Terrible Television » Rachel Roy

Project Runway, Episode 10: There’s No Crying In Fashion

misslinda — Fri, 29 Mar 2013 16:35:15 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

The judges switch up the teams again, because teams! Chaos! Conflict! Good television! This week’s teams are as follows:

Stanley and Polka Dots
Daniel and Layana
Wind Chime and Hallmarq

Heidi ships the contestants off to the Guggenheim Museum, where Tim explains that they must create one piece of whacked out wearable art, and a second complimentary commercial ready-to-wear look. And, they will be making their own textiles using touch screens that are not iPads.

Polka Dots and Stanley are both inspired by the same paintings so they are working on the two outfits together, in peaceful harmony. Daniel talks whimsically about giant sculptural thing-a-ma-bobs, which concerns Layana because pretty things should be pretty. Wind Chime is inspired by “Rectangles, circles, all of that,” while Hallmarq cowers in the corner, confused.

For the textile, Stanley and Polka Dots draw an ugly bright yellow squiggle face and hit the “repeat” button. Wind Chime and Hallmarq make triangles. Whoo, live life to the fullest, kids. Layana and Daniel make rectangles. I haven’t had this much excitement since my last bowl of oatmeal.

And now it’s time for The Workroom Breakdown, starring Layana as The Drama Queen. Daniel tries to save Layana from her dark mood, but Layana says Daniel is a lousy partner because he can’t fix her awful design. So…wouldn’t that make Layana the worst partner of all? When Layana finally feels creative enough to design again, she hogs all of the fabric. Like, all of the fabric. Daniel has to beg her for less than a yard of fabric so that he can make a skimpy skirt. Teamwork! Yay!

After all of the bitching and moaning, Layana makes a boring, flat, lifeless skirt that isn’t anywhere near avante garde. Tim gives it a 12 out of 100 for creativity, and Layana brings out her secret weapons—tears and whining. “This is such a big challenge, and I feel like I have nobody who can help me!” Um, honey, this is a competition. If you can’t help yourself, it’s time for you to go home.

To the very short runway show! The judges this week are Rachel Roy (filling in for Zac Posen, who is filling in for Michael Kors), Nina Garcia, and fashion designer Tracy Reese.

Layana’s crazy tulle dress is nice, but not at all modern or even original. Daniel’s ready-to-wear version, however, is a super cute mini skirt with a slick black wrap jacket. Wind Chime went balls to the wall with this challenge, binding her model’s arms in a painted wrap and draping a trail of fabric poop behind her. Hallmarq’s ready-to-wear dress is…a mess. Polka Dots designed a zombie apocalypse funhouse army uniform, and Stanley made a killer giant a-frame dress for the more commercial look.

The judges love Stanley’s dress. Love it, love it, love it. Love. And Polka Dots’ dress isn’t half bad, either. Hallmarq and Wind Chime receive polite smiles from the judges. Heidi immediately wants to know who did what, and it becomes clear that Hallmarq struggled with the fabric, causing a battle between pleats and wrinkles.

Layana tries to talk her way through judging, moaning about a dark, dark place called The Workroom. Daniel’s look was Heidi’s favorite, and she calls the jacket “killer.” Nina describes Layana’s look a “hodgepodge,” and Tracy Reese calls it old-fashioned. Naturally, Layana takes credit for Daniel’s look and then summons up a few tears for backstage because Daniel didn’t acknowledge all of the non-work she put into Daniel’s garment. Or, rather, “our garment.” In sum, Layana wants credit for both outfits and feels “so betrayed” by Daniel. Oh. Mah. Gawd. Millennials, always reaching for an extra participation prize.

Wow, Rachel Roy does not like Layana’s dress. She calls it everything from bad pageant wear to a Kentucky Derby gone wrong. Heidi hits the nail on the head: I do think Layana thinks she is the cat’s meow. Meee-ow indeed!

Stanley and Polka Dots are the winning team, and the win goes to Stanley for that rockin’ tent dress that I would so wear the heck out of. Wind Chime and Hallmarq are the losing team, which means Layana can stop crying now. But now it’s Wind Chime’s turn to cry like a small child who lost her pet rock, and all for nothing because she’s in. Which means Hallmarq is out. Goodbye, Richard Hallmarq. You did some really solid but forgettable work this season.

Next week, no more teams. Instead, cast-off Project Runway losers will offer lots and lots of help.

