Reprinted with permission from www.survivingcollege.com

Hannah is working with Ray at Grumpy’s (and wearing her umpteenth unflattering shorts jumper) and comes up with a new word: Sexit. It’s when you leaving a party or another public event to have sex, and you exit in a sexy way. Unfortunately, Urban Dictionary defines “Sexit” as “making a hasty exit whilst in the act of intercourse.” Sorry, Hannah. You gotta be quick with these things.

A hot man shows up to complain that the café is dumping its trash in his garbage cans. Rather than apologize and promise to get to the bottom of this very serious matter, Ray flips out. The hot man storms off, and Hannah leaves as well because it is a “toxic work environment.” This? Toxic? Clearly Hannah has never worked in a law firm. Oh wait, right.

Hannah visits the hot man at his double-wide Brownstone. (That’s like a double-wide trailer, only at the opposite end of the socio-economic spectrum.) For some reason he invites her inside, and yeah. This is some major real estate porn. The square footage is significant, there’s the obligatory professional chef’s kitchen complete with a Viking stove and knives that cost more than most peoples’ rent, a fireplace with a perfectly restored mantel, a backyard paradise that requires not just a gardener but a landscaper, and, of course, exposed brick. Sigh.

Hannah confesses that she is the one who has been putting the café’s trash in his garbage can because she lost her dumpster key. And then she randomly kisses him? Who does that? But it worked, because the hot man lifts her up onto the counter and fumbles around trying to figure out what the hell a shorts jumper is and how to get it off of her. He’s forty-two, his name is Joshua, and there we have it—Hannah’s boobs because it wouldn’t be an episode of Girls without them

During their post-coital get-to-know-you session, Joshua explains that he is “recently separated.” Oh, and he’s a doctor. And he grills her a steak. With grilled corn, and red wine. Later, Hannah tries to make a graceful “sexit” but Joshua asks her to stay and calls her beautiful and all of those things a woman wants to hear.

More nude Hannah, and finally she puts on one of Joshua’s sweaters. They curl up on the sofa reading the newspaper, looking like a proper couple for these elegant surroundings, and what the hell? Topless ping pong? Sex on the ping pong table? Do all Brooklyn brownstones have ping pong tables? Oh I get it—they’re hipsterbrownstones, because they’re in Brooklyn.

It’s hard to get a handle on how long Hannah has been in this house. Long enough to know how to fiddle with the settings in the spectacular walk-in steam shower (which she faints in, because it was too steamy). Her stay culminates in an emotional breakdown, or breakthrough. You see, Hannah promised to take in all of theseexperiences and tell people about them in writing and oh how tiring that is! How very tiring to take in those experiences for others! She just wants to be happy, and have all of the regular things people want in life, but she can’t because she has to feel it all. Then she unloads a whole mess of weirdness from her past, and you can see it on Joshua’s face—this damaged twenty-four-year-old is not exactly what he is looking for in a woman. His free spirit suddenly has to get up early for work, and Hannah takes it personally because it’s always about her. She feels duped. Joshua practically begged her to tell him all of her feelings, but she never considered that he might not like what he heard.

Joshua is gone when Hannah wakes up, and she is left to hang around a house she doesn’t belong in, alone. It’s the same life, just with better furniture, and the ghost of another woman. She changes out of his cashmere sweater and back into her shorts jumper, takes out the garbage, and walks home.