Robert wants to settle the question of who will manage the baby’s fortune. Robert thinks it should be him, but Mother thinks it’s Mary’s responsibility. I think they should let the baby make his own decisions, but what do I know.

Mary looks appropriately dour in her long black gown, and with Sybil gone, that sort of makes Edith the pretty one. Finally. As Edith packs to leave for London, Mary tells her to “have a happy time,” but boy, her tone of voice says “I’ve never disliked you more, Edith.” Or, “Get eaten by rabid dogs outside of a middle-class row house.”

Edith meets her married lovah in London. He has an idea. He wants to move to a country where lunacy is grounds for divorce. Like Germany, for instance. Because Germany is going to get super fun real soon. He throws a literary party to introduce Edith to his bookish friends and it is very grand, with tuxedos and long cigarette holders. Edith is dressed in deep red with a satin sash around her head, hair like rolling hills, and she has really never looked lovelier.

Oh, how awkward. Mosely asks Mrs. Crawley for his job back in front of the Countess. But Mrs. Crawley has no need for a valet, so Mosely toddles off to his father’s house an even more broken man. Later that day, the Countess pops in on Mosely’s father to let him know that Mosely is requested to help serve at a luncheon where she will be entertaining a Lady in need of a valet. When did she become the nice one?

Mrs. Hughes plucked a letter out of Carson’s wastebasket, and it was a letter from his former song-and-dance partner, who is in a workhouse, which I think is debtor’s prison. When Carson expresses his complete disinterest in helping, Mrs. Hughes asks for Mrs. Crawley’s assistance. For who-knows-what reason, Mrs. Crawley is happy to take on Carson’s old dancey friend as her project du jour. I guess those orphans and wounded soldiers and are all taken care of?

Tom asks for Carson’s help in snapping Lady Mary back into shape. He feels that she needs to find an interest in running the estate, but Lord Grantham thinks that Mary shouldn’t be troubled by such things. So Tom wants Carson to give her some advice, because Mary knows that Carson has her best interests in mind. Unfortunately, Mary does not want to hear it from a butler and dresses Carson down with a cold “I’m sorry you feel entitled to overstep the mark.” She eventually apologizes and they hug it out, but still, that’s harsh. I mean, that’s the man who used to supervise the changing of your nappies.

Later that evening, Mary goes storming out of the dining room when the Countess suggests that Mary take on the huge, monstrous responsibility of entertaining at a dinner party. The Countess tracks Mary down in her bedroom and croaks out an almost-genuine “I love you.” Mary explains that she won’t be a good mother because without Matthew, she is just a cold, hard, bitch. Well, yeah. But it’s not like she’ll be raising the kid herself, so what kind of real damage can she do in just an hour each day? Mary eventually takes a seat at the men’s table to conduct the business of Downton, so that should be interesting.

Ivy is still the hottest thing in the kitchen, with the Blond Boys vying for her attention. But when the hot blond takes her out to the pub, Ivy gets hammered and it’s up to the less-hot blond to clean her up (with some help from Anne). Meanwhile, Thomas is clashing with Nanny West over who takes orders from whom, and something about eggs in Little Sybil’s tea? Big mistake, Nanny West. Thomas goes straight to Lady Cora and lets her know that Nanny West has been leaving the helpless babies alone, completely unsupervised.

Holy cow, Edith steps it up a notch-and-a-half with a seafoam and gold brocade dress for a quiet dinner with her lovah in London. The conversation kills me. “I do love you so.” “Do you? I’m glad.” I can feel the heat from here. He is going to become a German citizen in order to divorce his bonkers bride. They have their first public kiss, and the world does not collapse under its weight.

Oh my God! Thomas was right! Lady Cora catches Nanny West saying “Go back to sleep, you wicked little crossbreed!” to Baby Sybil. Guess who’s fired? Maybe that leaves an opening for the maid who used to sell her wares on the street corner to be the new nanny…or Mosley?

A box arrives in the Downton kitchen addressed to Lady Mary. It’s from Matthew’s office, so Carson decides to deliver it to His Lordship instead, just in case there is something uncomfortable inside. The box contains a letter, which Robert then brings to the Countess. The letter says that Mary is to be his sole heiress, but Robert is concerned that it might not be legal so he’s going to send it to Murray. The Countess suspects that Robert is concerned that with Mary in the mix, he will no longer be the one in charge.

