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Project Runway Season 12, Episode 3: Unconventional Challenge

misslinda — Fri, 02 Aug 2013 15:51:52 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

This week’s episode of Project Runway kicks off on the Coney Island boardwalk, and is sponsored by frozen yogurt. Like, really, really, really sponsored by a frozen yogurt, because nothing says fashion like froyo! The designers will be working in teams of two, paired up by the Dreaded Button Bag:

Alexander and Justin
Kate and Helen
Jeremy and Ken
Sue and Sandro
Braydon and Karen
Dom and Alexandria
Timothy and Miranda

The teams have fifteen minutes to hand out samples of frozen yogurt and receive “sensory descriptive words” that will have absolutely nothing to do with the challenge. Tangy, fluffy, luxurious, arousing, happy, Raspberry Town….Each team must collaborate on one look made out of whatever prizes the designers win from carnival games. Moles whacked, goldfish pelted with ping-pong balls, Timothy wins a unicorn, and time is up.

When the designers slice open their carnival prizes, the Styrofoam pellet filling gets everywhere. There isn’t a lint brush in the world that can handle this mess. Tim Gunn will not be happy about the condition of his workroom.

Dom and Alexandria are making what looks like kiddie clothes, there are lots of bodices made out of vinyl and straw (including a killer one from Helen and Kate), and Karen and Braydon are attempting to make something “organic” out of the most synthetic materials ever.In the middle of Tim’s critique, Sandro cancels the entire skirt that Sue was working on, and something-something-something Zac Posen. Tim is not responding well to the sweaty mess that is Sandro, so I look forward to his runway commentary. Tim cautions Timothy and Miranda that their design is “hospital gowny,” and then adds “Disney” to the mix, and ultimately a “Disney princess in a hospital gown.”

On the day of the runway show, most of the outfits are still ugly. Like, fugly levels of ugly. Justin and Alexander are in trouble, as are Timothy and Miranda, Sandro and Sue, and maybe, well, everyone except for Helen and Kate because they made a red straw swirl of awesome.

To the runway! The judges this week are Zac Posen, Nina Garcia, and Kelly Osbourne, who is a walking carnival. Also, Tim Gunn and his patented Tim Gunn Rescue. Bradon and Karen’s blue and green dress is ugly ugly ugly and looks like a mush of garbage bags. Dom and Alexandria’s fuzzy blue outfit looks like it came from the sale rack at Kid Robot, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Sandro and Sue’s plastic garbage bag flutter dress is a cheap cop-out. Helen and Kate’s red straw outfit is “f*@#ing brilliant,” in the spontaneous words of Kelly f*@#ing Osbourne. Alexander and Justin’s plastic nightmare looks like plastic that may take the shape of a dress. Jeremy and Ken created a surprisingly sleek pair of blue plastic pants with a raffia and…something fuzzy….vest. Miranda and Timothy’s terribly tortured plastic dress is better than expected (and expectations were very, very low), but is still somehow a disappointment.

Bradon and Karen, Ken and Jeremy, Sandro and Sue are all safe. Dom and Alexandria, and Helen and Miranda have the highest scores. Everyone wants to wear Dom and Alexandria’s stuffed animal dress, except for Nina who would never let the synthetic fabric near her skin. After last week’s meltdown, Helen tries out friendly and accommodating this week. Nina calls it a “real high fashion moment,” and Zac Posen calls it, “sombrero Saturn chic.”

And now for the lowest scores. Alexander and Justin’s hideous blue and green plastic is like a hazmat suit with petals. Zac Posen points out the kelp on the bottom, a dorsal fin, and “seaweed on the bum,” and Heidi calls it “overbedazzled.” But when Zac asks the designers to remove the vest, the design is already a thousand times better. Timothy and Miranda made an equally sad looking dress. Heidi gives it the “boring” kiss of death. Zac Posen thinks it looks like a pool toy, and Nina says it’s “really not good.” When asked who should go home if they lose, Timothy rents a party bus and lures Miranda underneath with a shiny object before taking off the parking break.