Project Runway Episode 9: Ready-To-Wear

misslinda — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 17:20:03 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

Tim greets the contestants at Lord & Taylor, and surprising them with new teams. The teams are:

Stanley and Wind Chime
Daniel and Polka Dots
Samantha, Layana and Hallmarq

The contestants have to make ready-to-wear looks for Spring 2013 that are inspired by the Lord & Taylor rose. The winner will have their look reproduced and sold in the store and online, and it will be featured in the store window.

Stanley and Wind Chime are already having friction because he’s trying to tone down her crazy, and there’s no controlling Wind Chime when she wants to make fabric out of floor tiles. Hallmarq is ignoring Layana because she tossed him under the bus during the last runway judging, and Polka Dots is trying to turn Daniel into a modern designer which leads to an odd neon pink fabric selection.

Sketching, draping, taping, and more team tension. It’s a battle between Stanley and Wind Chime, resulting in gems like: You need to listen when we’re having discussions! and I need to wet my fabric. Meanwhile, Layana is having Pretty Person Problems which consist of not getting enough attention from her teammates and nobody telling her how shiny her hair looks.

Tim Gunn arrives in the workroom to nervous laughter. He loves Samantha’s adorable color-blocked separates, but he is not thrilled with the leather trim on Layana’s flowered frock. Hallmarq tries to sell Tim on his pink and black boring jersey dress that he’s done already, but Tim isn’t buying it. Tim is concerned that Wind Chime’s outfit is too expensive to produce, and Stanley’s shift dress bores Tim to tears. Polka Dots made a gloomy rain vest because arms were meant to get wet. Tim tells her to ditch the vest and go with the dress underneath. When Tim sees Daniel’s hot pink jacket, he calls it “a little Joan Collins.

To the runway! This week, Heidi has replaced Zac Posen Kors with Rachel Roy. There’s also everybody’s favorite fashion director of Marie Claire magazine, Nina Garcia, and guest judge Bonnie Brooks, President of Lord & Taylor.

Wind Chime’s coral frilly top with shantung capri pants look surprisingly pretty and fresh. Stanley’s coral dress is a perfectly nice dreszzzzzz, oh sorry, it’s just so boring. Hallmarq’s tank dress is easy breezy, but nothing special. Samantha’s color block separates are way too young for Lord & Taylor, but still really cute in an Urban Outfitters kind of way. Layana’s dress is a chic cut, but somehow the floral pattern is joyless. Daniel’s design is the perfect outfit for a middle-aged woman to wear to the office. Polka Dots ditched her vest and made a blocky bright yellow and dove gray dress that’s a little five years ago, but kudos to her for making leather look light and airy.

Okay, it’s time for judging. Stanley and Wind Chime are safe and can leave the runway. Daniel and Polka Dots are the winning team because why? I don’t know. That means Samantha, Hallmarq, and Layana are the losing team.

First, the winners. Heidi loves the yellow and gray dress, calling it “hip and modern,” Rachel Roy describes the dress as “smart and easy,” and Nina likes that it will fit many shapes and sizes because it is a shapeless blob. Daniel’s hot pink dress receives polite praise, including the word “conservative,” which is a euphemism “it’s perfect for the Lord & Taylor customer.”

And now, the losers. The judges are not really feeling Samantha’s petal dress. Heidi calls it “junior,” Rachel Roy thinks it’s adorable, and Nina didn’t hate it. Hallmarq tries to talk his way out of his dress, and Heidi says that she would buy it because Heidi is always known for her good fashion sense. Nina calls Hallmarq out on his repetitiveness, and the guest judge is confused by the dress because it’s beach in the front, business in the back. Nina calls the print on Layana’s design “old lady fabric,” and Heidi says it’s “a hot dress, with a horrible print.”

Well the winner is no mystery, so congratulations Polka Dots. The judges tell Daniel that he got lucky this time, and they send him away with Layana, whose dress suffered from a frumpy print. And then…whoa! The judges give Samantha the chop! Over Hallmarq’s boring, repetitive, nothing of a dress!?! Huh. I had Samantha pegged as a finalist. Well, you just never know.

Next week, the contestants tackle textile design at the Guggenheim Museum.

Project Runway Episode 6: Grannies On The Runway

misslinda — Fri, 01 Mar 2013 15:10:21 +0000

After her teammate was eliminated last week, Polka Dots is the lone wolf. To remedy this situation, Heidi swings the button bag and draws the name of the team Polka Dots will join: Wind Chime and Layana! Ha ha, poor Polka Dots.

