Terrible Television » Permullet

The Amazing Race Season 22 Episode 5: The Dreaded Double U-Turn

misslinda — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 16:58:20 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.travelfreak.com

The teams start out this leg of the race in Bali, Indonesia. The Photo That Came With Your Picture Frame leave at 5:01 a.m. and must fly to Hanoi, Vietnam and proceed to the Rap Cong Nhan Theater to find their next clue inside Gallery 42. They have sort of agreed to be eliminated in Vietnam since Dan’s doctor advised him to have surgery on his ankle within seven days, but you never know what’s going to happen in the race.

The BFFs depart next, followed by the Newlyweds. They all catch the first flight out and arrive in Hanoi at 6:00 p.m. The next batch of teams leave about two hours later, but it doesn’t matter. A nighttime arrival allows all teams to catch up, except for TPTCWYPF. They go straight to the pit stop to eliminate themselves from the race. Tears, hugs, apologies, now get the heck out of here.

Roadblock! Teams must watch the performance of a patriotic Vietnamese song and remember the last line that is written on a bunch of parisols. One team member must then find those words, without taking any notes, on one of a hundred different political posters. If they get it wrong, they will have to wait for the next performance five minutes later. There is a lot of guessing going on between performances, and BFF is the only team to get it right on the first shot. The clue sends them to Cong Vien Thong Nhat to take part in the Vietnamese bamboo dance.

Permullet, My Family Is Famous and Newlyweds finish the Roadblock next, and after only one more performance, the rest of the teams are out on the course.

After blazing through a bamboo dance that was more like stepping over a bunch of twigs, Detour! Teams must choose between Make Your Move or Make A Meal. In Make Your Move, teams must set up a giant chess game using human pieces scattered around a park. Once all of the pieces are placed in the correct position, they’ll get their next clue. In Make A Meal, teams must prepare pho by collecting two empty baskets and two baskets of chickens, purchase the right ingredients in the correct amount at a market, and prepare the food at a tiny outdoor cooking station.

Only Permullet and the Newlyweds chose the cooking challenge and quickly realize that it could be a disaster, especially for ignorant Americans who can’t identify ginger and bean sprouts. Complicating matters for Permullet is an inability to even find the market as they are taken totally out of the way by a rickshaw driver.

Team BFF finished the chess challenge just as the other teams were arriving and received a clue that sent them to the B-52 memorial. There they found a Double U-Turn and used it to U-Turn Team YouTube. The clue sends them to the pit stop at the national museum of history. They check in as team number one while everyone else is still bumbling around the course.

The chess challenge is so boring that I won’t subject you to the details except to say that My Family Is Famous is the only team struggling with the challenge. As the grey matter starts to seep out of their ears, they ask the human chess pieces for help. Team Bro, YouTube (who have no idea that they’ve been U-Turned), and Roller Derby complete the task while My Family Is Famous tries to beat an old man at his own game.

The Newlywed’s pho was delicious enough for a clue, and they are off to the B-52 memorial and then the pit stop where they check in as team number two. Roller Derby check in as team number three, with Team Bro as team number four.

Upon arriving at the U-Turn, YouTube see that they’ve been U-Turned. They decide to U-Turn Permullet as their best chance for staying in the race. The two teams run into each other at the market, where Permullet realizes that they forgot to get the chickens. That gives YouTube a chance to pull ahead of Permullet. My Family Is Famous checks in at the pit stop as team number five, and YouTube checks in as team number six.

When Permullet realize that they’ve been U-Turned, his feelings are crushed and she looks about ready to throw in the towel. But they power through, and Phil has some good news for them at the pit stop. Because Dave and Conner had to withdraw from the race, Permullet are team number seven.

Next week, teams head to Batswana and go on a hunt with Kalahari Bushmen.

The Amazing Race Season 22 Premiere: Secret Pacts In Bora Bora

misslinda — Tue, 19 Feb 2013 00:53:25 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.travelfreak.com

Welcome to Season 22 of The Amazing Race! Let’s meet the teams. Per usual, I am not going to bother learning all of their names but will instead refer to them based solely upon first impressions and/or stereotypes:

Idries and Jamill are twins, and they’re both OG/GYNs? The ~~Vulva~~ Gyno Twins.