Tim brings the models out for a closer look and the judges gush over the sombrero dress. When it comes to Timothy and Miranda’s disaster, Nina blurts out, “The vest or the dress, neither one is good!” The winner is Helen. Sigh. Her ego is pushing maximum density. Dom, Alexandria, Justin, and Alexander are in, so it’s between Timothy and Miranda. And FINALLY the judges get rid of Timothy. Goodbye, strange kid who completely lacks self-awareness.

Next week, a bowtie challenge.

Project Runway Season 12, Episode 2: Million Dollar Runway

misslinda — Fri, 26 Jul 2013 16:04:49 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

An armored truck arrives on the runway, and two big burly security guards flank Heidi and the dreaded button bag. Jewels! Bling! Diamonds! The challenge is to design an outfit inspired by jewels. Before the challenge even gets going, Forest Nymph announces how much he hates diamonds because money is bad. Yeah whatever, kid. Get over it.

The designers are not sent back to the workroom with the baubles. Instead, they have sad little digital photos of the jewelry on some second-rate laptops. The contestants finally get their four thousand bucks for a season’s worth of fabrics, and will only have one day to complete the challenge.

At Mood, Forest Nymph starts picking through the garbage bins. Tim is mildly horrified in a way that a parent is embarrassed when their child knocks over an entire supermarket display. Helen tells everyone how great she is at designing eveningwear, so I look forward to her imminent failure. Back at Parsons, there’s yelling coming from the sewing room. It’s Sandro and Ken, and it’s so annoying that Justin turns his hearing device off. (I’ll note that Sandro is wearing an outfit previously worn by Jesus Quintana in The Big Lebowski.)

Dom is making a very pretty dress, but I’m not sure it’s fancy enough for jewels. Justin has an ambitious and elegant multi-tiered dress in the works. Bradon’s gown is made out of uber cheap curtain fabric, and he’s making it look like a million bucks. Kahindo’s patterned fabric is all sorts of wrong for this challenge, and Tim is nervous on her behalf. Sandro’s going retro, and not necessarily in a good way. Helen tells Tim, “This is my forte, I’m really confident,” and for some strange reason Tim doesn’t kick her in the shins. Bad Brows is making something out of chiffon and chiffon and chiffon and chiffon, and Tim calls it grandma. Tim is thoroughly confused by Forest Nymph’s scraps.

After Tim leaves, Helen works the room, dispensing advice that nobody asked for nor wants. The models arrive with their vaginas under wraps, and everyone starts to scramble. Stevie Nicks freaks out because she doesn’t know how to use a sewing machine and Forest Nymph frets about draping.

The next morning, Tim gives the contestants sage advice: Sparkle spangle twinkle shine pretty. Forest Nymph’s dress looks like something Stevie Nicks would wear to a renaissance festival, and Helen’s dress is beyond ugly. With ten minutes left, Sandro demands, “Who know how steamer work? Who know what button I should use?” When nobody answers, he storms backstage, drags a crew member over to the steamer and shouts, “Why it doesn’t work?” The crew member has the good sense to ignore the tantrum and Sondro has a pouty meltdown minutes before the runway show.

Speaking of which, to the runway! The judges this week are Zac Posen, Nina Garcia, Emmy Award winning costume designer Eric Daman, and Tim Gunn’s Runway Rescue Revue.

Dom’s look is beautiful, but too daytime for the jewels. Justin’s black gown is stunning, and any woman would kill to wear it. Ken’s teal dress is a little prommy. Kahindo’s dress is a pretty little cocktail dress, but maybe too young for the accessories. Alexandria’s eveningwear is elegant and drapey. Miranda’s dress is Hooker Goes To Hollywood. Bad Brows’ dress is more of a ticky tacky negligee than an evening gown. Kate’s gown is huge, and hot. Timothy’s rags don’t qualify as a dress. Karen’s dress is forgettable and ill-fitting. Jeremy made an outfit that looks like the model is walking through a pile of used tissues. Sandro’s model looks like a new strain of bacteria.