The contestants visit an old age home and watch the biddies jazzercize. Tim walks in but nobody notices because he fits right in with this crowd. He tells the contestants that they must design timeless looks for these lovely ladies who don’t have much time left. They are each assigned a client, who have names like Beatrice, Ida, and Bunny. The clients are giving input that includes: I like leopard; make it sexy; like a gypsy thing; be a slut.This could be a spectacular disaster.

Amanda is trying to make a structured dress out of flowing vintage housecoat fabric. Blondie is designing either a fabulous top and bottom, or a matronly outfit. Daniel is driving Samantha nuts with his questions while he designs a sexy black suit, and Samantha is designing a leopard something-or-other. Layana is gossiping to Polka Dots about Wind Chime. They’re all working independently because there is no Wind Chime in “team.” Tim makes a threesome joke and is worried about Wind Chime’s poncho. Hallmarq’s jersey dress goes for comfort over style. Stanley is worrying Tim with a modern leisure suit. Kate is creating a heavy top with a spring skirt. TuTu is designing a coat dress that will take him forever to sew.

The ladies arrive for their fittings, and it’s kind of funny to see the outfits on elderly women instead of models. Stanley gets goosed! These women are bad! Speaking of bad, Wind Chime’s poncho is terrible, TuTu’s not going to finish in time, Blondie’s dress is frump city and way too tight, and Amanda is embarrassed about her dress.

To the runway! This week’s guest judge is the incomparable Joan Rivers. Because she couldn’t find a babysitter, she brought along her kid, Melissa. They join an Rachel Roy and a rather orange Nina Garcia.

Polka Dot’s dress is pretty and moved really well on the runway. Layana’s dress is a little young for a grandma, but she looked good. Wind Chime made…what is that? Did she staple fabric together? It’s awful and lumpy and ugh! Stanley’s pants suit is killer in a shiny gunmetal grey. Hallmarq made a jersey dress from H&M, but it’s a really good jersey dress. TuTu’s dress looks better than expected considering it’s poorly stitched and a bad fit, but he’s going to have a lot of explaining to do during judging. Kate’s top and skirt are fun and cute and would look great on a cruise ship. Samantha’s leopard outfit is full of attitude but a little disjoined. Daniel’s pants suit has some nice touches, but it’s hard to see the details in that black fabric. Amanda’s dress is much too young and dumpy, and there’s something weird happening in the back. Blondie’s model is squeezed into her dress so tightly that she may lose feeling in her arms. Also, it’s very mother-of-the-bride. Sigh. I miss Michael Kors.

Michelle and Layana get the highest scores from Heidi, but yet again Wind Chime is dragging them down so their team is merely safe. This is supposed to be a lesson in teamwork, but it’s more of a lesson in get-Wind-Chime-out-of-there-already.

The judges like Daniel’s black suit, but they don’t love it. Samantha’s leopard dress is a hit with Joan who calls the look “menopausal kitten.” Heidi and Nina don’t like it because the sleeves are too poofy and the bow makes it too young. Stanley’s shiny suit is fantastic, except the pants are too short and the crotch is not perfect (come on, Heidi! These ladies are old, how perfect do you expect their crotches to be?). Hallmarq’s asymmetrical jersey dress is a big hit with all of the judges because they would love to wear it themselves. Nina, however, does not like that the dress drowns her in fabric.

And now for the bad. The judges simply do not like Amanda’s dress. Joan is glaring at it, and Rachel Roy calls it a mistake on top of a mistake. Blondie’s client loves her dress so Heidi rips it to shreds. TuTu admits that his sewing is horrendous and the fabric is swallowing his client. Joan calls it an old lady dress. Ouch. Kate’s outfit pleases her client and the judges, so that makes TuTu the bottom.

The judges deliberate and it’s clear that Blondie and Amanda are both in serious trouble. “I have no trust in Amanda as a designer.” “I don’t know, I don’t have trust in Benjamin either.” That ain’t good.Stanley gets the win with his snazzy gunmetal suit, and Stanley and Hallmarq get to leave the runway. Daniel and Samantha, and Kate and TuTu, are also in, which leaves Blondie and Amanda. “Benjamin, you are out.” So that’s it for Blondie and his bowties.

Next week, duct tape and high school students? What a great combination!