If you thought that I stopped watching television, you’d be wrong. So wrong. It’s just that there’s nothing new to watch. So for the past couple of weeks I’ve been gobbling up the first three seasons of Downton Abbey, and I am nearly through the first season of American Horror Story. And with every new year comes a new season of television, ripe for recapping. So starting in January, there’ll be all new recaps:

Downton Abbey: It’s Season 4, and we’ve got an all new widower which can only mean one thing–fancy funeral clothes!

Girls: The new season promises triple the neurosis and ten times the hipster.

Teen Wolf: Apparently this is a show on MTV and not just a movie that I may or may not have seen in high school because I am old enough to be MTV’s mom.

Archer: The great thing about cartoons is that you can make them do and say things that no real life actor would touch with a ten-foot pole.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine: This show is up for a bazillion Golden Globe Awards (or, like, two. But still, impressive!) and has a killer cast, so there’s pretty much no reason not to watch.

FaceOff: Okay, I’m just going to say it–FaceOff has the most talented artists of any reality television show.

Burning Love: Ha, well, as you can see from my handy dandy calendar above, I have no idea when this show starts or what time it’s on because the E! website is the worst, but I do know that it’s a spoof on reality dating shows so recapping it will be way too meta for words.

The Taste: They cook, I ogle Anthony Bourdain, some French guy says French things, and that’s about the big and small of it.

Under The Gunn: Someone finally gave Tim Gunn his own teevee show! Oh, happy days!

Toned Up: You know how some people start a business and are all “this is a totally unique and new idea” but it’s not? Well that’s this, with two life-long friends sporting leathery skin and yoga pants revolutionizing the exercise world with their…yoga. Which is something I’m quite certain has been around for at least as long as their tans.

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