Twenty-five years ago, Linda was in a band called the Ta Tas. They lose a talent show. Badly. For the twenty-five year high school reunion, the organizer is “desperate and out of ideas,” and asks Linda to get the band back together. Like three out of five of Linda’s sexy parts after having kids, the band was ruined after playing at that talent show. In the shower, she writes a song called, “I’ve Got Two Out Of Five Sexy Parts” and decides to get the band back together and go to the reunion.Snafu. Aunt Gale won’t be in the band because they never let her sing her own songs, pronounced “sawngz.” Linda lures her there with the promise of Derek DiMatopolis and an agreement to let Aunt Gale sing one of her songs.
The Ta Tas practice in the basement and the customers complain because it is awful. But Linda is determined to turn the band into “a lean, mean, mom jeans machine.”
On the night of the reunion, Tina learns that she is not the babysitter because Linda hired a “long haul sitter” and Bob’s nose grows a giant pimple because high school never goes away. Luckily, Derek DiMatopolis is a dermatologist, and Stacey works in a spa, and Tonya is in pharmaceuticals, and Bob has a crowd at the reunion gathered around his nose. His pimple is a huge hit!
Louise tries to convince the sitter to take them to the reunion, but she’s “really trying to honor your mom’s instructions.” The kids learn that the sitter is very ticklish and plan an attack. The Human Featherduster, which is Tina with feathers taped to her fingers. That does not end as expected when the sitter punches Tina in the face.
The set list starts with “We’re The TaTas,” transitions into “You Were All Wrong About Us,” and finishes with “Oh Boy You All Got So Fat.” But the band that beat out the TaTas at the talent show twenty-five years ago is going on first. That is not what Linda agreed to, and it gives her stage fright resulting in a fleeing of the building.
Tina has a big ol’ black eye, which is not good babysitting. Gene says the sitter is going to have to leave town and work on a shrimp boat, but Louise sees it as an opportunity to have the sitter take them to the reunion. To distract from Tina’s black eye, they give everyone black eyes in a twisted strength in numbers sort of things. The kids run into Linda on the way to the reunion and realize that she’s a runway TaTa. The sitter explains that being bad at what you do doesn’t really matter, it’s about doing it because you love it.
The sitter’s inspirational speech sends Linda back inside and onto the stage. She even apologizes to Gale for being a real boob and lets her sing her song, which includes the lyrics, “Derek DiMatopolis, your neck hair makes me weak, won’t you enter my Acropolis and make my yogurt Greek.” The crowd loves it and I just threw up in my mouth a little.
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