It’s the twelfth and final leg, and it sends teams to Las Vegas. And oh, surprise! Brendon and Rachel live in Las Vegas. Of course they do, because it’s the tackiest place on earth. The Howells leave first at 4:31 a.m., followed by My Family Is Famous a few minutes later. When Brendon and Rachel rip open their envelope, the squeeling can be heard all the way across the pond.

Everyone’s on the same flight, and there’s talk about Rachel pushing one of the blonde chicks. Anyway, they’re all headed for the dessert and are told to get out of their cars and dig. Nowhere in particular, just…dig. The Howells find a box that says, “David Copperfield.” The instructions say to open the box, but there’s nothing to open it with so the teams start prying. Brendon and Rachel find keys.

Roadblock! Teams will be locked inside of a wooden crate and must find the one key that will undo their shackles. Then, they will look for lock picks outside of the crate, something about a crane, and there’s David Copperfield. The youngest Howell is blindfolded and led off to his crate followed by the blonde called “Jen” and Rachel.

The Howell kid unlocks his handcuffs first, but now he has to pick a lock. This is by far the least exciting final Roadblock ever…until they light the crate on fire and suspend it twenty feet in the air. Then it’s, like, the third least exciting Roadblock. The Howells receive their next clue, and it sends them to the Neon Boneyard Museum where they must search for their next clue. Brendon and Rachel are next, with My Family Is Famous bringing up the rear.

Brendon and Rachel say that if they win the race, they’re going to have babies. Well, that’s another reason to root for any other team. The clue tells The Howells to take a certain light bulb and go to the employee entrance of The Mirage. Rachel used to work at The Mirage, and that’s enough to give you nightmares. On their way out, Rachel and Brendon try to steal another cab because their cab driver sucks, but the nice cab driver wouldn’t leave his passengers in the dust.

Somehow, My Family Is Famous get to the clue box first. The clue sends them up into the air to replace and count the light bulbs in the “I” of The Mirage’s sign. The Howells are five minutes behind, and Brendon and Rachel are still struggling with their slowpoke cab driver. They get out of their cab early and run for it because Rachel is convinced that she knows where the employee entrance is from her years of working at the hotel. Somehow, they’re inside the hotel and running around the employee hallways. They decide that they have to search the hotel for their clue, and it’s delightful watching them struggle with very simple instructions. They call each other “babe” a few dozen times and finally stumble on the clue box.

The Howells blaze past My Family Is Famous, but they have the wrong light bulb count. They finish first but the girls are very close behind. In a footrace, the elder Howell will lose.

The next clue sends teams to Maverick Helicopters in Henderson, Nevada. And by teams, I mean everyone except Brendon and Rachel who are still on top of the sign. Ugh. Rachel is whining about “I want a baby so bad,” as if there’s no way to conceive a child unless you win The Amazing Race.

Roadblock! Skydive to the finish line from a helicopter in a blinking jumpsuit. But first, they must spot a sign on the Las Vegas Strip with their landing zone. The editing indicates that Brendon and Rachel are out of contention. The funny thing is, Rachel is crying about how “I don’t want to come in second, I want to come in first,” when she’s pretty much set to come in third at best.

Both the Howells and My Family Is Famous spot the sign that says the Race ends at the Mother Speedway. This is weird. The other half of the teams are already there waiting for them to skydive down to the field. Thanks to the blinking supersuits, nobody can tell which person is skydiving to the finish line. Well, we know it’s not Brendon and Rachel, so for me it’s already a win-win.

And it’s Mr. Howell! The father and son run to the mat and win another million dollars, which makes Dave the oldest winner of The Amazing Race and the first winning parent and child team.  My Family Is Famous check in as Team Number Two, also known as First Loser.

Now I can just kick back and watch Brendon and Rachel lose much more badly than expected. Rachel weeps on the ground as Brendon hurls his useless self towards her at not-high-enough speed to check in as Team Number Three.

Thanks for being such great spectators. The next season of The Amazing Race is the one I was supposed to be on, if anyone from the show ever bothered to call from my spectacular audition video. But I’m not bitter at all. Nope. I’ll still watch from the comforts of my couch and pine on how much better I could have done each Roadblock because after a million episodes, this is still the best reality show on television.

Reprinted from TravelFreak.com

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The Cowboys missed their exit for the airport while Brendon and Rachel stop at a travel agency. They learn that the first flight to Seville has already left, but what they don’t know is that the Howells and the Cousins are on that flight. The remaining three teams fly to Barcelona where they will spend the night before arriving in Seville early in the morning. I guess they’re banking on a task that doesn’t open until the morning? And of course, the first clue must wait until 8:30 a.m.

