Derek is also in the Hamptons to meet a new client, Andrea. She teaches older women how to be fabulous forever. She wears her dresses inappropriately tight and sports a bikini that shows off her surgery scars. Andrea has been sucked and filled and stretched beyond recognition. Anyway, she also needs an outfit for a sickness charity because it’s really important to spend a lot of money on clothes to attend a fundraiser.
Oh look! Amy is also in the Hamptons. No, wait. Her client AndreaOfElegantAffairs is on Long Island, but this is definitely not the Hamptons. This is, like, maybe Melville. She’s a caterer for Hamptons parties. So…she’s the help. Aww, Andrea is still single. I wonder why. She has a rack set up of things that were purchased at TJ Maxx, including several Ralph Lauren rayon sheath dresses. What she wants is a signature look, which is a weird way to approach shopping.
Barbet shops for Devorah’s outfit and includes a black leather jumpsuit and some hideous Nicole Ritchie accessories. I look forward to this failing spectacularly. Ha, Devorah is a veganish-type so leather is out. Good luck with the shoes, Barbet. Ahahaha, Barbet is shopping in Rye, New York! It’s where all of the trendsetters shop nowadays.
Derek goes to Scoop to shop for Andrea’s charity event. I don’t understand. Can’t Andrea just go to Scoop on her own? Herve! Drink! No wait, it’s Herve Leroux, does that count? He meets Andrea for coffee to show her some of his picks. She is not blown away. She wants hot pink. Just give her hot pink.
Amy arrives at Andrea’s house on the obviously south shore of Long Island to put on a fashion show for Andrea’s friends. Herve Leger! Drink! Amy gets Andrea into some form-fitting outfits that are showing a few too many curves. Then, a killer red dress that does all the right things. Andrea buys a green dress and a red dress because she has the holiday spirit.
Devorah introduces Barbet to her gay husband who is on her payroll. Barbet dresses her up in a royal blue prom dress that is a klunker. The gay husband says, “Helen Keller could have picked a better gown.” How long do you think he spent writing that line? The next dress is too costumey. The third is a win, with a skin-tight silver metallic and a cutout back.
Derek brought “some special things for a special lady.” Everything is about twenty years too young for his client’s shriveled, leathery body. Oh gawd. Her boobs are flapping around in a hot pink skin-tight dress, and her back is trying to escape out the straps. It’s going to take a lot of booze to unsee what I have seen.
Next week, my new besties Tayler and Gregg are back.
Reprinted from HauteTalk.com