Survivor, Ep. 5: We Found Our Zombies


Having voted out the only tribe member who can get stuff off of the top shelf on last week’s Survivor, the Cilantro tribe is split, and angry. And Lindsey lets Trisha know exactly how she feels. “Everything about you is annoying, your laugh, your teeth, your face….I think you’re annoying, I think you’re terrible, I think you’re the most horrific person I’ve ever met….” And that’s just the first thirty seconds.

With Lindsey in tears, Jeff shows up on the beach. It’s always weird when Jeff crosses that barrier, and it always means it’s serious. Lindsey decides to quit the game, and she does it without even telling her tribe mates.

Cilantro walks into the Reward Challenge and the Parma tribe goes bonkers. This is like Christmas and Festivus all at once. The challenge is simple—knock a thing off of another thing held by an opposing member. The winning tribe gets to send players to the other camp for a raid. One point for Parma, one point for Cilantro, two littlish girls are swatting at each other for one more point for Parma, two big dudes who look strikingly similar means one point for Cilantro, Morgan goes up against Tony and Cilantro takes the lead. It all comes down to Spencer versus Woo, and Woo wins it for Cilantro even without the help of the really tall man who could’ve totally killed at this game. He’s my new favorite player, even though he probably has zero chance of winning.

Cilantro decides to send Woo and Tony over to Parma for their raid, and they decide to take the fishing gear, spices, blankets….That’s quite a haul! They also get a clue to the Hidden Immunity Idol back at their own camp…and they decide to give it to Jeremiah in order to put a target on his back. But he’s not as dumb as he looks and knows that it’s for the wrong beach.

Back at the Parma beach, there’s the Jeremiah problem. Alexis tries to work her magic on Spencer by talking about how mean and stupidface Jeremiah is, and he’s also a dum-dum. When Jeremiah tells Spencer and Alexis about the repeat clue, they don’t buy it.


Come on in guys! The Immunity Challenge is a teetering staircase, a bamboo maze, the most uncomfortable looking slide in the world, a knotted rope, a rope maze, puzzle pieces, and a flag. Cilantro totally sucks at building their staircase and that gives Parma a small lead. They’re neck-in-neck into the rope maze and Tony costs Cilantro a lot of time by not being able to work a lock. Cilantro makes up the time on the puzzle and wins immunity. Huh. I guess getting rid of two players was exactly what they needed.

The Parma tribe is debating between Jeremiah and Alexis, with the brains running the entire operation. As Kass puts it, “We just needed people to boss around…we found our zombies, and now we’re in.” Don’t get cocky, Kass. That never goes over so big at Tribal. It’s okay though, the ding dongs start yammering and it’s clear that one of these yahoos needs to go home. Sarah’s just happy that she’s not on the hot seat, and to add a little fuel to the fire suggests that Alexis and Jeremiah are going to flip to the other size once the tribes merge.

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