The Howells and the Cousins get their clues first and work together to U-Turn Brendon and Rachel. Roadblock! Become barbers of Seville to shave a balloon in 60 seconds. They both fail on the first try, but then the Howells pass on the second and the Cousins third.

The Cowboys and My Family Is Famous start shaving balloons while Brendon and Rachel’s cab driver is lost somewhere in Seville. Oh, it’s delicious to watch. When they finally arrive, My Family Is Famous is on her third try and the Cowboys on the second. Ugh, Rachel finishes the Roadblock first. Then one of the blondes gets it, leaving the Cowboys in last place.

Detour! Spanish Steps or Run With the Ballz. In Spanish Steps, teams join a flamenco group and do a little dancey-dance. In Run with the Ballz, teams put on giant bull bubble suits and run a course while trying to memorize a phrase on the walls. The Howells and the Cousins do the run. It’s a tight fit between buildings and there are other bubble bulls that knock them down. Wow, this is rather violent!

Even though they are in last place, the Cowboys get to the Detour first. But they take a wrong turn and can’t find the clue box, giving Brendon and Rachel a head start. Meanwhile, My Family Is Famous have a Speed Bump that requires them to deliver hams. It’s a no-brainer like every Speed Bump and they finish just as the Cowboys find their clue.

Everyone runs in the bull balls except for My Family Is Famous who dance with the flamingos, which I am disappointed to learn does not require standing on one leg. Holy cow, the bull ball attacks are really serious! I don’t know how the elder Howell made it out of there in one piece. The Howells finish first and are on to the next clue while the Cousins are being battered by the bulls (and throwing a few punches themselves). And then, a kneecap pops. That’s going to slow them down.

The Howells get to the U-Turn first, and its’ a Double U-Turn. For some insane reason, they choose not to U-Turn anyone. Weak! Instead, they jog to the pit stop. Anyway, I’m loving watching Rachel whine about how the bulls should be gentler with the girls. “They’re so mean to me! They’re bullying me!” Ugh, the Cowboys missed the first part of their clue and have to go back.

The Cousins U-Turn the Cowboys as the strongest team in the hopes that the Cowboys will U-Turn Brendon and Rachel. But it’s Brendon and Rachel who get to the U-Turn next, and they choose not to U-Turn anyone.

The Howells are Team Number One. Again. Hahaha, Rachel fell on her way to the pit stop. Brendon and Rachel check in as Team Number Two since the Cousins are limping along with  a bum knee. They check in as Team Number Three.

The Cowboys finally finish up the Detour, but so does My Family Is Famous. So if the Cowboys don’t make it to the U-Turn in time, they’re done for. Oh no! My Family Is Famous arrive first and U-Turn Brendon and Rachel, not realizing that they’re ahead. My Family Is Famous checks in as Team Number Four, not yet realizing that the Cowboys are out.

The Cowboys do their flamenco dance and just have fun with it since they know all hope is lost. Jet and Cord are the last team to arrive and are eliminated from the Race.

Next week, soccer! I mean football! And Rachel cries.

Reprinted from TravelFreak.com

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On this week’s episode of The Amazing Race Brendon and Rachel depart first at 6:13 a.m. and are headed to Switzerland. As they jog away from the pit stop, they try to justify U-Turning the Howells, which, according to everyone else, is unjustifiable. “Who would U-Turn Dave and Conner? They’re cancer survivors, they’re the sweetest people in the whole world, I mean while we’re in Italy they were canonized for crying out loud.”

With not a second to spare, the Cousins, the Howells, and My Family Is Famous hop on the same train as Brendon and Rachel. They form an alliance to get the evil duo eliminated, but wait—where are the Cowboys? They’re waiting for a different train, which sounds like not the best idea in the world.

Once in Switzerland, the four teams in the front of the pack hop in their sponsored cars and drive to a small town in the Alps to find Wilhelm Tell. A statue tells them to come back at sunrise, which gives the Cowboys time to catch up. The clue sends tems to the oldest bridge in Europe which is in the town of Lucerne. Rachel and Brendon are the only team to screw this one up, which is fairly delightful.

The clue sends teams to a hotel that has been trashed by rock stars where they must clean the rooms to Swiss standards. But I don’t know, these rooms just look messy and tousled, not trashed. Helga is the head of cleaning, and she rejects the Cowboy’s room, the Cousin’s room, and My Family Is Famous’s room, and the Howell’s room. Brendon and Rachel arrive and it turns out that Rachel was a maid for four years.

