Barney, Robin, and Lily are planning Ted’s conquest because Friday night drinks before a weekend wedding is when the lucky lady must be selected, just like Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail. Ted’s top three prospects are Robin’s college roommate who sounds like a car alarm from the 90s during sex, Cassie, whose career as a gymnast was cut short when her boobs got too big, and Grace who gets around at the office often and with gusto. Ted picks Cassie, because gymnast plus boobs equals duh.
Marshall and Daphne are still headed across country in a vehicle with a small child in the backseat. There’s something about Marshall getting a judicial appointment. Being a judge is his dream job, which means they can’t move to Rome. And he took the job without even talking to Lily, which earns a “what the damn hell?” from Daphne.
Cassie suggests starting the night with meaningless sex and flirting later, but her boss calls and fires her and Ted becomes a shoulder to cry on instead of a…well, forget it. To make matters worse, her boyfriend just broke up with her so she isn’t just a drag but a complete drag.
Lily tells Barney and Robin’s priest that he met Marshall in college when she needed help hooking up her stereo and just knew that she should knock on this one door, destiny, they’ve been together ever since, and whoops. Barney and Robin borrowed Marshall and Lily’s story to get in good with the priest so that he would agree to marry them.
Barney and Robin try to convince the priest that Lily is the liar, and maybe a drug addict slash drunk. But it doesn’t work and the priest won’t marry them unless they stop breaking the ninth commandment, which Barney thinks might be “no fat chicks.” The priest refuses to marry them, so Barney and Robin shock him to death with their stories of sexcapades. So they have two choices—find a new priest, or Wedding At Bernie’s.
Next week, wedding-appropriate ghosts and ghouls.
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