Carson’s singy-dancy party is still loitering at Mrs. Crawley’s house. He says something cryptic about Carson thinking it was all his fault. Hmm.

Anne pops in on Mr. Mosely at his new job, which looks like road-paving, or ditch-digging. He’s in a bad way, owing money all over the village. Anne offers him money, from her and Mr. Bates. He won’t accept it, so perhaps he just needs to sink a little lower first.

Robert tells Mary about the letter (but conveniently fails to mention it was sealed up in a box addressed to her).

“My darling Mary, we are off to Dumbledore in the morning, and blah blah blah I’m a bad lawyer for not making a will. I wish you to be my sole heiress. I cannot know if our baby is a boy or a girl…so you must take charge. Blah blah blah. Matthew.”

Robert insists that “whatever Matthew’s intentions, it is not a will.” Oh my God, my law school is kicking in…is it a will? It sounds like a will, and it is his last word as to his intentions. But was there a limitation in there? As in, if Mary had a boy, Matthew intended the child to be the sole heir? And then there are “death duties,” which would have to be paid if the money went to a wife instead of a male heir (which is total crap, by the way). Downton would have to sell off land to pay it, so there’s that to consider.

Mrs. Crawley wrote to an opera house to help find Carson’s singy-dancy friend a job. She finds him a stage hand position and goes to see Carson about possibly seeing his old friend before he departs for London. Carson wants nothing to do with him, which means there’s a huge, and massive secret ready to be told.

Oh hi, Rose! She’s wearing pants! Pajama pants, but still. Progress! She asks Anne to chaperone her at a dance that Anne deems unacceptable for a Lady. Later that day, Anne accidentally spilled Lady Mary’s perfume, and the nearest shop is in York. Which is conveniently in the same town as the dance. So…perfect! Anne will go with Rose, and wacky hijinks will ensue.

They go to a dance hall—an actual dance hall! How tawdry! They are spotted by Jimmy who keeps Anne company on the dance floor while Rose is off with a gentleman. Rose passes herself off as a worker at Downton. As often happens in dance halls, there’s a fistfight and the police show up and Jimmy hustles the ladies out the back door just in time.

Edna, the new Lady’s Maid, ruined a thing that might be a piece of clothing, and won’t tell Cora how she did it. Probably got burned with one of those newfangled electric fabric flattening machines. Thomas finds a way to “suggest” to Cora that the new Lady’s Maid was just covering up for Mrs. Bates, who is very, very jealous. Cora tells Robert, Robert tells Bates, and now it’s an awkward thing.

Bates interrupts the Countess to explain Mr. Molesley’s dire situation. Mr. Molesley is too proud to accept money as a gift, so Mr. Bates would like to find some other way to give him the Countess’s money. Putting the plan into action, Mr. Molesley stops by Downton for a spot of tea. Bates claims that Molesley lent him money when he first arrived and now he is ready to pay him back. Thirty pounds! And he did it in front of everyone, so that Molesley couldn’t refuse.

Edith is visiting with her lovah about his transformation into a much-hated German citizen. Ooh, a hand on her knee! “It’s getting harder and harder to say no.”

Uh-oh. Sam, the man who danced with Rose, pays a visit to Downton, to see the housemaid, Rose. Anne intercepts and has him wait in the yard while she fetches Rose, who she dresses up in a maid’s uniform. She’s…very taken with him, and he asks to call on her again. Rose makes up a story about giving her word to a local farmer and there’s a goodbye kiss…and I don’t think that’s the last we’ll see of Sam.

The Countess has an idea. She wants Mary to have a say in the running of Downton because either herself or her baby have a half share in the estate. And she wants Tom to teach her about the crops and the livestock and the problems facing the estate. And all without telling “Papa.” Later on, Robert received a letter from Murray who says that Matthew’s letter demonstrates testamentary intention, which means the writer intended the document to serve as a will. So the letter is a will, the will stands, and Mary owns half of the estate.

Carson goes to see his old friend off at the train station afterall. It turns out this whole rift was over a woman, Alice. She chose the dancy party over Carson, and now she’s dead, but she always loved Carson. Aw. How sweet.

Next week, well-dressed men show up to court Mary.

Reprinted from HauteTalk.com