666: Fasten Your Seatbelts

Wanna go for a drive? 

Back with my belated recap of 666 Park Avenue. In the words of Scarlett O’Hara ‘God as mah witness, I will try to be better about my re-capping!’ Or something like that. Lets have some demi-sec sparkling riesling and embrace the dark side, shall we?

I am trying to embrace characters’ real names. Am I becoming attached to the show? Ugh. Its entirely possible. Anyway, up first we find Blondie (Jane) trapped in the basement. Remember how, all during the last episode, I kept telling her NOT to open the door? She didn’t listen and now she’s got problems. Spooky, creepy, pre-adolescent problems. Nerdy (Henry) is here to save her.

Silly girl. Stop. Opening. Doors.

Feral little girl in the basement? Nice touch! But I thought the dolls were even creepier. Dolls are just creepy. Like clowns.

Next we find the Writer in the laundry with a new character – Annie . Apparently she’s on the obituary beat at some NY paper. Writing classifieds for the dead isn’t enough for her though. Cue Gavin The Devil. A little advice; don’t say you’ll do ‘anything’ to fix your career to The Devil. Now I’ll just call her Obituary Annie.

She thinks that if you write obituaries, making them up and totally embellishing people’s lives is an acceptable practice. That won’t get you fired at all. Really. At least not in this version of New York Journalism 101.

Bitch Photographer and The Writer are back to bed, apparently more successful than the first episode until Single White Female Assistant barges in! That wouldn’t get a person fired either, would it?

Back to Jane and Henry, in their improbably great apartment, blah, blah, blah, reviewing building blueprints. She is serious about her renovations! This is going to get expensive for Gavin. So we’re off to see The Devil for permission to remodel. Turns out it is the anniversary of his daughter’s death and…we’re back to discussing renovations and blueprints. He is strangely reticent to share the blueprints, and then suddenly he isn’t. I think I have whiplash.

Let’s go visit Vanessa, shall we? I need some scheming. Oh wait, she’s really called Olivia here. Trying to get the names straight. Kind of. She’s been shopping! I would love to go shopping with her. Seriously, I am guessing there would be wall to wall glasses of champagne.

Back to Obituary Annie and the fictional obituary she wrote, which turned some poor average perfectly normal man into a cold war super spy and got published for reals and is all over the news. This actually smacks of reality since, here in New York, we do have a major news outlet that specializes in reading newspapers on air as part of their actual news reporting program. The Devil approves of this career move, so she embraces her fictional journalistic efforts as a career stepping stone. This won’t end well. The Devil always gets his due. Especially on this show.

Now Henry and The Devil are playing racquetball. The Devil gives him a little lecture on ambition and love. Henry is getting schooled by Old Scratch! But what I really want to know is how Beelzebub has so much time off!

Cut to Olivia and Jane, out to lunch. I happen to notice that Jane’s roots need a touch up and…suddenly we’re talking about her sex life. Awkward. Which of course should naturally segue to cryptic talk of the dead… and…cut to Obituary Annie, who apparently STILL hasn’t gotten caught for fictionalizing her work. Instead she is off to rewrite the obituary for her mother as fiction and…her fiction becomes reality again! Ta-dum! The Devil at work. Actually, I am starting to wonder if he isn’t Ricardo Montalban reincarnated.

Speaking of which, the Devil is now out to lunch with Henry, ready to hook him up with the movers and shakers of the city political scene. I have to mention, again, that for a billionaire developer or the Emperor of the Underworld, he seems to have a lot of free time to spend on one lackluster young man. He sends poor little Henry off to get himself a shiny new job and Henry finally finds his balls.
Back to Olivia and Jane, who are speeding around town in Olivia’s porsche, like there are no red lights in Manhattan. Olivia proceeds to scare the crap out of Jane and we learn more about her daughter’s death. In real life, does anybody ever draw out this sort of information? I’m feeling a little manipulated by the writers. Not that they care.
Why, oh why, did Olivia’s daughter off herself???? Why am I afraid that it will take us many many episodes to find out?
Back to Obituary Annie. She isn’t in trouble for lying, but she’s busted for using too many column inches. And now she gets to lie and lie and lie some more.
Now back to the Drake to catch up with the two nerdiest cutest guys. The Writer and Henry…the Writer wants out of the building. The stalker assistant is starting to get to him.  It seems weird to ask your building manager to review your lease to see if you can get out of it, but it seems even weirder that the stalker admin flashes him. Whoops!
Olivia is unburdening herself to Jane. We get the abridged version of her daughter’s death.  Awww, wouldn’t we all like to have a batshit crazy mommy like Olivia?
Tender Gavin/Olivia moment. Moving on….
Yet another tender Jane and Henry moment. He has a new job! Squee! Partay! Their sheets look awfully expensive for people who are broke, and frankly, they are way too twee for a couple that is supposed to be struggling with both their finances and their careers. Of course, Jane is back to examining holes that she shouldn’t, and here we are back in the basement with red jello running down the wall and creepy feral girl chid. Whee!
Cut to our young couples out for the night. Jane, Henry, Writer and Bitch – Lou, if you must – are off to trip the light fantastique. Do people go dancing anymore? For real? Dang I am old. And, cue Stalker Single White Female Assistant arrival. Lou must really be desperate for friends if this kind of stalkerish behavior works for her.
Back to Obituary Annie, who is now being stalked by characters of her own creation and…good-bye Annie? Hmm. Back to drunk Jane and Henry, ready to head home.  But first we get to see Gavin and Henry’s new corrupt City Councilman boss. Aw shucks, I almost feel bad for poor Henry, just a pawn in the game of big city politics. Back to the Writer, SWF Assistant and Lou at the nightclub. Light girl on girl dancing action and a little bit of crazy eye from the Assistant. I’m afraid of her! Not as afraid as I am of the dolls from earlier in the episode, but afraid enough.
Meanwhile, Olivia is on the waterfront, burning her daughter’s suicide note with a fancy gold lighter. Seems that Sasha knew that her Daddy was a bad, bad man. Olivia walks off in her six-inch Louboutin heels. She is sad, true, but so very well accessorized. Of course Gavin is indeed a bad bad man and he throws Henry’s new boss, the Councilman, down the elevator shaft and into a supernatural flash of light. Ciao!
Jane and Henry are back to the Drake and Gavin has called for Henry. Jane is surprised in the hallway by the feral child. Scary! Scary girl…scary doll….
Beelzebub has summoned Henry to talk him out of taking the Chief of Staff job for the – now dead – Councilman and back to Obituary Annie and her ficticious hitman and back to Jane, laying awake again in bed, and back to the basement with Jane! It seems that the last moments of pacing of this show always become a bit hectic.
And here we are, back where we started, in the basement, with a flashlight this time, and a dusty old suitcase which, of course, Jane takes home. Dead body much? Guess we’ll find out next week!
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