Barbet is meeting with Jennifer who is a professional shussher. You might remember her from her small screen debut, Shushing Amy. To make things even more awkward, Gregg and Tayler arrive so that both teams can shop against each other, in a cage match, to the death. Jennifer is looking for a “fun, great look” for a Hamptons party. And don’t forget—Jennifer does not tailor clothes, no black, absolutely no accessories, nothing other people having the same outfit, and she never pays retail. Might I suggest a slightly used birthday suit?
Jennifer shows off her dress collection and it’s all cut down to her knees which makes Barbet a little squeamish. Whatever, Barbet. Just go home to New Jersey. Gregg and Tayler have this one in the bag. The dynamic duo meet the great and good Vivienne Tam at her boutique and I’m more than a little bit jealous. My very first little black dress was a Vivienne Tam and I wore it until it no longer fit, which, sigh. It happens to the best of us.
Barbet is not paying attention to her client at all and insists on getting a plain dress and then snazzing it up with accessories. After that clear misstep, she is off to a sample sale for moderately priced frumpwear.
Derek is in the suburbs to meet Gianna Palminteri who is the wife of an actor nobody has ever heard of. Gianna is shaped like a potato and has a builder’s grade house accessorized by Pier 1 Imports. Her closet overflows with sparkle and sequins and dingle dangles, so Derek goes shopping for her in Westchester. The dresses are so My Son’s Bar Mitzvah that I can’t even take this seriously. Derek’s day ends in a consignment shop in New Rochelle, which is about the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
Ooh! A trip to Jeffery! Gregg and Tayler meet up with Jennifer to make sure that they are headed in the right direction. She refuses to try anything on because she is currently taped into her dress. Erm, is that something people really do? Tape themselves into a dress?
Barbet does a check-in with Jennifer and immediately violates the No Accessories Rule. Everything is all sorts of wrong, so Jennifer checks out and checks her phone. After the meeting, Barbet regroups and shops for looks that she has already seen in Jennifer’s closet. Then, like magic, Gregg and Tayler appear, and Barbet calls them Kurt and Courtney Cobain to their pretty faces which they do not appreciate.
Derek arrives at Gianna’s house where he cuts all of the sizing tags out of the dresses because she still thinks that she is in the single digits. Gianna tries on a sequined dress that shows way too much of her red carpet if you know what I mean. So Derek puts her in some slightly, and I do mean ever so slightly, classier clothes in the hopes that she stops with the sparkles. She buys it all, so Derek is a happy camper and Gianna possibly no longer looks like a hooker’s tired aunt.
Gregg and Tayler pull over on the side of a road to change into their Hamptons outfits for the big presentation because they are pros. Barbet is already at Jennifer’s house setting up her gear. Jennifer packs them all into the smallest room in the house to review the dresses. She agrees to try on a few of Gregg and Tayler’s dresses, so that’s a good start. Jennifer nixes some of Barbet’s pieces due to nipples and Brazilians and then starts trying on outfits. The first dress makes Jennifer look like a cadaver, the next one is too short and “unsophisticated,” the third is gorgeous and cute and fun and I want that dress. Of course, Jennifer hates it. Oddly enough, Barbet likes it even though it’s not her pick. There’s a black jumpsuit and I think poor Gregg had to hold down his lunch when Jennifer flashed him her sad little boobie. Jennifer isn’t taking anything, so Jennifer can shove it.
Then, Gregg and Tayler give it one more shot and meet Jennifer in New York for another round of abuse. She is willing to try on a Missoni halter dress which looks fantastic on her, and she loves it and buys it and Gregg and Tayler earn a commission that won’t buy anything good from anywhere.