Helen’s dress is a complete disaster, and Helen is hysterically crying on the runway. Tim stops the show to calm her down, but there’s no talking sense into crazy. Also, Tim’s not a hugger, Helen’s not a hugger, so there’s not much to be done. Eventually, Helen just stops crying and the runway show continues with the final two looks. Stevie Nick’s dress is a bore, and the ruching doesn’t hide her lack of sewing skills. Bradon turned straw into gold, or in this case, polyester into silver.

Dom, Sandro, Forest Nymph, Kahindo, Helen, and Kate are the best and the worst. Nina likes the way Dom’s dress makes the jewels look young, but still chic. Forest Nymph explains that the blue velvet box that the jewels came in inspired his look. The judges are not kind. He put a racer back in the front, and it’s just wrong and bizarre and unattractive. Kate talks blah blah blah about Marie Antoinette and everybody eats it up. Sandro’s dress is a hit with Heidi, but Zac calls it “a little trashy.” The judges are not thrilled with Kahindo’s dress. Do not bore the judges, Kahindo! Heidi calls it off-the-rack, and Zac think it looks like “a dress on sale.” Aaaand here’s Helen. She made sad little boobie cups in a flesh tone. Also, the arse looks like it was stitched by a blind man on a bender. She cries, she kicks, she screams, Nina admires her passion…just get rid of her!

Sandro is in, and to nobody’s surprise, Kate is the winner. Dom is also safe, and that leaves Kahindo, Helen, and Forest Nymph. The judges cut Helen some slack. For who knows what reason, Forest Nymph is also in. Which means Kahindo is out. Sigh.

Next week, it’s the Coney Island Boardwalk and fashion made out of carnival prizes.

Project Runway Season 12, Episode 1: Sky’s The Limit

misslinda — Fri, 19 Jul 2013 16:36:47 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

Project Runway is back? Project Runway is back! I had no idea because I don’t normally watch The Lifetime Network For A Certain Demographic Of Ladies. And they brought back Kate from Season 11, who I don’t really remember. Also, one of the designers is deaf so he gets a nifty sign language interpreter. As designer Karen explains, “I think it’s so awesome that Justin is the designer who’s, you know, dealing with being deaf? I can’t even imagine what that’d be like.” Thanks for that, Karen. You are an idiot. Oh, and one more thing. The winner gets something like half a million dollars worth of stuff.

The new season opens big, too. Skydivers are falling from…well, from the sky. For their first challenge, the sixteen designers have to use parachute material. I absolutely dare one of them to make parachute pants.

So what do we need to know about the designers? There’s a classical dancer, an Army mechanic, some kind of rocker chick, a couple of twee nerdlings from Wisconsin, and, ugh. There’s just so many of them. We need to thin the herd. There’s a new accessories partner—Belk Department Stores, which I’ve never, ever heard of, even in a little bit. Thanks to another product placement, the designers will be managing their budgets for the entire season. But they will not be visiting Mood for this challenge. Instead, they will receive various parachute-like trimmings and sketching on Not iPads as everyone figures out how to work with this sheerish, plasticy fabric.

The next morning, the designers get to work. One of them doesn’t know how to use a sewing machine, and another doesn’t like to use electricity. Good luck to both of those contestants. Tim Gunn arrives to a silent workroom and makes the rounds. Alexandria is doing colorblocking, Kate is making a poufy pouf pouf, Bradon is designing a billowy flowing train, Timothy burned his fabric and is “doing a whole conceptual performance piece” involving barefoot binding, and Miranda avoided using the parachute in order to make a sleek dress. Helen also put the parachute aside, but her dress is at least mildly interesting, Kahindo pleated a skirt into a mess, Angela designed a blah tent dress, Sue has absolutely no clue what she’s doing but may pull a decent look in the end, and Sandro and his pornstache are doing skimpy swimwear.

