This week, the “stars” dance “passionate Latin routines” before learning who has to exit stage left. First up is a sexy samba from Elizabeth and Val. Her practice on the pole serves her well with the samba, though she can’t quite do a full split. For some reason Steven Tyler is watching, probably because he’s a huge Showgirls fan. Old man was so close and something about a tiny little thing, the squirrelly guy is impressed, and the nice lady chair dances her approval for a score of 25.
Christine and Mark dance an accelerated passé nouveau that is kind of choppy and unattractive. It’s a choreography fail, if you ask me. The little guy talks too fast to understand, the pretty woman calls it insane but I think she means that in a good way, and the old man seems a bit confused even for an old man, for a score of 25 which, what?
Bill E. and Emma dance the jive and it looks like a silly copout. I mean his feet are moving, but that’s not necessarily a good thing. The hot chick calls it entertaining but thinks the footwork was “funky,” the old guy enjoyed the show, and the weird little man says something about performance, for a score of 21 points.
Jack and Cheryl dance the rumba, the dance of love, and they completely wear out the smoke machine in the process. Also, this is the worst version of Mad World I’ve ever heard and Jack looks ridiculous in that flowing silk shirt. But, he did a fine job with the dancing partner swinging around moves. The old man tells Jack that he does some weird things with his hands on occasion (which is too much information), the creepy little man calls his progress unbelievable, and the pretty lady calls him otherworldly, for a score of 24 points.
Keyshawn and Sharna perform a samba that’s more funk than anything else. His moves are stiff and self-conscious, but he fully commits to the dance and doesn’t drop his partner. The strange little man…I don’t even know what he’s saying but he makes Keyshawn cry, the hot chick thinks it was rough around the edges, and the old man admires his effort, for a score of 18 points.
Snooki and Sasha dance a romantical rumba in ridiculous costumes. Is anyone else surprised that she hasn’t fallen on her ass yet? Isn’t that’s her patented move? Competent, upright, dare I say graceful Snooki is sort of freaking me out. The pretty lady didn’t feel the story, the old man thinks it was pretty and neat, this Bruno guy doesn’t buy her character, for a score of 20 points.
Leah and Tony dance the samba, and she’s got a whole J-Lo-meets-Charo thing happening. There’s some fast and fancy footwork going on, and the crowd is about as wild as a studio audience ever gets. The old man calls it terrific with lovely hands and hips and “samba stuff,” the weird guy talks about flair and fun, and the sexy lady thinks Leah unleashed her samba goddess, for a total of 24 points.
Bill Nye and Tyne dance the passé nouveau, and yet again they start out in silly costumes. Bill doesn’t do much in the way of dancing as Tyne tries to make up for his lack of…everything. Ugh. That was awful. The strange little man thinks Bill stepped it up, the hot chick found it to be a bizarre masterpiece of insanity, and the old man has nothing good to say about his dancing, for a total of 17 points.
Corbin and Karina dance a fast-paced…something-or-other in weird jock and cheerleader outfits because he’s in High School Musical. It’s totally cheesy, but good dancing nonetheless. The judges are blown away, for a whopping score of 26 points.
Valerie and Tristan dance the passé nouveau, and she looks elegant and powerful in her flamencoey dress. And she’s got a few moves. They’re awkward and inelegant, but they are certainly moves. The old man enjoys her commitment but thinks she was uncomfortable and nervous, Bruno says things I can’t understand, and the pretty lady thinks Valerie forgot some of her routine, for a score of 19 points.
Brant and Peta dance a sexy rumba that includes a bit of disrobing and a smidgeon of lingerie. Oh, were they dancing? I didn’t notice. The weird guy and the pretty lady are distracted by the hotness of the couple, but the old man points out that Brant can’t dance, for a total of 23 points.
Amber and Derek dance the jive, and there’s waaaay too much energy on that stage! The hot chick criticizes something about feet, the old man wants her to work on her footwork, and Bruno thought it was more Lindy Hop than jive, for a total of 24 points.
Okay, so I guess it’s time to vote a couple off of the island? I don’t really know how this works, but Corbin and Korina, Leah and Tony, Bill Nye and Tyne, and Christine and Mark, and Amber and Derek are all safe and will be forced to dance again next week. Something about scores bringing people back means Valerie and Tristan will also dance again. So will Snooki and Sasha, this is stupid, right? How about I just tell you who gets eliminated? Keyshawn and Sharna are eliminated because a Venn diagram of football fans and Dancing With The Stars fans has zero overlap.
Reprinted with permission from www.bitesizewellness.com