Reprinted with permission from www.survivingcollege.com

Adam? I thought we were rid of him. But I suppose there’s never any getting rid of someone like Adam. He’s like a MySpace page, or herpes. And he just drank what I’m pretty sure is his own urine.  Well, at least Hannah doesn’t take his call. Ah ha, she’s got a tad of OCD, lining up potato chips before stuffing them in her maw and counting the bites.

Shoshanna is rambling on about Jessa to Marnie and Ray while walking through Central Park. Marnie understands that this is what Jessa does—she shows up, fucks things up, and then leaves. Totally out of the blue, Shoshanna lets Marnie know that Charlie has an app that he sold for a lot of money because good friends always say things that they know will upset the other person. Then in rolls Shoshanna’s old friend Radhika (literally, because she’s on vintage rollerblades), and I guess this is supposed to fill the Girls seasonal quota of minorities in non-recurring walk-on rolls. Radhika invites Shoshanna and Ray to a party, but Radhika is in college and Ray is a grown up so he’s not going.

Adam attends an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. He explains that Hannah just kept hanging around and eventually it felt better when she was there. But, she changed her mind about Adam and now he’s exhausted, and he’ll bring cookies to the next meeting. There’s an actress whose name I can’t remember at the AA meeting, and she tries to set him up with her daughter, Natalia, because he’s cuter than “a dimple on a bug’s ass.”

Marnie goes to Charlie’s new office and looks very out of place. She tries to play it all casual like she was just in the neighborhood, but he’s suspicious. Also, how come the women on this show never carry handbags? Where do they keep their keys? And phones? And…stuff? Charlie created an app that prevents users from calling people they don’t want to, and if they want to call, they have to pay the company for the privilege. He finally blurts out “Do you need money? Is that why you’re here?” Wow. You know your life is a mess when you’re that friend.

Adam calls Natalia to set up a date and is blown away because she has a landline. But the weirdo sets up like a real dinner date, which is never a good idea for a blind date. Except this time it is, because she’s beautiful. And he’s totally killing the date, in a very non-Adam way.

Hannah’s parents are waiting for her outside of The Carlyle. She’s late because she was working on her book and arrives all twitchy. They “can tell that she’s counting. If you’re getting county, we need to know.” Hannah runs off to the restroom, looks at the mirror, and says “You’re fine, you’re fine, you’re fine, you’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna be fine, you’re gonna be fine,” like a million times (although I’m guessing Hannah can tell you exactly how many times she says it).

Shoshanna goes to Radhika’s party by herself, and of course it’s a college party in a fancy doorman building because that’s where college kids live in Lena Dunham’s world. After babbling on and on and on, she leaves. But on the way out, she has sex with the sexy doorman in the mailroom.

Ray tells Marnie that she is mad at Charlie because she wants what he has, and she should stop bitching about it and start doing what makes her happy. Turns out that thing is singing. Ray explains that the clay is drying so if she wants to sing, she has to sing now. Marnie takes his advice way too literally and bursts into song because she really is that stupid.

Hannah’s parents take her to a child psychologist. Hannah explains to the doctor that this hasn’t happened since high school, but when it happens she does things in cycles of eight, including masturbating. She’s annoyed because he tells her that her OCD is a “classic case” and she wants to be special. Later, we see her on the subway carrying a bag from the pharmacy (but not a handbag, because these girls are like kangaroos), looking a complete mess. I’m guessing that book isn’t getting written anytime soon.