The best instructions to a model ever come from Timothy who tells his model, “I want you to think about awkwardly? Sniffing your armpit.” Oh, and because he’s an eco-friendly designer, he won’t let his model use any of the makeup or hair products. Kids these days.

Runway time! And here’s Heidi. Our judges are Zac Posen, Nina Garcia, Kate Bosworth…and Tim Gunn will have “The Time Gunn Rescue,” which is one “save” during the season. Also, the runway show will be anonymous.

Sue’s pink and orange dress is surprisingly nice. Bradon’s flowy, stringy gown is beautiful. Jeremy’s pants are crazy and kind of badass, perfectly paired with a plain white shirt. Kahindo’s pleated skirt is still a mess and the top’s not much better. Sandro made a bathing suit with “vagina drop.” Helen’s dress is fabulous, and I hate her for it. Alexandria’s dress is a colorblocked mess with awkwardly placed pockets. Karen’s design is something I would buy at Calypso St. Barth. Timothy’s weirdness is only matched by his model’s armpit-sniffing performance. Justin’s hot pink dress is refreshing. Kate’s yellow froufrou dress is…ugh. Angela’s blue tent dress is amateurish. Alexander’s colorblocked dress is hanging all wrong. Dom’s outfit is adorable and I would happily wear each one of those separates. Ken made a bold orange dress with a brilliant pleated collar. Miranda sent a black cocktail dress down the runway in a sea of bright colors.

Timothy tries to explain his dress to the judges. Nina calls it muddled, and Zac Posen says his model looks like she found her in the woods, plus he calls shenanigans on Timothy’s environmental blah blahs since he burned synthetic fabrics to get the texture. Sue’s dress receives high marks. Nina loves Miranda’s silhouette and lets her off the hook for not using much of the parachute. Angela talks her way around her oddly proportioned tent dress, but Nina calls it a “disposable poncho.” Bradon’s dramatic, billowy dress is a huge hit. Sandro’s x-rated bathing suit does not impress the judges, and Zac calls the model a “slutty cat toy.”

Tim marches out with the six looks. For the first time in Project Runway history, the judges get a good look at the craftsmanship while Tim explains what was going on in the workroom.

The win goes to Bradon for his gorgeous gown, and he has immunity for the next challenge. Sue is safe, and Miranda gets a stern warning about not following the rules before she is allowed to continue. Sandro is also safe, which leaves Timothy and Angela. The judges keep Timothy in his four-inch gold sparkle unicorn heels, and Angela is out.

So what’s in store for us? This season, we get jewels, Coney Island, kayaking, cursing, crying, Sandro smashing a camera, a “foaming vagina,” lots of famous people, and Michael Kors!

Project Runway Episode 7: Duck, Duck, Charmeuse

misslinda — Fri, 08 Mar 2013 15:14:53 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

Heidi arrives on the runway with a duck. She doesn’t explain her new feathered friend, but instead sends the designers back to the workroom, where they are confronted with miles and miles of Duck brand duct tape.

The challenge is to create a prom dress out of duct tape in less than one day that will be voted on by a gaggle of sixteen-year-olds. Well, their votes only matter a little. Everyone is working in teams of two because teams make contestants happy, and they will collaborate on one outfit. Since Stanley won the last challenge, he gets to pick his teammate first. The teams are:

Stanley/Layana
Kate/TuTu
Polka Dots/Amanda
Richard/Hallmarq
Wind Chime/Samantha

Apparently modern duct tape isn’t just that unruly silver goop ring holding the bumper onto your 1978 Chevy. The workroom is overflowing with rolls and rolls of different colors and patterns, yet Hallmarq totally bogarts every last roll of gold tape so that he and Richard can make something that Beyonce or Rihanna would wear. Other teams are pissed that they’re hogging all the precious gold. My precious!!! Tricksy contestants takes all the gold rings!

