Breaking Amish: Like Breaking Bad, Only With Much Less Meth

Have you seen Breaking Amish? It’s on TLC, which is short for The Loony Corral. Five young Amish people are plunked down in the middle of Manhattan and must learn how to sort of fend for themselves. I say “sort of” because it appears that they have been given hotel rooms (one for the boys and one for the girls so that no naughty bits cross paths) and some spending money.

The thing is, these Amish kids don’t seem to be very godly. One of the men comes across as a major horndog, on the hunt for slutty girls who show their bare ankles for his own personal rumspringa, and one of the women wants to be a model and already has a DWI. Take a moment to wrap your brain around the idea of an Amish woman with a DWI. I’ll wait.

They’re also not very nice. In fact, aside from the funky bonnets and (non-ironic) suspenders, these 20-somethings aren’t much different than your standard issue catty, narcissistic, reality show contestant. Contestant? Subject? Tribute? What do we call people who ask cameras to follow their every move in exchange for sweet, sweet television cash? Whores? Yes, whores. They are no different than your average reality television whores. Plus, there are accusations all over the Internet that the show is more scripted and contrived than a Rock of Love reunion show.

So watch cautiously. Or better yet, do yourselves a favor and don’t watch at all.

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