The second episode of Top Chef started out something like this:
Padma: I know you’re all tired from the elimination challenge that ended about four minutes ago and still reeling from seeing me, the Great Goddess Padma, in person, but we’re in New Orleans and I’ve got the munchies, so go make me some gumbo. Now!
Chef #8: Uh, what’s a gumbo?
Chef #4: I think it’s like Asian fusion, but with crawfish.
Chef #6: It’s easy, you just chop up a bunch of meat and toss it in a slow cooker. [Yawns] I’ll see you guys tomorrow.
Chef #11: Well I’m, like, from New Orleans, so whatever I cook is automatically a gumbo.
Chef #4: Exactly. Asian fusion, man! Asian fusion!
The exhausted chefs went back to their house to cook Padma her gumbo. Magically, their kitchen was equipped with all of the ingredients their little hearts desired and about a dozen or so slow cookers. Chopping, stirring, simmering, and the chefs were ready to serve their gumbo or, more accurately, “gumbo” to their famished queen and her guest, local chef and legend Leah Chase.
Here’s a list of things that are not gumbo that chefs tried to pass off as gumbo:
- Drunken chicken
- Braised pork belly
- Australian curry
- Hot and sour prawns
- Pork rib with okra
- Puerto Rican mofongo with sofrita
- New England and Miami fried clam chowder
- Iownan Trinidadian corn crumble
- Chipole something
- Polish stewed cabbage and dried beets
- Plantain and yuca
- Moroccan lamb shank
- Crab and silken tofu
For some strange reason, Leah really enjoyed Carrie’s corn crumble, so that is the winning gumbo.
Unfortunately for the chefs, Padma is still hungry and commands them to cook in food trucks for herself and the volunteers from Habitat For Humanity who are still working hard to rebuild New Orleans. There are lots of fish ideas being tossed around which, I don’t know. They call it “street meat” for a reason. The Yellow Team is making a taco truck, the Green Team is slicing up watermelon, the Red Team has a south Florida/Southern United States thing going, and the Blue Team has a beach theme with grilled fish.
Tom, Gail, Padma, and some woman in a striped shirt show up for some lunch. They start with the Yellow Team’s beef and pork empanadas and ceviche and them move on to tilapia tacos. The empanadas are a huge hit, and the cold ceviche was refreshing. It’s time for the Blue Team who serves up a salmon roll, grilled shrimp with melon, coconut ceviche and a tun a slider. The cold ceviche was ruined by hot plantains, the slider was under-seasoned, and the salmon roll was premade and soggy.
The Red Team has a green gazpacho with pickled shrimp, lobster and crab fritters, jerk chicken sandwiches, and ricotta with burnt honey and stone fruit. The judges are saying words like “love” and “delicious.” Lastly, the Green Team with their ahi tuna burger, crispy chickpea salad, tuna burger, spicy grilled lamb salad, and an amuse bouche of chilled watermelon. Padma licked her fingers after eating the lamb dish, which I think means whomever made it is her new pet.
The judges give the win to the Yellow Team, with the big prize going to Carrie’s efforts in making the empanada. And the losing team is the Blue Team with their surfside lunch truck. The coconut ceviche wasn’t cold enough and Jason’s salmon hand roll was rolled ahead of time so that he could be a handsome host. Then there’s something about the tomato on Patti’s tuna slider, and Nicholas’s garnish was all wrong.
Since you can’t send someone home for garnish or tomatoes, it’s between Brett and Jason. Because not making a dish to order is unforgivable on Top Chef, Jason packs his knives and leaves with an eyeroll. “I’m not the worst, I know that for a fact.” Keep reaching for the stars, Jason.
Next week, an elimination Quickfire and some chefs get underminey.
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