Stanley and Layana are creating a black-and-white zebra print dress that lacks pop. Wind Chime is making Samantha very nervous. When Tim arrives, the designers look like a herd of deer in the headlights. Richard and Hallmarq’s dress looks like a baked potato, so they switch it up and are now creating a gold sexy dress that gets a “wow” from Tim Gunn. Amanda and Polka Dots create a giant houndstooth print for a punk rock prom dress that looks cool, but is taking forever. TuTu and Kate are crafting a basic blue dress that puts Tim to sleep.

That night, the contestants have a fashion show for the teens in a high school gym. There are a lot of questions about wrinkling tape and how you sew a zipper into a tape dress, and all of the teens have pretty strong opinions.

Runway time! Heidi brings the contestants the vote count from the teens. Surprisingly, Wind Chime and Samantha get the most votes from the students. Kids these days, amirite? Our judges this week are Zac Posen Kors, Nina Garcia, and fashion designer Chris Benz. Bring out the models!

Polka Dots and Amanda’s dress is a good runway look with its sharp angles, bright color, and swishy movement. Stanley and Layana created a cartoon of a dress with an exaggerated pink bow that I might consider wearing to a cartoon prom. Richard and Hallmarq made the dictionary definition of a prom dress if that dictionary was printed in 1984, but kudos to them for making duct tape look like leather. TuTu and Kate’s blue prom-y prom prom I’m going to prom, y’all! dress is such a snore. Wind Chime and Samantha’s dress is…different? I guess it’s kind of cool, but maybe too cool? Yes, that’s it. The dress is too cool for school.

It’s time to face the judges. Wind Chime and Samantha explain the complex gradient design they created out of tape. Heidi loves it, and Nina calls it Faaaaaabulous! I don’t know. It looks like a globby craft project to me. Kate and TuTu try to talk their way around their blah nothing. It’s called square, not fun, matronly, cliché, and oooooold fashioned. Stanley and Layana explain their cartoon thoughts, and Nina loves it. Polka Dots and Amanda confess that they set out to design a dress for the bad influence in the class. Mission accomplished, ladies. Last but not least, the judges have a field day with Hallmarq and Richard’s solid gold catastrophe. Heidi calls it dated, Zac Posen Kors has a problem with the details on the design, and Nina calls it a train wreck.

In the end, the judges give the win to the team of Polka Dots and Amanda, and Polka Dots gets the crown. Wind Chime and Samantha are close behind and are also sent to the back with Stanley and Layana. Hallmarq and Richard get a little more scolding before joining their fellow contestants.

So now it’s between Kate and TuTu. The judges don’t know who TuTu is as a designer and send him home. And then, just because the dress was really and truly terrible, the judges send Kate home as well. Huh. Didn’t see that coming.

Next week, the clients and models are the greasy, bulging men from Thunder from Down Under. Wow. It’s almost like Lifetime is pandering to its core viewing audience of middle-aged women from landlocked states.

Project Runway Episode 5: A Little Bit Country

misslinda — Fri, 22 Feb 2013 16:16:57 +0000

Reprinted with permission from www.hautetalk.com

Cowboy Tim puts everyone in a country western frame of mind because this week, they’re designing for Miranda Lambert. Everyone seems to know who she is except for Polka Dots who looks confused and horrified. The contestants will work in teams of two and create two looks per team—a performance outfit, and a red carpet look. For the performance outfit, Miranda wants something from the Donny and Marie show. Miranda would like to look chic and young and fresh on the red carpet while she celebrates her curves.

