Reprinted with permission from www.travelfreak.com

Well we made it to the season finale! And by “we,” I mean Team Bro, My Family Is Famous, Roller Derby, and the Newlyweds. After careful consideration, I have decided to root for Team Bro but would be happy if anyone other than the Newlyweds wins the prize.

Okay, so where were we? Scotland. The Newlyweds depart first at 4:07 p.m. to travel by train to a ferry to Belfast, Northern Ireland, and then drive to someplace called Peatland’s Park. The Newlyweds and Team Bro get on the first train, but the ferry doesn’t leave until the morning, My Family Is Famous and Roller Derby catch up at the ferry terminal.

Once in Northern Ireland, the teams hop in their cars and drive. Team Bro follows the Newlyweds in one direction, and My Family Is Famous follows Roller Derby in another direction. Turns out the Newlyweds are correct.  Roadblock! Bog Snorkeling! They must complete a 100-yard lap in less than four minutes, clad in a wet suit, fins, and snorkel gear. Swimming through a bog is messy and cold, but Team Bro finishes within the time constraint and receives a clue that sends them back to Belfast to find The Thing With A Ring.

The Newlyweds dive into the bog next and finish the task before the other teams hit the course. Roller Derby finishes next, but My Family Is Famous has a few problems swimming and getting stuck in the mud. Jen misses the four-minute mark the first time and Caroline convinces her to give it another try. Halfway through her second attempt, Jen climbs out of the primordial ooze, gets out of her wetsuit, and…prays. Because God cares who wins The Amazing Race. She gets back into the bog and finishes the task with ten seconds to spare.

Detour! Tray It or Spray It. Tray It requires teams to climb into the dry dock where the Titanic was built and serve five courses of dishes that were served on the Titanic. One team member must prepare the dishes, and the other teammates must serve the dishes to all diners in the right order. Spray It requires teams to visit a bike park and finish a side of graffiti art, using a photo as reference. The Newlyweds, Roller Derby and Team Bro choose Tray It because it’s closer.

At Tray It, the Newlyweds are confused about what’s a first course and what’s a second course. They catch their mistake before walking all the way down six flights of stairs and across a Titanic-sized dry dock to serve the food. Team Bro arrives at the task and gets the first course wrong.  Shortly after, Roller Derby makes the same mistake.  While Team Bro corrects the error, Roller Derby can’t quite figure out that they need to read the menu outside of the food tent. The Newlyweds finish the task first and receive a clue that sends them to the pit stop at Ulster Hall while Team Bro and Roller Derby struggle to serve the correct dishes.

After sending his teammate down with the correct final course, Team Bro lets Roller Derby know that they need to be looking at the list of courses and not just the seating chart. But, Roller Derby still doesn’t understand and sends another round of incorrect dishes down into the giant pit, putting them even further behind. Finally, Mona reads the giant sign she must have walked past two dozen times and realizes her mistake.

Roller Derby finally finishes the task to much applause from the diners long after the other two teams left the task. In a footrace to the pit stop, the Newlyweds arrive at as team number one, and Team Bro check in as team number two just seconds later.

Once they arrive at the Detour, My Family Is Famous chooses to do Spray It and paint the fussiest, most joyless graffiti in the world. After cleaning up a few lines, they receive their clue. But, it’s too late as Roller Derby checks in at the pit stop as team number three. My Family Is Famous is the last team to arrive and Phil eliminates from the race. They vow to write a lot of songs about their experiences on the race, and I vow to listen to none of them.

So now we’re down to three teams. The Newlyweds and Team Bro leave at around 5:00 a.m. and receive a clue that sends them on an eight-hour ferry ride across the Irish Sea to Liverpool, make their way to London where they will have to find a pub and order a pint of beer. Roller Derby departs the pit stop about forty-five minutes later, so everybody catches up at the ferry terminal.  When they arrive in London, the teams receive a clue that sends them to Washington, D.C. where they must figure out that their next clue is on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

Once in D.C., the three teams race to the Lincoln Memorial. All three teams arrive at the same time and receive a clue that sends them to 1100 Pennsylvania Avenue where they will have their photo taken with the President and receive their next clue. Or so they think. No, they can’t. That would be silly. Of course, it’s not really the President so much as a mall and a cardboard cutout. The Newlyweds are happy that they’re not really meeting President Obama because they are “unapologetic Republicans.” Charming. They receive a photo and a clue that sends them to The Tidal Basin where they will receive a briefcase with their next clue.

Team Bro get their photos taken next, while ha! Roller Derby’s cab takes them to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. They run around the entire White House before realizing that they’ve gone in totally the wrong direction. Meanwhile, the Newlyweds find a Roadblock. They must search around the Tidal Basin and figure out which one of the 50 agents is carrying their next clue using a secret password that requires them to figure out the right combination based upon tasks they had done during the race. Team Bro arrives seconds later, and they start running around the basin asking saying their secret words to each of the agents. Team Bro exchanges briefcases with an agent first and are given a clue to open the lock. Bates figures it out and receives a clue that sends teams to National Stadium. Just as Team Bros leaves, Roller Derby arrives at the basin and it becomes a race for last place with the Newlyweds.

At National Park, one team member is suspended over the stadium on a wire while the other is dressed as a baseball. The one on the wire will throw the ball to their partner on the ground, who catches the ball to receive their next clue.

Roller Derby and the Newlyweds both receive the briefcase handoff and the clue at the same time, which causes a fight for taxis. But none of it matters because Team Bro finishes the task before the other teams even arrive at the stadium. Their clue sends them to Hains Point, and their cab driver knows where it is. It’s the final task—teams must search a pile of globes that highlight different countries, find the ones that they visited, toss them to their partner who must put them in the correct order. When they have all of the globes in the right order, they can go to the pit stop to collect their million bucks.

Team Bro finishes before the other teams arrive and receive a clue that sends them to the pit stop at Mount Vernon. While they’re in a cab on their way to win a million bucks, the Newlyweds and Roller Derby arrive at the ball pit. Team Bro crosses the finish line as team number one to a round of applause.  The Newlyweds arrive second, and I very much enjoyed seeing the disappointment on their faces. Roller Derby finishes the race in third place, just as the sun began to set.

Well that was something. Good for them. So. Which one of you wants to run the race with me?

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