And we’re back with another episode of Million Dollar Shoppers. Hi Tayler! Hi Gregg! I see you’re off to Trump Building to meet a new client, Barbara, from Eastern Europe. Barbara needs a special dress for a Young New Yorkers of the Philharmonic event (young? Barbara, honey, no), and it better be good or else she will be very mad and there will be consequences. Hooker heels, bright and bold, chunky jewelry, and do not talk about budget. There is budget, but it is none of your business. You give me options, I give you agita, yikes. Easy peasy nice and breezy Tayler and Gregg are going to get eaten alive by this woman.
The word of the day is “Herve Leger.” Yeah, I know it’s two words. Every time someone says “Herve Leger,” the Lifetime Network For Ladies gets its period and the viewing audience has to take a drink.
Liz Boobies lives in a giant suburban McMansion clad in beige, brown, and shades of neutral. She brings Amy to her closet dungeon and tells her that she needs clothes that are klassy, professional, and respectfully sexy. Despite having closets filled with insanely expensive pieces including several Herve Leger dresses drink!, all Liz ever wears are yoga pants. If you ask me, this lady doesn’t need help shopping for outfits as much as she needs help coordinating outfits.
Derek’s new client, Liza, lives in a giant house in the suburbs of somewhere. She has a best friend, Andi, who wants Liza to break out of her denim comfort zone. Liza has an entire closet just for her jeans, and another closet for her ten-year-old blouses, and another closet for her Herve Leger bandage dresses. Drink! She needs three new looks—day, night, and cocktails. I’m not sure why cocktails aren’t something that happen during the day and night, but whatever.
Instead of bringing Liza new looks, Derek brings her garbage bags because she’s not going to be ready for new clothes until she gets rid of the old. But she won’t part with anything…until he finds a closet filled with brown sweaters. Nobody needs brown sweaters. Maybe one chocolate brown cashmere, and another in khaki. But otherwise, blech. You’ll look like a middle school principal.
Derek finally brings Liz some outfits and ooh, are those copper sequined pants? But…a sexy tunic that is nothing of the sort, a Where’s Waldo? jacket, and a few other confusing, shapeless pieces including a bizarre flutter sleeved Gucci tragedy and a tuxedo that needs miles of tailoring. I guess she bought something and everyone was happy, but I just do not understand Derek’s aesthetic.
Liz eventually accepts the purge and looks forward to a new start so she invites some decidedly unsophisticated friends to review Amy’s selections. Amy calls the friends The Circus which is both funny and rude. They’re not feeling a patterned skirt, the look isn’t skimpy enough, where are the stripper heels, blah blah blah. I’ve never seen someone make a Chanel jacket look trashy, but there you have it. The Circus approves of a tan leather jacket and white dress, and Liz also buys a little black dress.
Barbara wants to do a Great Gatsby 1920s thing for the Young Person Plus Their Cool Older Aunts event, so Gregg and Tayler go shopping for flapper gear. Gregg loves a fringe, and oh my gawd, that ostrich feather fan is amazing! Please let Gregg walk around the city waving his feathers around.
After picking up a little bling, Gregg and Tayler meet Barbara for a mental check-in and show her a few vintage pieces, including a flapper flapper shimmy shimmy dress. Barbara does not like. Too brown, too long, too fringy. She also nixes vintage Ungaro because it’s too big. Oh, and surprise! The theme for the party is Some Like It Hot, which is totally different than The Great Gatsby. With only two days left, “that is batshit crazy.” Then she has the nerve to tell Gregg to take his high heels off and put on some sneakers so that he can run run run. Gregg should’ve taken his high heels off and landed them in her cranium.
Tayler and Gregg find a few pieces and schlep them all the way to Trump Park ’N Ride for a fashion show in front of Barbara’s friends. “I don’t like the color, I don’t like the shape, I don’t like it.” No, no, no. She agrees to try on three gowns. The peanut gallery calls the first look hideous. The second one isn’t amazing enough for the girls. The third, a vintage Carolina Herrera, is perfect. Goldilocks gets her gown! Good work, Gregg and Tayler. Now take your commission and go buy Gregg his ostrich feather fan.
Next week on Million Dollar Shoppers, Barbet must deal with the dreaded gay husband.
Reprinted from HauteTalk.com
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