Marshall and Daphne are still driving through the Midwest. Something about the Minnesota Vikings, and Lily keeps Daphne amused on the phone with random ramblings about the wedding, including a magical dress that made all of her bodily parts look better than the sum of their whole.

Ted scribbled down a speech that is really a “Things I Want To Do Before I Leave New York.” Which is ridiculous, because why would anyone want to leave New York? His list includes fixing graffiti typos, buying an entire (almost empty) bar a round of drinks, and saying goodbye to the Empire State Building (which does not make him an objectophelliac). He also unleashes fury on his upstairs neighbor and comes clean about destroying Lily’s magical dress in a Princess Bride-style fencing match with Marshall.

Lily does not take it well and forces Ted to wear an old timey swimming outfit, and to punish Marshall for his participation in the shenanigans, she asks Daphne to take a photo of Marshall wearing a cheese head. The last thing on the list is “scotch with Barney,” which should be so simple. Except it’s a $600 bottle of scotch. Or, rather, itwas a $600 bottle of scotch, until Lily and Robin started fencing Princess Bride-style and broke the expensive bottle, replacing the label and mixing a concoction of cheap whiskey with ketchup, chocolate syrup, and hand sanitizer for color which they passed off as the real thing.

Barney and Robin lock themselves out of their room while trying to find someplace interesting to have sex. Unfortunately the lobby is littered with old people, so James takes a hit and enters the pit of despair, answering all of the old peoples’ questions about gay.

Robin finds Ted’s list and Lily pretends like it’s her list so that Robin won’t know about Ted’s whole moving out of New York thing. Robin and Barney are eventually overwhelmed by the swarm of relatives, and Lily and Ted have a real discussion about saying goodbye to the bad things. This is followed by a series of clips from episodes I’ve never seen, and did Ted used to date Robin? Because that could be awkward. And then Barney’s all, “I saw you and Robin at the carousel,” so yeah. I guess it is a little awkward.

Photos: cbs.com

Reprinted from survivingcollege.com