Their first room-check is close, with only one reading lamp in the wrong spot. The Cowboys finish first and must drive to the Swiss Museum of Transport and answer a question to receive their next clue. The Cousins and the Howells receive their clues next, followed closely behind by My Family Is Famous. At the museum, teams must figure out that they’re looking at a giant drill bit. The Cowboys totally knew what it was and had to search the museum for a classic Ford Mustang and calculate the model year of their car using the billboards and a mathematic formula. Uhh…math is hard.

The Cousins arrive next and have no idea what the artifact is, but the Howells know and tell the Cousins and My Family Is Famous. Wow, they all really, really, really want Brendon and Rachel out. And it works, because when Rachel and Brendon arrive they have some serious time-sucking trouble answering the question.

The Cowboys again finish first and receive a clue to drive to another beautiful mountain village, with the Howells and the Cousins right behind. But the Cousins go back to help My Family Is Famous who are lousy at math and they both drive off, leaving Brendon and Rachel in the dust. But Brendon and Rachel are no dummies and bang out the task in no time flat, so it’s really anyone’s game.

Roadblock! Fetch milk from a dairy farm using a dog and cart…via gondola. The milk cans are seriously heavy, and it’s uphill in the snow both ways. Once back down the mountain on the gondola, the dogs do the heavy work and pull the milk on a cart. The Cowboys pull ahead of the Howells with a bigger, faster dog and receive a clue to the pit stop in another pretty town, on top of another pretty mountain.

The Howells arrive at the gondola up to the pit stop first because their driving skills and make a huge error—they didn’t see the sign to the second gondola that takes them all the way to the top, and it puts the Howells, the Cowboys, and the Cousins in the same gondola. There’s angling for a spot by the door, and it’s a foot race to the finish. Te Cowboys and the Cousins take a wrong turn, letting the slowpoke Howells finish as Team Number One. And, they each won a car. Ugh. The Cowboys are second, and the Cousins third.

Remember those heavy cans of milk? My Family Is Famous is still schlepping them around a mountain as Brendon and Rachel check in as Team Number Four. But, it’s another non-elimination leg so My Family Is Famous catches another lucky break and is still in the Race.

Reprinted from TravelFreak.com

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On this week’s The Amazing Race, Brendon and Rachel are the first to leave at 7:30 a.m. and drive to a remote Italian village. The next teams, My Family Is Famous and the Howells, leave about an hour later and work together to get to the destination. The Cowboys depart a few minutes later and remind us that they must use their Express Pass during this leg. Last to hit the road are the Globetrotters and the Cousins. It looks like we’ve got ourselves a race!

Detour! Donkey Run is a donkey race where teams must race their donkeys three laps around the course before a band stops playing. Donkey Build requires teams to assemble a wooden donkey and deliver it to the woodworker to receive their next clue. Brendon and Rachel choose Donkey Run, and Rachel ends up chasing her donkey around the course until Brendon also falls off. I just wish the other teams were there to see this.

Oh look! The Howells arrive.  I’m sure donkey racing is just like polo matches, so they should do just fine. Rachel and Brendon finish the Detour and are sent on foot to search for their next clue. When they arrive, they see a Double U-Turn. They choose to U-Turn the Howells because they saw them right behind. It’s a dumb move since the Howells have plenty of time to complete both tasks, but whatever.

The Cowboys go straight to the end of the Detour to hand in their Express Pass and are now in second place behind Brendon and Rachel so that they can reach the U-Turn in time to U-Turn someone else. The Howells see that they’re on the U-Turn board and have to U-Turn someone else—the Cousins. They see the Cousins on the way down a hill and explain why they did what they did, and both teams work together to complete the donkey construction task. Aww, that’s nice. My Family Is Famous arrive and it’s one big happy family again.

Meanwhile, the Globetrotters are lost. Very lost. Uh oh lost.

Roadblock! Copy a page from an ancient manuscript, complete with gold leafing and calligraphy. Rachel takes this one, and she’s an “artist” who did calligraphy when she was “younger.” When the Cowboys arrive, the local monks borrow their hats because why the heck not. Oh wow, those monks are super picky about the calligraphy. Rachel’s got rejected for being inconsistently thin and thick. She gets it on her second try and receive a clue to ride a funicular to the town center and run to the pit stop at a piazza.

The Globetrotters try the Donkey Run, but those noble beasts aren’t going anywhere with giant basketball players on their backs so they switch tasks. Unfortunately, the Cousins have already finished so that puts the Globetrotters solidly in last place. Not to get into too many gruesome details, but the construction project didn’t go so good, either. So the Globetrotters switched back to the donkey races. They complete the task to cheers from the crowd and try to get themselves back in contention.

Brendon and Rachel check in as Team Number One, with the Cowboys in second place. My Family Is Famous gets lost on the way to the pit stop, and it looks like the Howells messed up, too. But they all get back on track with the Cousins somehow checking in third, the Howells fourth, and My Family Is Famous fifth.

