I know there were a lot of super amazing political machinations and teary goodbyes, but first I need to talk about is the sweet sweet love between Ser Jaime and Ser Brienne, so let’s all climb that tree for a moment, shall we? 

The shippers out there, and I will unabashedly wave that flag, finally got their moment when Jaime pulled the old “it sure is hot in here” move on Brienne. Bing bang boom and the eldest virgin has been deflowered. But good things never last in Winterfell because winter is coming, and Jaime’s still in love with his sister, Cersei, who’s probably carrying his (counts fingers) fourth child. Life in the Seven Kingdoms is so complicated!

Speaking of Jaime, can we talk about the deterioration of his formerly formal good looks? He’s gone from ruggedly handsome with a patina of pretty to disheveled with a whiff of homelessness. It’s like watching the full arc of Brad Pitt’s career condensed into a few brutal seasons.

Anyway, I’m also loving the fondish farewell between Varys and Tyrion, two of my very favorite characters. They’ve walked the same path for so long, but soon they must part ways. And with Dragon Lady looking more like Dragonless Lady, that time is quickly approaching. I hate to say it, but I don’t see Tyrion making it out of this one alive. Sigh.

Other things of note:

• I was pleased to see Arya turn down Gendry’s offer of Ladyship in favor of a life of crime, murder, and almost certain death with The Hound.
• Sansa may be totally useless in battle, but she can cut a bitch with her eyes.
• Cersei is having a permanent bad hair day.
• Did anyone else think it was way too easy to fell a dragon? Like, why not breathe some fire on those wooden ships?
• I’m pretty sure Podrick walked away from the feast with a lady on each arm.

With only two episodes left, maybe next week Game of Thrones can get on with the business of killing some main characters or something?

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The hotly anticipated Battle Of Winterfell is finally upon us and…spoilers are coming at you faster than a wight on a wall!

For a second I thought we’d be stuck in a four-episode gaze between Bran and the Night King, but thankfully the Game Of Who’s The Creepiest was ended by ass kickin’ Arya, our first of many invaluable ladies at the Battle Of Winterfell. Did you all gasp as loudly as I did when the Night King grabbed Arya by her neck? Why did I doubt her, that girl has better knife skills than a Benihana chef. Arya ultimately dealt the Night King a fatal blow, because what do we say to death? Not today. Just crown her Queen already and let’s get on with it.

Can we talk about Lady Mormont?! She crushed it while she was being crushed!!! A noble death for a badass little Lady with a killer storyline, and a reminder that this show has come a long way from its T&A roots.

Let’s not forget Ser Brienne of Tarth. How she made it out alive with all of last week’s foreshadowing is beyond me. She and Jaime fought like champions against an enemy that doesn’t tire or take bathroom breaks. Their love is strong, so maybe after the bodies are burned and they get cleaned up the true romance between Brienne and Jaime can begin.

So that battle was cool and all, but my absolute favorite moments were between Sansa and Tyrion. Like an old married couple who have finally realize it’s just easier to stay together, they both seem to be warming up to the idea of reuniting to become a power couple for realsies, or at least for practicality’s sake. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again–Sansa and Tyrion will take the Iron Throne together.

Notice how I didn’t include Dragon Lady on my list of Badass Ladies Of The Seven Kingdoms? I mean, what did she even do during the battle? Get lost in a storm while zipping around on Drogon? Seriously weak sauce, and I can’t wait for her inevitable death at the hands of, I don’t know, maybe Cersei’s latest boyfriend?

A few miscellaneous thoughts:

• Would it have killed them to turn a few lights on? It was really hard to see who was dying on the battlefield.
• That was the most organized retreat I’ve ever seen–normally characters are running around like it’s a dodgeball game at recess.
• Kind of wished the Night King spoke in a really high-pitched voice, and with an Australian accent.
• I wonder what Cersei’s been up to….

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Well hello there, and welcome back to my television-adjacent brain dribblings! Because the world is just one big water cooler, I don’t want to discuss last night’s episode of Game Of Thrones. What? Huh? No. Instead, I want to discuss my predictions for the rest of this last and final season. Ready, go! 

1. Bran Stark (GoT) is Carl Grimes (TWD), so the two will meet the same fate. Yes, they’re two different actors on two different shows. And no, Bran has never worn a stupid hat (which in itself is stupid because he’s outdoors a lot and Winterfell looks absolutely frigid). But that creepy thousand yard stare they both do, and their shared ability to suck the life out of an otherwise serviceable scene? Samesies. So it makes perfect sense that Bran suffer the same fate as Carl—a fatal wound North of The Wall, causing a loved one to burn him alive in order to avoid Zombie Bran weirding us all out for yet another episode.

2. All other claims to the throne will die except Arya, Sansa, and Tyrion. One caveat—this does not include Yara Greyjoy, who smartly skedaddled off to an island that can’t be reached by the White Walkers, as all sensible people should do. Anyway, with Arya off on an adventure to kill the Night King using her spiffy new dragon glass weapon (or as she calls it, Tuesday…more on that below), that leaves Sansa and Tyrion to rule the Iron Throne as husband and wife. Which they kind of already are, but technically not, but the details will just have to work themselves out. These two are all about practicality, and if a loveless marriage between a Stark and a Lannister that would bring stability to a chaotic world and, yeah, massive amounts of power for the miserable couple, that’s a bargain Sansa and Tyrion would gladly enter into. At least until one of them tried to kill the other in an as-of-yet-unannounced sequel Game of Thrones: Marriage Edition, but that’s a show for another day.

3. Daenerys Targaryen will kill Jon Snow. Little Miss “Bend The Knee” is going to get her non-existent panties in a bunch when she learns that her boyfriend has a better claim to The Throne than his Auntie Dany. Which is why she’ll kill him. And Sam Tarly, because he knows too much. And also because she already killed the rest of the Tarlys, so what’s one more? But enough of this love story, let’s get back to the zombie apocalypse.

4. As I mentioned above, Arya kills the Night King. And what does Arya do when she kills super bad villains? She takes their face so that she can kill even more super bad villains. And, ultimately, that’s what wins the war—Arya wearing the Night King’s face, killing the zombie dragon and the rest of the White Walkers, and she’ll get zero credit for it because she’s just a kid. I’m totally unclear on the math in all of this because shouldn’t all of the White Walkers die once the Night King is slain? But trust me, it’s an epic battle scene that all works out nicely in my head.

5. Bran cuts off Jamie’s other arm as even-steven for his two useless legs. I mean, why not? Is there better poetic justice for a legless Bran than watching a handsome, gallant swordsman unable to grab his sword(s)?

So. What’s the over-under on any of these? Doesn’t matter. With one episode down, none of us has even a tiny inkling of how this show is going to wrap up. And for a show about zombies set in a glorified, fantastical version of the Middle Ages where anything is possible, it’s entirely possible that all of my predictions will come true once we snow-crunch our way through the season. Also, they really should’ve had Tyrion Lannister stand in the front row for that Season 8 cast photo….

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