As the winner of the last challenge, Samantha gets to choose her partner first. Here are the pairings:

Samantha/Daniel
Hallmarq/Stanley
Wind Chime/Layana
Matt/Polka Dots
Kate/TuTu
Amanda/Blondie

Samantha is making a leather motorcycle vest with a pleated skirt, and Daniel is designing a long dress with strips of leather ruffle fringe. Layana is ruching everything she can gets her hands on, and Wind Chime is making something out of gold tapestry and leather. Kate is designing a red leather mermaid dress, and TuTu is “doing a Gaga” with a costume that leaves Tim speechless. Tim and Kate try to talk TuTu out of his catastrophe, but he seems pretty attached to his design.

Stanley is using even more sparkles than last week, and the week before, and the week before…and Hallmarq is sewing a mesh dress with fringe and chains, but there’s not a lot of coverage so we may get a peepshow on the runway. Amanda’s talking about fringe, and Blondie’s making a corset dress. Polka Dot’s creating a bodice and skirt out of wrinkled leather, and Matt’s designing a leather and lace outfit that worries poor Tim.

Matthew doesn’t have a skirt to go with his barely finished bodice, and Hallmarq doesn’t even have any fabric to use as lining under his “I see London, I see France” dress. So Hallmarq gets creative and uses the souvenir Mood t-shirt he bought to make a tube dress for the lining. Meanwhile, Daniel is shredding the hem of his skirt with a fork (no, I’m not kidding), TuTu is doing some desperate last-minute sewing, and Stanley is glue-gunning a dress onto his model.

To the runway! The judges this week are Zac Posen Kors, Nina Garcia, and the songstress herself, Miranda Lambert.

Amanda’s fringe dress looks ordinary but it has a good bounce when it walks so I bet it pleases Miranda. Blondie’s red carpet navy blue dress is pretty…but there’s sparkle fringe just on one boob, which is a weird thing to do to a breast. TuTu’s nutty outfit is very…futuristic? And completely the wrong direction for this challenge? Kate’s red carpet look is way too red and it looks inexpensive. Samantha’s little black number has a nice vest and a forgettable skirt, and Daniel’s outfit looks like a Dynasty reunion. It’s almost as if Daniel is begging for elimination.

Matt’s black dress is too simple, too short, too pasted together, and Polka Dot’s dress is from the wrong era. Hmm. That team is in trouble. Wind Chime’s concoction is insanely fringed, and I like it and hate it at the same time. Her teammate Layana made a very elegant and refined gown. Hallmarq’s fringe and metal dress works perfectly for this challenge, and Stanley’s sparkle is so subdued and classy that I barely recognized it when it came down the runway.

The judges like Stanley and Hallmarq, and Blondie and Amanda. Hallmarq’s net dress is a hit with everyone, and Stanley gets high marks for his elegant dress even though both Nina and Heidi worry that it’s too much fabric for Miranda. Blondie’s one-fringe-boob is okay with the judges because they’re drunk (that’s the only way that I can reconcile the judges gushing over one giant pasty), and Amanda receives a heaping of praise for a fringe dress that’s a bit of a snore.

The judges have some problems with Daniel and Samantha, and Matt and Polka Dots. Heidi thinks Polka Dots’ head-to-toe leather dress would put Miranda on the Worst Dressed List, and Zac Posen Kors correctly identifies the giant fringe leather necklace as linguini. Matt’s dress just makes everyone sigh because it’s a sad dress with absolutely no wow factor. Daniel’s old-fashioned dress is just cheap and icky, and Nina says it looks like “a cross between a tablecloth and a napkin.” Samantha has immunity so she is safe, but the judges all prefer the outfit Samantha is wearing to the boring dress she designed for Miranda.

This week’s winner is Hallmarq. Yay, good for you, now leave the runway and take Stanley, Amanda, and Blondie with you so we can get down to business. Samantha has immunity so she’s in, but everyone else is on the chopping block. Daniel’s dress looks cheap, the judges question Polka Dot’s taste level, and Matt is out for showing the judges bland insecurity. Avidazen, Matt (air kiss, air kiss).

Next week, the contestants are designing for Lifetime’s core audience, grandmothers!