Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

Tim Gunn wakes the contestants up with a whistle and a referee’s outfit. Turns out he moonlights at Footlocker. Or, it’s a sportswear challenge. They meet Heidi and Tim at an obstacle course on the Upper East Side where they have to dodge Ladies Who Lunch. The winner gets an extra hour for the one-day challenge and will choose their fabric first. The winning look will be manufactured and sold as part of Heidi’s performance wear collection.

Sweating, running, falling, and Dom and Justin win the obstacle course challenge. The designers plop down on the grasslike floor fabric to start sketching. I’m seeing a lot of tank tops and leggings, but hopefully someone breaks out of the typical workout wardrobe mode.

Back at the workroom, Helen tracks Tim down to ask if she can use a sample from Heidi’s collection to reference for the fit of her own pants. This turns into a shouting match with Ken, who freaks out over…something? Nobody knows. Helen leaves to “find help,” and Tim tells her that if Ken pursues her, she should come and find him. Then Ken leaves the workroom to call his mother who calls his church and, ugh. Tim has a little talk with Ken who explains that, “this process is overwhelming.” Tim then brings Ken back to the workroom so that he could apologize to Helen. All is well, nobody gets stabbed with a sewing machine, back to your Lycra, everyone.

Heidi visits the workroom and is worried that everyone is using black fabrics. Kate is inspired by motor cross racing and designs a cute cropped baggy sweatshirty top. Helen is making a draped workout t-shirt, leggings, and a mesh jacket that Heidi calls “too basic.” Heidi warns Justin about squished pancake boobs, and Karen freaks her out with a neon sports bra that “is Martian, it is crazy.” Then she tells Ken that his garment looks like a scuba suit, which is not a hot look. Alexandria’s creating yet another dropped crotch pant which Heidi thinks is innovative, but when Justin Bieber is wearing your silhouette on a daily basis, maybe the dropped crotch is over. After Heidi leaves, Karen totally revamps her outfit, but it’s still ugly. Her model encourages her to turn the baggy pants into shorts, but there’s no time for changes so she must wear the ugly pants.

Runway time! Heidi introduces the judges. There’s Zac Posen, Nina Garcia, and ZOMG MICHAEL KORS I MISSED YOU! I’M SO GLAD YOU’RE STILL ORANGE! Let’s move on to the looks while I compose myself….

Kate’s outfit is awesome in grey and red and drapey and it moves so well.

Bradon’s model sashays down the runway and it enhances the lines of his look.

Alexandria’s dropped crotch pants are just stupid.

Helen’s black outfit with a net jacket is very wearable.

Dom’s workout wear is bold.

Justin’s diagonal zipped jacket is adorable, and the shorts are cute but way too short for a real life workout.

Ken’s purple and black workout gear is perfect for a Midwestern yoga instructor.

Jeremy’s purple pants are just the worst.

Karen’s baggy frumpfest is something I would wear, and I haven’t been to the gym in at least a decade.

Alexander’s sleek leggings are amazing—they’re seamless? How?

Helen, Karen, Alexander, Ken, Alexandria, and Kate have the highest and lowest scores. Kate’s red cowl neck and loose jacket is a hit with Heidi, though she doesn’t like the zipper in the back of the jacket. Alexander’s simple and clean color blocked outfit is well made, and the asymmetrical jacket is neat. Nina doesn’t like the color blocking because it makes the model’s butt look long, and Michael Kors thinks it’s something from the sale rack in an active department, but it’s in the store so that’s a plus. Ken’s boring snoozefest is awkwardly proportioned, and “it looks like Tina Turner’s dress rode up a bit.”

While she was waiting for her critique, Alexandria’s model took a poop in her pants and nobody noticed. Zac Posen calls it repetitive, and the ripped muscle t-shirt looks like it got caught in the elliptical. Or, rather, “she went running and she ran into a bear and she had an accident in her pants.” Michael Kors also offers some dating advice: If you want guys to leave you alone at the gym, wear that look. He also dubs the pockets “pleasure me pockets” which made me spit my wine out. Sigh.

Next up is Karen’s baggy frumpfest. Michael (we’re on a first name basis now) says “her activity looks like she’s going to a buffet on a cruise.” Helen calls her jacket “awesome” and her pants “fun,” and Nina loves the jacket because it covers the ass and thighs. Heidi is just pleased that the jacket covers the ordinary tank top. When Zac Posen suggests Home Shopping (Network) for the jacket, Helen pulls a face. Michael Kors straightens her out real quick: Well don’t make a face, girlie. You want the register to ring?

Helen is the winner of the challenge for inventing The Ass Mask. Alexander, Kate, and Poopy Pants Alexandria are in. Between Karen and Ken, Karen is out. Huh. At least Karen tried to make something different. Well, eh.

Next week, a lot of ugly clothes, and the designers are sent back to the workroom.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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