Bob isn’t interested in sea planes and tells Linda to go by herself. Unbeknownst to Bob, the flight instructor is the handsomish Kurt, better known as “Upskirt Kurt” because he beds dissatisfied housewives looking for adventure. Kurt even has a routine—he pretends like they’re going to crash, emergency lands at Quickie Kissit Island, Kurt’s a hero, and the bored housewife is putty in his hands. She cheats death, and cheats on her husband.

She’s flying! Salad and breadsticks! There’s something wrong with the plane! Kurt does quickity quackity duck maneuvers, lands them on the beach, and Linda vomits everywhere.

Kurt takes out a bottle of Prosecco. “Oh, I love champagne!” There’s also a cheese platter because almost dying makes you hungry. “Hey look, a lute! I always wanted to play one of these!” And with that, the seduction is complete.

Kurt’s shirt unbuttons, and Linda wants nothing of it because her endorphins want to go home. “Whoa, Kurt, wrong idea!” “Captain, you are NOT cleared for landing, kapish?” She head butts him so as not to spill her wine. He then fesses up to faking an emergency and she demands to leave immediately. But the plane washed away in the tide because Kurt is an idiot.

Kurt refuses to apologize for giving women what they want, but Linda reminds him that women don’t want to be tricked into having sex. Linda spells out “HELP” with Kurt’s empty Prosecco bottles while Kurt has an emotional breakdown. But it was just another ploy for a quickie kiss so Linda clocks him in the throat.

Because Bob is totally worried, he takes the kids to meet Linda at the docks. An old man with a cap’n hat notes, “this is awkward.”On a ferry headed for Quickie Kissit Island, Tina wonders if there really could be a whole island just for kissing, because that would be amazing. And Louise wonders if Bob is going to punch Kurt in the face. A mailman at the ferry stop can take them as close as the next island. When they get close enough to Quickie Kissit Island, Louise shouts, “Don’t get pregnant, I want to be the baby!”

Bob and the kids reach the island in a rowboat and the kids notice how tan Kurt is. And strong. And Bob is really tired from the rowing. Luckily a one-eyed doctor who knows Bob and Linda from the diner happened by on his speedboat, towing the seaplane behind, and gives everyone a ride home in the seaplane. It gets a little bumpy, and flyee, and there’s a bridge coming up, and Bob checks a tool box for something to cut the rope but all he finds is massage oil and a wine opener. So he climbs out onto the pontoon and cuts the rope with the wine opener.

Linda flies the seaplane over the bridge, but she never learned how to land. So she does the pretend crashing thing that Kurt did and brings the seaplane down fairly smoothly and almost at the pier. Tina declares it the best date ever, and Louise wonders why they bother driving anywhere, which is a valid observation.

Reprinted from SurvivingCollege.com