The kids are playing underneath the pier, where all of the good debris washes ashore. Louise calls dibs on all hook hands and peg legs just in time for Gene to find something that smells amazing, like a boy’s locker room in spring time.

The smelly lump is called ambergris, and is basically something pooped out by a whale. It’s used in the production of high-end perfume, which is why it smelled gross-great. They look it up and see that a lump is worth $30,000 and retrieve it from her parents’ bedroom. But it is illegal to sell ambergris because whales are endangered. After a few slaps across the faces from Louise, they’re selling it anyhow.

Gene tries to eat the lump because the Internet says it’s edible and Gene is like a goat. So now Louise is on patrol for Gene’s nibbling and Tina’s confessing. In order to sell their lump, the kids need help from Mickey the carnie. He negotiates a ten percent finder’s fee which will help him buy his monkey barn.

Louise sleeps with one eye open, protecting the ambergris with the skill of a psychopath and the passion of an Ancient Roman. After one sleepless night, Mickey found someone at Wonder Warf to buy the ambergris. It’s the fried dough guy, who is called The Nose. He can verify the ambergris and, if it’s authentic, buy it on the spot. Louise calls a kid’s meeting and they really need a conference room. Louise wants to cut Mickey out of the loop since he already gave them all of the information they need. Risky move, Louise.

To keep the ambergris safe, she tapes it to her back like in the movies. At this point ,her eye is twitching from lack of sleep. She leaves the house like a girl with a hunch on her back and is going to come back like a girl with a whole lotta money. Hump Back Wacky Eye talks to The Nose. She passes him a bit of ambergris. It’s finely aged. And he gives her twelve dollars. She’s small and twitchy, and he’s big and wiley. Luckily, she has no ambergris on her back because Tina taped a cantaloupe and dirty socks to her back instead. Just in case.

Tina and Gene bring the lump to Mickey who wants to use the money to buy a tank to rob a bank. To stop this travesty, Tina threatens to throw the ambergris in the water. But it floats, so that turns out to be a very bad idea. Louise, Mickey, and the Nose corner Tina. She panics and chucks the lump into the dough fryer. There goes the ambergris, and the money.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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The kids are watching The Equestranauts in preparation for the Equestra Con, which is a convention for people who love the tiny horsie cartoon. Tina is bringing her toy pony, Chariot. But when they get there, it’s pretty much all men dressed up as colorful ponies. Sort of like your worst nightmare of what you might image a Bronie convention to be like, but everyone is much, much older.

Tina meets some new middle-aged friends—Sun Puddle Horseplay, Pony Danza, and Bronconious. She’s sort of in heaven, because everyone wants to talk about her favorite cartoon and, in this context, her jokes are funny. But it turns out that they’re just after her first addition Chariot doll. Once they con her out of her toy horse, they gallop away.

Bob wants to go down to the convention and get Tina’s pony doll back, but in order to do so, he has to get up to speed on the Equestranauts because the people he’s trying to infiltrate knows everything about the Equestranaut multiverse. Next step is a costume. And a pony name—Bobcefula.

Bobcefula runs into Bronconious, who thinks he looks ridiculous.  Then, they go for face painting and break up for primping and grooming for the big party that evening.

Bobcefula’s cocktails are…strong. He says that he read a rumor about a really rare Equestranauts doll with major camel toe, but instead of answering the question, they dance. And drink. And climb into a van. And go to an afterparty, which is…much creepier. Then, Bronconious brings Bob back to his hotel room to see his collection of rare dolls. But Bronconious has an interesting use for Tina’s Chariot doll. He sucks on its nose because it keeps him young.

Then, Bob rambles on about zombie Equestranauts that he read about in Tina’s fanfic. Bronconious is not amused, and forces Bob to get an Equestranaut tattoo. Tina, Linda, Gene and Louise show up to save the day, or ruin everything. Tina barges in and says that they have ruined everything, and not just with the sexually charged awkward confusing vibe at the party.

Tina gets her pony back, Bob gets 1/10^th of a tattoo, and Bob promises to call Sun Puddle soon.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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It’s Superbowl Weekend, and Jimmy Pesto’s restaurant across the street is starting early. So is Gene, who is holding all of his bowel movements until halftime, at which point he will make a giant poop. Linda talks some truth to her son. “Gene, you can’t hold your poops in soon, you gotta set them free so they can go down the sewer and find their families and they’re happy!”

Jimmy Pesto stops by Bob’s Burgers to mock Bob’s tiny television and cooking booties. Bob then claims to have a big plan to pack the restaurant for Superbowl Sunday which is going to destroy Jimmy Pesto. But he’s got nothing, so he goes to the supermarket to buy ingredients for Linda’s zucchini weenie paninis. While driving, he gets a (really bad) brilliant idea—a bi-county commercial during the game. Tina didn’t realize their county was bi, but “good for us.” Linda is lukewarm on the idea, until Bob promises to let her sing.

