroline is an evil person who pukes on everything, with no ambitions but plenty of opinions. Hannah thinks that sounds a lot like Adam. Caroline is upset that Adam thinks of her as an insane dependent nightmare and thinks he has a repressed fantasy about fucking his own sister, which, eew. Hannah explains that being an only child is lonely and difficult, so they should stop their fighting and love each other in a non-sexual way because her life is harder than both of theirs combined.

Marnie calls Hannah and tells her that she got a cute kitten, which is absolutely true. It’s an adorable kitten. When Hannah isn’t terribly interested, Marnie visits Ray and is surprised that he lives in such a nice place, but ugh, it’s in Brooklyn. She wants Ray to tell her what’s wrong with her so that she can take responsibility for the mess that is her life. He reluctantly complies. She is judgmental, easily offended, uptight, and habitually uses people. In sum, Marnie is “a huge fat fucking phony.” But he likes her anyway because he believes that she means well. I get the impression Marnie expected to hear, “you’re too pretty and it’s getting in your way of success.” They hug, and then they kiss, and then they screw on the kitchen table. Huh. Their post-coital interaction is appropriately awkward.

Hannah has a meeting with the publisher contact who “gets” her. Because they don’t “do” e-books, it will be a book-book. Unfortunately, Hannah’s lawyer cousin read the e-book contract like she asked him to, and it turns out that the e-book publisher owns the book and won’t release the rights for at least three years. Hannah deals with this news by knocking her cousin’s credentials, claiming it’s “the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” and claiming that’s the only book in the world that she can write because her entire life was in it, and that’s all of twenty-five years. That’s so weird, because it’s almost like Hannah is Lena Dunham, who can’t write anything unless it’s a story about herself. Weird, right?

Hannah whinges to Caroline and even lets out a self-pitying “why are they doing this to me?” When Caroline doesn’t tell Hannah what she wants to hear, Hannah kicks her out of the apartment. Then, she tries to put it all on Adam, claiming she kicked his sister out because she thought it would make him happy. Well, he’s not happy. And I’m guessing he won’t be for a long while, because Hannah’s good times are over and she seems poised for another crash.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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Hannah is late for a meeting with her e-book editor, David, and spills all of the contents of her pocketbook on the floor in the reception area, which is supposed to make her seem quirky but is something that never happens to women in real life. But it’s okay, because her book editor is late for the meeting, too. Because he’s dead.

Hannah is very freaked out about David’s death because death is scary. Jessa isn’t freaked out about death because her character is very cool with linear conceptions of time. Adam found a picture of Tom Hanks circa 1989 and that’s sort of like death, too. Oh but now we learn the real reason Hannah is all bent out of shape—nobody told her what’s going to happen to her e-book. Adam points out Hannah’s self-centeredness: Are you feeling anything? Beyond when your e-book is going to hit the stands? Silly Adam, it’s an e-book. There are no stands.

According to Gawker, David’s body was found face-down in the Hudson River. “Gawker? You’re getting your news from Gawker?” A fight breaks out between Hannah and Adam over whether it’s okay to get news from Gawker and Jezebel and…wait a second…is this a product placement for Gawker? That would explain why Gawker has been kissing Lena Dunham’s arse lately, despite being exactly the kind of star it normally takes particular glee ripping into a million little pieces.

Anyhoo, Jessa asks Shoshanna about death and Shoshanna rambles on about some friend who died, but then Shoshanna got to take her place in the friend group so it all worked out pretty well in the end. The cold, clammy end. Jessa lost a friend, too. She choked on vomit or something. Shoshanna encourages Jessa to call the friend’s mother as a way of working through the loss. Surprisingly, Jessa follows this sound advice. She awkwardly calls her dead friend’s mother and asks to visit the sarcophagus or tombstone or whatever it is, but the dead friend isn’t very dead at all. She just played dead so that she no longer had to hang out with Jessa because Jessa was a total junkie enabler. And now she lives in a gorgeous Brooklyn brownstone with a husband and a baby. Ouch.

Adam is scared of how Hannah would act if something happened to him, like “ooh I hope I can make rent.” Hannah claims that it would be “extremely sad” if Adam died, but that sound weak since if Hannah died, Adam wouldn’t know what a tree was anymore.

When Hannah gets to work, she upgrades David to a “close friend,” her editor and “collaborator.” It’s a reason to talk about how she feels, and an excuse to take the day off. Next she visits Laird to tell him that her friend died. Unfortunately for Hannah, Laird has lots of death in his life, including a turtle, so the conversation isn’t enough about Hannah. Adam’s sister shows up just in time and takes Hannah for a walk. They run and tumble through a graveyard like a kooky British comedy because it’s super fun to be carefree when people are mourning.

Marnie is working hard in the coffee shop when she hears her song. Ray is showing it to a coworker, who is having a good guffaw. Marnie flips out. “This place fucking sucks. No one wants to work here…fancy people want to work with me, so I’m going to go give them that pleasure.” And with that, she turns in her apron and is done with manual labor.

Jessa goes to the park. That’s it. She just goes to the park, hugs herself with some piano music playing in the background, and smiles. It probably means something.

Hannah meets Adam on their stoop and says that she was just shocked at how random? Life can be? “It always takes me a little while to process my emotions?” There’s more up-talking? Then Hannah tells Adam a sad story about a dead girl that is the same exact sad story about a dead girl Adam’s sister told her, like, twelve minutes ago, to prove that she has emotions.

Next week, Hannah’s book is deader than David.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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