Things are still a bit tense between Anna and Bates. He’s a brooder, and brooders brood. And finances are still a bit dodgy with the great estates, so Downton decides to raise pigs. Ooh, how glamorous!
Rose wants to surprise Lord Grantham for his birthday with a live band straight from a London club. Uh, that doesn’t sound like something his Lordship would like at all.
The Dowager Countess suspects her new gardener is stealing bits and pieces from her house. But the gardener was recommended by Mrs. Crawley, who is outraged. Outraged, I tells ya! Oh but how embarrassing, the missing bauble turns up in the maid’s pocket. But she won’t unfire him because a very important letter opener also went missing under his watch. That is, until Mrs. Crawley discovers it buried in a chaise cushion. When Mrs. Crawley gets all up on her high horse about it, the Dowager Countess has quite the surprise. She has already apologized to the gardener and offered him his job back. Take that, Mrs. Crawley.
Lady Edith is in tears because nobody has heard from the almost-German in ages. But you know who does hear from someone? Alfred. From the Ritz-Carlton. Someone dropped out of the course and he was next in line, so it’s off to London for an exciting new career as a fancy schmancy chef. How exciting! Well, unless you’re Daisy, in which case how awful.
When Mr. Mosely learns of Alfred’s good fortune, he lowers himself to reiterate his interest in the Footman position. Mr. Carson turns him away because the position requires a certain amount of enthusiasm that Mr. Mosely does not seem to possess. But Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Padmore guilts Mr. Carson into hiring Mr. Mosely, so Mr. Carson tosses in the towel and gives Mr. Mosely the Footman’s position.
Anna and Bates go to dine at a fancy hotel, but the maitre’d can’t seem to find their reservation because Anna looks like an absolute schlub in her dowdy hate and out-of-syle peasant’s dress. Luckily Lady Grantham is there to sort things out and they are immediately seated at the finest table not at all near the kitchen. But Anna can’t enjoy herself just yet.
Mr. Carson delivers a letter to Lady Edith, but it’s not the good news she was hoping for—rather, it’s a whole other kind of good news:
I am writing to confirm my findings of our recent consultation, in that your signs and symptoms are consistent with those of the first trimester of pregnancy. I look forward to being of further assistance to you.
OH MAH GAWD, EDITH IS KNOCKED UP! And just when her fashion sense has taken a turn for the better.
Lady Mary’s latest suitor, Mr. Handsome, arrives with his business partner, Mr. Blake. They are large estates like Downton and analyze whether such estates are good for modern society.
Rose arrives in the kitchen to announce the secretive arrival of the London nightclub band. And, surprise! The lead singer is black! Which makes Downton Abbey about as diverse as an episode of Girls. After a dinner during which Mary snips and snipes at Mr. Blake and Tom confirms his desire to move to America, the band starts playing in the next room. Surprise! There’s a black man singing a jazz tune in your living room! The only one who seems truly horrified is Edith, which makes me think she might fit in with the Germans quite nicely.
*Gasp!* Scandal! Mary catches Rose making out with the singer! Mary looks about ready to vomit. Jeez, can’t she even let Edith have vomiting?
Linda Sue Strong is the founder of entertainment blog TerribleTelevision.com and an occasional attorney. She is such a Lady Edith, with a splash of Carson. Follow her at @themisslinda.by