Oh! But it’s not the Hamptons, it’s the North Fork. Which is like the Brooklyn version of the Hamptons. And it’s Marnie’s mother’s friends’ house, so no worries. They’re just regular people whose social circles include luxuries like a pool, and pool noodles, and a rocky beach. Marnie is trying to prove to everyone via Instagram that they can still have fun as a group, so the weekend plans include doing face masks and writing their wishes on pieces of paper that will be burned in the fire pit.
So I wasn’t going to say anything about Hannah’s comically teeny bikini, except she’s the only one who wears one into town instead of putting on, oh, I don’t know, clothes. She runs into her currently gay former boyfriend, Elijah, whose friends are mocking her lack of an ensemble. He apologizes for everything that happened and blah blah blah, they miss each other. Hannah invites Elijah and his friends over even though it’s Marnie’s house, and Marnie’s weekend, and Marnie Marnie Marnie.
Never at any point during the day does Hannah put her clothes back on, despite everyone else being fully clothed. It’s sort of like that nightmare of showing up to high school in your underwear, only it’s real life, and it’s on purpose. And I kind of wish someone would walk up to Lena Dunham and say, “We get it. Hannah is comfortable with her body. The thing is, nobody cares so put some pants on already.”
Marnie tells Elijah about how Charlie dumped her, but it’s okay because his business went under and he’s probably working in a sneakers store. Many drinks later, Marnie has abandonment issues because of her father, but it’s all about Hannah and the space she can’t get from her parents. Finally, Hannah is not the only one in a bathing suit because everyone is in the pool. But then it’s dinnertime. Marnie only cooked enough duck breast for four. (Were you still wondering if you were just like these girls? Because she cooked duck breast.) But no matter, Hannah invites everyone to join them for dinner.
After a fun dance routine, Marnie confesses that she’s pissed that Hannah invited everyone to stay at her house. Oh! And Shoshanna calls Hannah a narcissist…which people have been calling her since she was three. And she calls everyone else “whiny nothings.” Pretty much nobody has fun together anymore, despite the super fun dance routine! Shoshanna is a cruel drunk, and Hannah calls her “not an intellectual.” In the end, Hannah expects Marnie to lower her expectations, but Marnie can’t lower them any further. Shoshanna is so sick of everyone, and Hannah wants her boyfriend who asks for nothing so she gives him everything. Also, Elijah asks his boyfriend to be more respectful towards him because Hannah told him to, and he loves him, but that doesn’t go over so good because it’s about sex, no love. Great weekend, Marnie.
Jessa wakes up the next morning in The Hate House and starts cleaning up from the night before. And cleaning brings all of the girls together, even still-pantsless Hannah. Plus they have the common bond of a dance routine.
Next week, Hannah realizes that she either makes too much money, or too little money. Why she didn’t sort that out before taking the job I’ll never know, but free snacks!