Girls Season 3, Ep. 5: Only Child

Girls Season 3 Episode 5

Since the Super Bowl is on Sunday night and there is a lot, and I mean a lot, of overlap between people who watch sports and people who watch “Girls,” the television Gods decided to air a new episode of “Girls” on Saturday to avoid an inevitable plunge in viewership deeper than a starlet’s neckline at the Oscars.

Hannah goes stargazing at David’s funeral and is introduced to David’s wife, who gushes over how much David spoke about Hannah and really loved her and how she overcame her Tourettes and obesity and…yeah, that wasn’t Hannah. It was another writer. Faux pas, but her husband is dead so she gets a pass.

After the service, the wife apologizes to Hannah and starts rambling about how she is also a writer and was also working on a book with David, but since the publishing house dropped all of David’s projects, it will likely never see the light of day. Hannah presses for more information about whether or not that means her book is dead, too. Oh, and do you happen to know another publisher? And can I maybe use your name? The wife asks if Hannah would “get the fuck out of here” if she gave her a publisher’s name. Yes, yes she would.

Oh good, Hanna’s topless again. Drink! She takes a call from her new publisher contact and sets up a meeting. Meanwhile, Adam and his sister Caroline are fighting in the kitchen. Adam feels that Caroline is an evil person who pukes on everything, with no ambitions but plenty of opinions. Hannah thinks that sounds a lot like Adam. Caroline is upset that Adam thinks of her as an insane dependent nightmare and thinks he has a repressed fantasy about fucking his own sister, which, eew. Hannah explains that being an only child is lonely and difficult, so they should stop their fighting and love each other in a non-sexual way because her life is harder than both of theirs combined.

Girls Season 3 Episode 5 - 2

Marnie calls Hannah and tells her that she got a cute kitten, which is absolutely true. It’s an adorable kitten. When Hannah isn’t terribly interested, Marnie visits Ray and is surprised that he lives in such a nice place, but ugh, it’s in Brooklyn. She wants Ray to tell her what’s wrong with her so that she can take responsibility for the mess that is her life. He reluctantly complies. She is judgmental, easily offended, uptight, and habitually uses people. In sum, Marnie is “a huge fat fucking phony.” But he likes her anyway because he believes that she means well. I get the impression Marnie expected to hear, “you’re too pretty and it’s getting in your way of success.” They hug, and then they kiss, and then they screw on the kitchen table. Huh. Their post-coital interaction is appropriately awkward.

Hannah has a meeting with the publisher contact who “gets” her. Because they don’t “do” e-books, it will be a book-book. Unfortunately, Hannah’s lawyer cousin read the e-book contract like she asked him to, and it turns out that the e-book publisher owns the book and won’t release the rights for at least three years. Hannah deals with this news by knocking her cousin’s credentials, claiming it’s “the worst thing that’s ever happened to me,” and claiming that’s the only book in the world that she can write because her entire life was in it, and that’s all of twenty-five years. That’s so weird, because it’s almost like Hannah is Lena Dunham, who can’t write anything unless it’s a story about herself. Weird, right?

Hannah whinges to Caroline and even lets out a self-pitying “why are they doing this to me?” When Caroline doesn’t tell Hannah what she wants to hear, Hannah kicks her out of the apartment. Then, she tries to put it all on Adam, claiming she kicked his sister out because she thought it would make him happy. Well, he’s not happy. And I’m guessing he won’t be for a long while, because Hannah’s good times are over and she seems poised for another crash.

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