XOX Betsey Johnson, Episode 5: It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere

Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

Betsey no longer has any stores because bankruptcy, so it’s kind of hard for her to host Fashion’s Night Out this year. Instead, she is bringing the party to her “closed down, boarded up” former flagship store in Soho, also known as “the streets.” Which is kind of really sad. It’s sort of like if a homeless person invited everyone over to the place they used to live before the bank auction. To liven up the mood, Betsey wears a tiara and pink tutu dress. Have you ever seen a seventy-year-old in a tutu? No? You’re very, very lucky. Hundreds of people show up because people love a spectacle. So that’s nice.

In preparation for her fashion show slash seventieth birthday, Betsey conducts model fittings of her vintage outfits including, “a multi mix-up froggy button classic Betsey mini dress,” “a skinny little coat with biiiiiig fur gorilla sleeves,” and a “Mongolian flannel printed crazy peasant print.” She also puts the interns to work sewing and glue gunning and shopping for pink fishnets. Sure do hope she pays those interns….

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LuLu and Allison are back from their meeting with The Other Andy Cohen, and are having a preliminary meeting with two friends who work for a handbag manufacturer and are SUPER EXCIIIIITED! Because LuLu is super polite, she cuts them off. Repeatedly. “Let’s not have your brain go crazy, let me go through and explain what everything is, and you can ask questions later.”

Betsey and LuLu visit a vintage store so that LuLu can find vintage handbags to show the handbag manufacturer. Just like LuLu’s clothes, LuLu’s accessories will be vintage knock-offs. It’s better that way, because then she doesn’t have to design anything, which is the perfect amount of design for someone with no design training whatsoever.

Betsey has been noticing that LuLu’s business partner is frequently missing in action. She pushes LuLu to change the name of the brand and reminds the viewers (and probably LuLu on a daily basis) that she is the sole investor in the company. When LuLu and Allison go to their big meeting with the handbag manufacturer to present their ideas, LuLu plunks a bunch of vintage handbags on the table. The manufacturer isn’t getting her concept. “I don’t see this as one brand. I don’t really get where you’re coming from.” Then he hands her a bunch of fabric samples and has her pick colors. Apparently that’s enough, because, “She has a very good eye for materials.” And that’s how handbags are made.

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The big fashion show is less than a week away, so Betsey visits the jewelry showroom and picks out a bunch of Betsey Johnson branded pieces with “bling bling” and “chuncky chunky.” It kind of looks like Betsey has never seen the jewelry before, despite having allegedly designed the pieces herself. Then, it’s off to a hotel to see her hairdresser whom she flies in from London five times a year. That’s usually what people do after their companies file for bankruptcy, right?

LuLu pops in during the hair process, and Betsey tells her that she always wanted the name of her company to be “LuLu Johnson,” and there’s a fight, and they’re both drunk off of their asses, and LuLu’s crying, and jeez. These two. Betsey says that she invested in LuLu’s company because LuLu has talent. Yeah. Okay. Have another glass of champagne, lady.

LuLu invites Allison over to her apartment to solidify their roles in the company and discuss the name change. She says, “Basically, I feel we should reconsider the name of the brand. I do have this name? And maybe I should acknowledge that?” And then in walks Betsey. “It’s cocktail time!” Allison says that she can’t deal with this anymore, and says that she doesn’t want to do this anymore. She says, “I’m not going to have a showdown with Betsey Johnson,” and walks out. Like a champ! Good for you, Allison!

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That leaves The Two Drunk Johnsons to hash it out over champagne, and Betsey says that she wants to pull out as an investor. But by dinnertime, LuLu has issued her apology. Although Betsey clearly knows that the apology was in exchange for another check, she accepts. LuLu also tells Betsey that she spoke to Allison and they are not going to be moving forward as partners. Yay! More champagne!

Next week, it’s finally almost the fashion show.

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