Team Challenge

Bourdain’s team is like a zen soup kitchen. Nigella is having trouble with Reina, who has zero respect for her input. Ludo is giving Cassandra the business because Cassandra doesn’t know how to cook meat. Marcus is trying to be a perfectionist, but he’s working with an imperfect team.

Tony puts up Shelly’s ginger soup, Nigella picks Jacqueline’s chorizo soup which Reina calls “disgusting,” Marcus choose’s Shehu’s coconut curry broth over Audrey’s because he helped Audrey so much that it was no longer Audrey’s dish, and Ludo selects Jeff’s ramen with pork loin spoon. Then, in the last minute, Nigella switches to Jay’s chicken soup with coconut milk because Jacqueline’s started to separate.

Shehu’s curry was too simple, Jeff’s noodles were overcooked and the spoon too full, Shellie’s soup was salty and unbalanced, and Jay’s chicken soup was too soupy. Edward declares Jeff’s ramen soup the winning dish, so Ludo’s kitchen gets the extra help during the next challenge. Marcus’s kitchen is second, third is Bourdain, and the worst dish if from Nigella’s kitchen. Nigella eliminates Reina because she didn’t listen to criticism at all, which makes her totally useless. Funnily enough, Reina thinks she is being sent home because she is beautiful. Oh honey, no. That is most definitely not it.

Individual Challenge

Edward Lee shows his new team how to cook from their hearts using eight ingredients or less, which is sort of my trick only I use three ingredients or less and yes, salt is an ingredient. Kimchi, pork rinds, yummy things, and Cassandra refuses to taste it which is just about the rudest thing I’ve seen on a cooking show. If you sign up for The Taste, you’d better be ready to taste food. Meat is a food. A delicious, nutritious food.  You put it in your piehole, chew, swallow, and repeat. And somewhere along the way, you taste, and you enjoy, and maybe you learn a little something, too. But Cassandra has been a vegetarian for a whole five years, guys, so come on. Give her a break. Five years! So she decides to cook tomato soup and grilled cheese. Good luck with that, lady.

The chefs give their teams a pep talk and send them off into their kitchens alone, to cook a dish that says a little something about themselves. Everyone is eyeballing Nigella’s team, and I’m not sure they’re wrong. Crystal is making meatloaf with bacon on top and “the bacon will tell me the meatloaf’s done.” I don’t know that you can win a competition like this with meatloaf. Jay is making a simplistic looking roasted chicken with cornbread stuffing and Jacquelyn is kind of cackling in the background, so who knows.

Edward inspired a schnitzel and some dumplings, and even Cassandra kicked it up a notch with a roasted salmon and mashed cauliflower (though she takes the skin off of the salmon—major rookie move!). Jeff’s Buffalo chicken looks suspect, though.

Shellie’s rice cooker isn’t cooking, Crystal’s meatloaf incubator keeps losing heat, Jeff needs to learn to make smaller bites, forty-seven seconds left and the spoons are as done as they’re gonna get. The mentors roll out to taste the spoons. It’s a blind tasting, so anything can happen.

Tony’s Team

Brad’s grilled shrimp: “I think Jimmy Buffet made this dish.”

Shelly’s short ribs: balanced, good rice.

Dana’s Navajo nachos: I cannot believe that Ludo likes this

Lee’s meatballs: Marcus doesn’t like the meatballs, but Ludo would put the sauce in his restaurant

Nigella’s Team

Crystal’s meatloaf: There are no utensils and this is not finger food, so eew. “This is not my dream date in the meatloaf department.

Jacqueline’s chili verde: Nigella would like more heat

Jay’s cornbread dressing and chicken: Ludo calls it a disaster

Ludo’s Team

Jeff’s Buffalo chicken: big hit. Huge.

Salmon with cauliflower puree: They like it, sort of

Marina’s egg dumpling and chicken rice soup: delicate, Nigella’s licking the spoon

Louise’s pork schnitzel: Bourdain is confused, but he’d like it with a nice dry Riesling.

Marcus’s Team

Sarah’s seared halibut with shrimp: very spicy, kind of burning, but pretty good

Audrey’s chorizo and pesto over pasta: the flavor seems off, and it’s oily

Shehu’s cream of garlic soup with salmon: the dish lacks personality, but the fish is cooked perfectly

Don’s carnitas and kale: “Incredibly well-balanced”

Oh. My. Gawd. There’s a reality television romance between Cassandra and Lee. On, like, Day Two. I’m embarrassed for them, really. But that’s just a distraction from the food. Who got gold stars, and who is up for elimination? Tony and Ludo’s favorite dish is Lee’s meatballs, from Tony’s team. Marcus and Nigella’s favorite is Jeff’s chicken wings, from Ludo’s team.

Tony, Ludo (“Ze wan I dun like tonight eez.…), and Nigella’s worst taste is from Jay, who is on Nigella’s team. Marcus’s worst is Audrey, who is on his own team. Well, that seems pretty clear cut. Audrey’s chorizo and peppers with pesto pasta is filled with a sappy, craptastic story. But in the end, none of that food should’ve been anywhere together on that plate. Jay’s sad plate of roasted chicken and cornbread dressing was unbalanced, dry, and did Jay just cut Tony off mid-sentence? He needs to stop talking. And when I say “stop talking,” I do not mean “shout loudly at the chefs.” But, ugh, if Audrey talks about taking the “naughty” foods and turning them healthy one more time, I’m going to vomit nachos all over my laptop. That girl doesn’t know the first thing about naughty, but that’s a whole other story.

And it’s Jay going home. That means Nigella’s team is down to two people, neither of which have a snowball’s chance in hell of winning this competition.