That leaves the Globetrotters in last place, checking in after sunset and we all know that it’s never good to check in after sunset. They have been eliminated from the race.

Next week, everyone makes fun of Brendon and Rachel and form an alliance to get them eliminated.

Reprinted from TravelFreak.com

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The seventh leg of The Amazing Race begins in Sri Lanka with the Cousins departing at 2:41 p.m. for the “eternal city,” which they must figure out is Rome, Italy. The Cowboys depart one minute later and already know where they are going. Everyone else is within an hour, and Rachel wipes out running to the travel agency that is sort of delightful to watch.

Everyone’s on the same flight, so boring. At the appointed bridge, the teams must choose between Gladiator or Charioteer. The Gladiator challenge involves actual swords, whereas the Charioteer challenge uses remote controlled chariots. So clearly Gladiator is the better challenge. My Family Is Famous has a Speed Bump that requires them to pick up a typewriter from the Pantheon and bring it to another. Why are these Speed Bumps always so easy?

I can’t tell you how disappointed everyone is to learn that the chariots are tiny remote controlled toys. They must race them around the track five times before the fire goes out. But first, all teams must be dressed in seriously elaborate ancient Roman outfits.

John and Jessica are not doing well at the Gladiator task. Well, Jessica is doing great, but John keeps using his shield when he should be using his sword. It looks like all of the other teams went for the Chariot challenge, and that’s a lot of remote control chariots on the track which makes the challenge even harder. So the Cousins switched tasks. This annoys Brendon and Rachel because they were the first team there so they should have full use of the track? I don’t know. It’s impossible to follow Rachel’s “logic.”

Oh no! When My Family Is Famous finish their Speed Bump, they choose Chariot. Back at Gladiator, John finally stops screwing up and they receive their next clue which sends them to the Piazza di Spagna. Brendan and Rachel also finish their task and are off to the Piazza. The Cowboys and the Howells are close behind. Once they leave, the Globetrotters have enough room on the course to finish, leaving My Family Is Famous at the task by themselves.

Double oh noes! John and Jessica’s taxi driver take them to the wrong place! And the Cousins aren’t doing so good at being Gladiators. But for everyone else, it’s all about the Spanish Steps. The Roadblock requires them to count the number of steps and something something something Roman numerals and postcards. Rachel declares Brendon a mathlete genius wizard, so it should be fun watching him struggle.

John and Jessica ditch tier taxi and go in search of a hotel? I’m not sure there’s time for a nap, but okay. They use the Internet to figure out what everyone else already knew. Well, maybe Brendon is good with numbers because he finished the Roadblock first and received a clue to go to the Piazza del Popolo. They check in as Team Number One.

Triple oh noes! The Cowboys also went to the wrong place! Quadruple oh noes! So did the Globetrotters!

My Family Is Famous and the Howells are off to the Pit Stop just as the remaining teams arrive at the Spanish Steps. The Cowboys get it right and bolt for the Pit Stop and check in as Team Number Four. They still have the Express Pass that they will need to use in the next leg of the race.

The Globetrotters start the Roadblock, and Jessica and John and the Cousins are still behind them. Flight Time keeps getting it wrong, and I’m thinking he’s missing part of the clue. The Cousins get it right and for some strange reason give the answer to Flight Time and John. I guess they were all thinking My Family Is Famous hadn’t gotten to the Roadblock yet. But in reality, now all three teams were racing to stay in the game. The Cousins reach the mat, and it’s a footrace between the Globetrotters and Jessica and John. The Cousins are Team Number Five, the Globetrotters are Team Number Six, and Jessica and John are eliminated from the race. Awkward? Awkward.

Next week, there’s the dreaded Double U-Turn and people start to play a little dirty.

Reprinted from TravelFreak.com

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The Cowboys depart the fifth leg of The Amazing Race at 2:26 p.m., and are flying to Sri Lanka and find Gangaramaya Temple to receive their next clue. The Howells leave shortly thereafter and note that this is the leg of the race where they “self-eliminated” last time. Bizarre, but okay.

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OMG, it’s the final episode of  The Amazing Race and I almost care who wins! After a season filled with lying, yelling, crying, and a little bit of running, one of the teams is going to be a million dollars richer. And I’ll be mildly annoyed if it’s not the Doctors, even though they barely have a snowball’s chance in hell (don’t they just seem perpetually jetlagged?).

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I leave for two weeks and we’re down to only four teams on The Amazing Race, none of which are the Golddiggers? Well okay, then. The teams start out the tenth leg in Indonesia. The Cousins depart first, followed closely behind by I Hate You Too. Both members of the teams must devour grilled cobra before receiving their next clue.

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