During brainstorming, a celebrity endorsement is suggested but shot down in favor of a commercial about the family. Louise comes up with the tag line—come meet our family and let us “meat” you. Gene adds a background track on the Casio, and Linda busts out a mediocre jingle. Then Tina brings everyone back to reality. “Not to be Missy Pissy, but how are we going to make the commercial in just four days?” Bob calls in Randy to make the commercial, even though Randy is a complete idiot. Louise explains that this is a point-and-shoot operation, “I point, and you shoot.”

Tina tries out her sexy hair flip but Louse tells her to stick to the script because she can “weird it up in the mirror” whenever. There’s also a banner, Gene in a hamburger outfit squirting mustard out of his crotch, and Bob realizes they’re really, really, really screwed.

Bob calls in Teddy’s former NFL player friend, Sandy “Can-Can” Frye, who always did the can-can when he made a touchdown. But this means taking the family out of the commercial. This pisses off Louise, who wants her name off of the commercial and off of her name, so she will now go by Louise Louise.

“Why do you eat at Bob’s Burgers, Sandy?” “Because your burgers go great with Frye.” That’s a wrap! All of that acting made Sandy hungry, but Bob doesn’t have jalapeno poppers or mozzarella fries, so he leaves hungry yet oddly happy. Right before kickoff, the commercial airs. It’s…adequate. But it totally cuts out the family and Linda’s song, and that pisses them off, so they vow to do the can-can until they die since it’s all they “can-can do from now on” since it’s all Bob wants anyway.

And then it happens. Sandy appears in a commercial for Jimmy Pesto’s pizza, and that’s Bob’s breaking point. Bob storms across the street to settle up with Pesto, and despite ripping the cables out of the giant television, nobody cares about Bob’s wrath. The only thing that can save them is Gene. His “butt water broke,” so it’s time to set his poop free. He uses Jimmy Pesto’s bathroom and flushes his “Superbowl,” but “he’s a fighter, he’s a fighter, we have to move.” The bathroom overflows, the restaurant clears out, and Bob’s Burgers gets three new customers.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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There’s a raccoon soap opera in the trash bin as Linda yammers away on the phone to her friend Ginger who has to take her kid to a slumber party. Louise thinks slumber parties are like diarrhea, but Tina says they are the cats pajamas, especially when she wears her cat pajamas. And she knows, because she has been to one-and-a-half slumber parties (she gives half credit to falling asleep at a regular party).

Linda thinks Louise should have a slumber party and invite the girls in her class, but Louise thinks the girls in her class are boring because the only thing they think about is “Stickers, stickers, stickers, stickers, stickers.” Which, yeah. I still have my sticker collection. And what of it? But Linda thinks Louise needs a BFF. “You gotta slumber through a lotta parties to meet your Ginger.” Gene already has a BFF, his imaginary adult albino friend who also does hip hop.

Linda took matters into her own hands and invited Louise’s class over for a slumber party. Louise tries to escape, but there are just too many of them. First up is a slumber party fashion show which is Louise’s idea of hell. Louise breaks down the guest list for Linda—there’s Harley, as in Harley ever shuts up, Jodi the Germaphobe, Abby who braids everything, and Bland Jessica. “If she was a spice, she’d be flour.”

Next, tie dye! Louise would prefer actual dying. Gene wants a shirt, too, so he can make the psychedelic crop top of his dreams. Louise is left alone with her classmates and it drives her to the brink. “It’s time to turn the slumber party into a going away party.” Next activity is frosting cupcakes. This allows Louise to put her plan into action. First, she tells Jodi that Linda has several varieties of infections, which is enough to send her home. Round Two goes down during the movie portion of the movie. She tells Harley that Gene’s twin lives in the basement, with a hump and a stump. Harley wants to go home, so Bob goes on another run. Abby tags along because Louise won’t let her braid her hair. So that leaves Jessica.

Meanwhile, one of the trash raccoons is under Bob and Linda’s bed. Linda lured him in with cold cuts because the other raccoon, El Diablo, tried to attack him. Something tells me this raccoon is not going to mix well with the children.

By day, Jessica is redheaded wallpaper. By night, she pokes around other peoples’ houses. She left Louise a walkie talkie and is very, very elusive. Louise may have met her match, so she recruits Gene and Tina to help catch Jessica. And then, my DVR cut off the rest of the show, probably because an earlier game of sportsball ran long, so I’m just going to make stuff up.

The raccoon gets out, wacky antics followed. Jessica was just looking for her blankie that got mixed in with the tie dye shirts. Once the mix up was discovered and the blankie returned to its owner, Jessica turned back into redheaded wallpaper, Louise vowed to hold the blankie secret over Jessica’s head forever and ever and ever, and Linda declared the sleepover a great success.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com

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Bob and Linda stay out late for date night, but it was boring and involved breadsticks. Linda’s tired of plopping down at the same place eating soup and salad and breadsticks and fish. She wants some excitement, so she signs up for seaplane flying lessons.

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