Survivor, Episode 7: Swoop in for the Kill

Survivor Episode 7 CBS Swoop In For The Kill

So remember how last week on Survivor, Kat was worried that Hayden wouldn’t love her anymore because boys don’t like girls who don’t make it to the merge? Well, that escalated to a full-on emotional breakdown.  She practically threw herself at her man’s feet wailing, “Don’t leave me, Hayden! Please don’t leave me! I can’t spell and I’m no good at puzzles, but I’m a good person! I mean not really a good person, but I’m young and mildly attractive, so don’t leave me!”

It was all sorts of pathetic, and you could tell that she really, really, really wanted Hayden to take her spot at Redemption Island (and really, really, really wanted him to offer without her first asking), and he maybe would have switched? But not really? I don’t speak stupid, so it is difficult for me to decipher any conversation that begins or ends in, “babe.” Anyway, Hayden stayed put, and Kat crapped out on a puzzle (big shocker there), so Kat was eliminated from the game.

Back at camp there was lots of talk on the Team Of Ladybits about Vytas and Aras and what a big threat the dynamic duo will be once the tribes merge (remember that season where the tribes didn’t merge and a tribe whittled itself down to one lonely player on a beach? They should do that again). The women made a pact to vote Vytas out when they lost the immunity challenge. Yes, “when.” They barely even entertained the thought of winning since the tribes are so physically unevenly matched.

The women’s prophesy came true during one of those everybody-is-tied-together-and-must-gather-puzzle-pieces obstacle courses. Naturally, there was a massive food reward (fried chicken…mmmm….) to accompany immunity because these people haven’t eaten in at least three hours. Blah blah blah, it’s a close race, balls on chains get flung onto metal racks, and Tyson wins immunity and a fried chicken feast for his tribe of dudes. The funny thing is, Tyson isn’t even hungry for fried chicken and mac and cheese because he’s been eating fifteen coconuts a day and somehow convinced his tribe that blazing through their stash of rice is a winning strategy. I’ve never seen a Survivor contestant push a plate of food away, but there you have it.

Survivor CBS Episode 7 Swoop In For The Kill

Since the lady tribe already planned to vote out Vytas when if they lost the challenge, there really should not have be anything to discuss back at camp. But that doesn’t mean you have to tell him about it, Laura! She just blurts out, “it’s you, Vytas. We all decided to write your name down and we’re really sorry but that’s the way it has to be blah blah blah who wants more rice?” Totally awkward! Shut up Mrs. Rupert, shut up!!! The other women toss eye daggers at Laura and that ain’t good because it becomes the talk of the beach. Survivor Lesson #1: Learn how to make fire before you get to the island. Lesson #2: Never make a move without first consulting your alliance, preferably under the guise of gathering firewood and/or water.

At tribal counsel, it quickly dawned on Laura that her bold statements were a big oopsie. There’s lots of chatter about Vytas and Laura and trust and in a blindside switcheroo, the tribe keeps Vytas and votes out Laura. That sound you heard was Rupert smashing his television. And, according to Kat, it is also grounds for divorce.

Next week, the winner of the duel will get back in the game and the tribes finally merge.

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