Mona and Beth are mothers who like to toss on some wheels and beat the crap out of each other. Welcome to the race, Team Roller Derby.

Chuck and Wynona. Oh dear. He’s got a Permullet, the rarest mullet of them all.

Caroline is a descendant of Daniel Boone, and Jen is John Wayne’s granddaughter. And yes, that sound you hear is The Duke rolling over in his grave. I have dubbed them Team My Family Is Famous, but reserve the right to start calling them Botox.

Pamela and Winnie are best friends and I like them already because they are semi-devious and not at all insane. So go Team BFF!

Matthew and Daniel are firefighters. It’s weird, because I thought all firefighters were hot. Anyway, Team Not Hot.

Max and Katie are the obligatory Newlyweds who will fight and whine and call each other “babe.”

Anthony and Bates are brothers and professional hockey players. I don’t know much about hockey so for now I’ll just call them Team Bro.

David and Conner are father and son, and they may also be the models from The Photo That Came With Your Picture Frame.

Joey and Meghan are both YouTube hosts (I didn’t know that was a thing but it is now my dream job), so I will call them Team YouTube.

John and Jessica are Team Pretty Pretty Pretty because, well, they’re not giving me much else to work with here.

The teams start out at the Griffin Conservatory in Los Angeles and are headed to Bora Bora where one team member must jump out of a perfectly good helicopter. The winner of the first leg will win not one but TWO express passes—one for themselves, and one to bestow upon another team at some point before the fourth leg.

There are two flights to Bora Bora, and only the first five teams will get on the first flight that lands one hour ahead. Somehow Permullet gets to the airport first, followed by BFF, The Gyno Twins, Pretty Pretty Pretty and The Photo In Your Picture Frame. They make a pact that the winning team will give the second express pass to whichever one of them comes in second, and make a second pact to not speak about Express Pass Club.

There’s a sign-up sheet for one of six helicopter flights, which means they’re going in pairs. After willing yourself to jump out of a helicopter, freefalling, and hopefully landing on, well, land, the teams must go to a beach where the non-jumping teammate will dig through four hundred sandcastles to find the next clue. Oh, and whatever sandcastle is destroyed must be rebuilt. So, fun! Right? Wrong. There isn’t enough sunblock in the world to get teams through this challenge alive.

Digging digging digging, building building building (I’m not sure why everyone is being such a perfectionist with the sandcastles—fill ’em up and dump ’em out!), and Pretty Pretty Pretty are the first to find a clue. Teams must assemble an outrigger canoe and paddle to the pit stop at a beachside café.

The second batch of teams show up to the sandcastle nightmare. Hockey Bro, who have been on the beach for all of two minutes, find the next clue. Hmm. That throws a bit of a wrench into the Express Pass Pact.

Team Pretty Pretty Pretty checks in first, winning the two express passes, and Hockey Bro paddles to a second place finish. Next to get a clue is The Photo That Came With Your Picture Frame (which means they should get the second Express Pass). Shortly after is Roller Derby, then BFFs. But, BFFs are super fast paddlers and inch out Roller Derby for the fourth spot.

The rest of the teams are cracking under the heat of the sun. Team YouTube finds a clue and check in as team number six. Finally The Gyno Twins pull a clue out of the sand, but their canoe tips over which allows Permullet to grab the seventh spot. A very soggy set of doctors check in with Phil as team number eight.

Back at the beach, Not Hot is complaining about how hot it is, and the Newlyweds’ natural Buffalo tan turns an amazing shade of mahogany. Then something incredible happens—the teams yell out a collective, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!” Rather than continue the futile task of digging and building sandcastles (and risk a visit from Phil on a lonely beach as the sun dips below the horizon), the three remaining teams (Not Hot, My Family Is Famous, and Newlyweds) agree to skip the task and take the four-hour penalty.

So that just leaves a mad paddle to the finish. First to tip over is Not Hot, the Newlyweds call each other “baby” a half dozen times, and Botox use all of their Zumba skills to pass the fledgling firefighters. In the end, the Newlyweds come in ninth and My Family Is Famous comes in tenth. You can almost catch the moment it dawns on them that a four-hour penalty is, like, a lot. But, at least they’re not last like the firefighters. So long, boys.

Next week, Pretty Pretty Pretty wiggle out of the Express Pass Pact and someone ruptures their Achilles tendon.